lemonandcapers
Member
- Jun 7, 2025
- 50
I stopped using Reddit for a while, but I went back online today. A post in my feed said something along the lines of "So, is this how I am going to live for the rest of my life?" and details a life of isolation due to taking COVID precautions in a world where nobody takes them anymore. Everyone in the comments said that it was going to be like this for a while. The thought of living life as I am right now makes me want to CTB more than anything.
I wish I could stop caring about COVID like the rest of the world has. However, I have learned far too much information for my own good about the effects COVID-19 infections have on the body. I experienced it for myself when COVID caused me to develop lupus, and after another infection, I broke out into hives and could only walk a couple of steps without being in excruciating pain. If my condition gets worse, and I become too disabled to CTB, I will be stuck in this life forever, so I have to care.
It is exhausting to let my guard down and allow myself to have fun outside of the four walls that are my room, but another COVID wave arrives. Back into my room I go until the two months of the year when I don't have to fear going outside!
My heart breaks hearing people get reinfected over and over, new stories popping up of medical issues arising from repeat infections. It is even more painful when it hits close to home in the form of my best friend ranting about not being able to afford surgery for a sinus issue caused by a COVID infection, or my mom becoming ill every single month.
The stares and dirty looks I receive for wearing a mask in 2025 make me feel more alien than human. Even from family, my existence is enough to prompt arguments. I'm the irrational one that should be committed to the highest level of mental institution, at least in their eyes.
And when I tell Reddit that I am suicidal because of this, what do they say? "Channel that energy into helping others". I took that to heart and burnt myself out because of it, and my mental health is worse. They also tell me to seek community with other people who take COVID seriously, but when I have nothing in common with them and they are all twice my age, how do I connect? I don't even like people there in a way where I would want to be friends with them. Even when I do go to events where people mask, I don't get enough satisfaction from it that would justify the endless void that is the rest of my life.
I wish I could stop caring about COVID like the rest of the world has. However, I have learned far too much information for my own good about the effects COVID-19 infections have on the body. I experienced it for myself when COVID caused me to develop lupus, and after another infection, I broke out into hives and could only walk a couple of steps without being in excruciating pain. If my condition gets worse, and I become too disabled to CTB, I will be stuck in this life forever, so I have to care.
It is exhausting to let my guard down and allow myself to have fun outside of the four walls that are my room, but another COVID wave arrives. Back into my room I go until the two months of the year when I don't have to fear going outside!
My heart breaks hearing people get reinfected over and over, new stories popping up of medical issues arising from repeat infections. It is even more painful when it hits close to home in the form of my best friend ranting about not being able to afford surgery for a sinus issue caused by a COVID infection, or my mom becoming ill every single month.
The stares and dirty looks I receive for wearing a mask in 2025 make me feel more alien than human. Even from family, my existence is enough to prompt arguments. I'm the irrational one that should be committed to the highest level of mental institution, at least in their eyes.
And when I tell Reddit that I am suicidal because of this, what do they say? "Channel that energy into helping others". I took that to heart and burnt myself out because of it, and my mental health is worse. They also tell me to seek community with other people who take COVID seriously, but when I have nothing in common with them and they are all twice my age, how do I connect? I don't even like people there in a way where I would want to be friends with them. Even when I do go to events where people mask, I don't get enough satisfaction from it that would justify the endless void that is the rest of my life.
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