inanotherlife
Member
- Sep 26, 2023
- 24
Hey everyone,
I wanted to share my story/plan with you all and am open to any thoughts or questions.
I was diagnosed with a progressive and terminal illness when I was 16. Since then it has slowly taken away my physical abilities and now at 20, I use a wheelchair. I have known that my natural death will be a slow and painful ending, hence the main reason I want to ctb. I am guaranteed to die withing ten years, so I am simply doing an act of mercy to put myself out of pain before I lose the ability to function and do the things I love. I have already lost so much
I recently was broken up with due to my illness. She said it was too much for her to handle and I for one definitely understand that, I mean I am on this site lol. I have made a plan, which has the least involvement for anyone and a high reliability to work, my only job now is to enjoy the time left and wait to leave peacefully. Most of my friends are aware I am going to die soon, though I try to play the narrative that it is due to my illness, I have one close friend who knows almost everything and he is understanding of the pain I am in. I am not going to share specific dates with anyone so as to guarantee no interference. All my friends have made their own lists and photos together so we can make a few last memories. I believe their closure will come easily when I am gone, I am mainly worried about my family and my ex. I have offered the hand of friendship to her, but being so soon after the breakup I understand if she isnt able to see me again. I will ask to see her on my birthday, I suppose thats my best shot. (pun intended)
My plan involves waiting until I am 21 in a few months so I can purchase a handgun, I am considering a 357, any tips are appreciated. I am waiting instead of buying one from my acquaintances so there is no second hand guilt from the seller and also to really push the fact that this is something I am doing in my own free will to end my pain. I also want to give some space between the breakup and death so that nobody is mad at my ex, I still care about her a lot and we both share that sentiment. Before my night, I will take my gun to a range to practice shooting and getting over any jitters. I will then take an uber out to a lake I have picked that has a dock, I will shoot myself through the mouth with my back towards the lake so I fall backwards to drown if the shot did not do its service. I also am considering tying weights to my chest to guarantee my death. I am only going to load at max 3 bullets, maybe even just 1 so that anyone who finds the gun wont get hurt. I am considering doing this around 3am, so probably will arrive somewhere nearby ahead of time and eat my last meal before wheeling over to the lake to listen to music and wait until everyone is gone and likely asleep.
I have started drafting my letters for everyone to try and give closure. I also have started my will, since I have a terminal illness it isn't as suspicious for me to get out of the way. I also have started a bucket list of things to experience to help kill time, it is odly comforting to think of things in the sense of "This is the last thanksgiving I will have" or "This is probably the last time I will get to do this"
I have a countdown app on my phone for the day I am going to ctb, it is oddly comforting to look at it every night and also I have been surprised by how fast it has gone down. The extra time has given me space to sleep, make photo albums, delete anything that would cause unnecessary pain, see my friends, and write everything I need to. Who knew that dying could be so complicated. If you have any tips on how else to minimize my death's impact and any tips for my method I would really appreciate it. Thanks in advance!
I wanted to share my story/plan with you all and am open to any thoughts or questions.
I was diagnosed with a progressive and terminal illness when I was 16. Since then it has slowly taken away my physical abilities and now at 20, I use a wheelchair. I have known that my natural death will be a slow and painful ending, hence the main reason I want to ctb. I am guaranteed to die withing ten years, so I am simply doing an act of mercy to put myself out of pain before I lose the ability to function and do the things I love. I have already lost so much
I recently was broken up with due to my illness. She said it was too much for her to handle and I for one definitely understand that, I mean I am on this site lol. I have made a plan, which has the least involvement for anyone and a high reliability to work, my only job now is to enjoy the time left and wait to leave peacefully. Most of my friends are aware I am going to die soon, though I try to play the narrative that it is due to my illness, I have one close friend who knows almost everything and he is understanding of the pain I am in. I am not going to share specific dates with anyone so as to guarantee no interference. All my friends have made their own lists and photos together so we can make a few last memories. I believe their closure will come easily when I am gone, I am mainly worried about my family and my ex. I have offered the hand of friendship to her, but being so soon after the breakup I understand if she isnt able to see me again. I will ask to see her on my birthday, I suppose thats my best shot. (pun intended)
My plan involves waiting until I am 21 in a few months so I can purchase a handgun, I am considering a 357, any tips are appreciated. I am waiting instead of buying one from my acquaintances so there is no second hand guilt from the seller and also to really push the fact that this is something I am doing in my own free will to end my pain. I also want to give some space between the breakup and death so that nobody is mad at my ex, I still care about her a lot and we both share that sentiment. Before my night, I will take my gun to a range to practice shooting and getting over any jitters. I will then take an uber out to a lake I have picked that has a dock, I will shoot myself through the mouth with my back towards the lake so I fall backwards to drown if the shot did not do its service. I also am considering tying weights to my chest to guarantee my death. I am only going to load at max 3 bullets, maybe even just 1 so that anyone who finds the gun wont get hurt. I am considering doing this around 3am, so probably will arrive somewhere nearby ahead of time and eat my last meal before wheeling over to the lake to listen to music and wait until everyone is gone and likely asleep.
I have started drafting my letters for everyone to try and give closure. I also have started my will, since I have a terminal illness it isn't as suspicious for me to get out of the way. I also have started a bucket list of things to experience to help kill time, it is odly comforting to think of things in the sense of "This is the last thanksgiving I will have" or "This is probably the last time I will get to do this"
I have a countdown app on my phone for the day I am going to ctb, it is oddly comforting to look at it every night and also I have been surprised by how fast it has gone down. The extra time has given me space to sleep, make photo albums, delete anything that would cause unnecessary pain, see my friends, and write everything I need to. Who knew that dying could be so complicated. If you have any tips on how else to minimize my death's impact and any tips for my method I would really appreciate it. Thanks in advance!
