Could you have had an amazing life?

[quiet.rabbit]

No. I was born mediocre.

 

[Bat 17]

Could anything really have been otherwise? Maybe, but I don't assume as such. Hopefully further investigation in physics will reveal whether alternate possibilities are actually possible, and why we don't see them, (i.e. why do we see the reality that we see, and not another one, e.g. a reality in which you chose the vanilla ice cream instead of the chocolate one).

Last year when I was most suicidal I came up with an idea that if I killed myself it would collapse the wave function of this reality and open up a portal to a better one. I even started reading books on quantum theory and string theory to 'gather evidence'.

I recall I wrote stuff down in a mad professor's notebook.

Unfortunately I think it was just my bipolar disorder talking. Oh well, the books were interesting.

 

[WatermelonMel]

Nope, was dealt a shit card from the get go

 

[Joplin]

Yeah! I could've had more money and become really famous! (I used to be a youtuber and had 50k subs. If I had been constant, doing the maths, I should have about 1 million subs now lol)

However, that wouldn't have prevented me from ctb!

I've experienced true love, having an awesome dad, a decent salary and I would like to visit Japan but no matter what I do or have, I'll always be suicidal.

I think you should do it again :) Just for hard core fans and just for funzies not for fame ;) You never know what you will end up with. And now you have hindsight of all the lessons you learnt from your previous experience right? And you will know never to delete it again or just go under the radar for a while next time. Just to pass the time? With a new clean slate :) I would love to see your stuff! And you have sooooo many people here who adore you! I have seen that from only one week of having an account.

Japan sounds cool. It aint cheap no. I always think of that suicide tourist destination now when I think of Japan. Cannot remember where I watched that or what it was called. It seems its not seen as a dishonourable deed in Japan.

@Beachedwhale I am sorry you holding onto so many regrets :( SAME! I think this is really just part of the human condition (suffering and pain is unavoidable) and some of us fuck up less than others but the point is to learn I guess. Life is fff hard for me too and I have totally lost all motivation to turn things around but I do know that there are always two forks in the road when we moving on from these types of things and it sounds like you really considering your options. Have you thought of giving it one last try and maybe studying something you really enjoyed? Seeing your degree is a waste? Don't be so hard on yourself with that! Sooo many people get degrees that end up "useless" in the work world or still can't find a job or change their path late in life.

I studied science, I use my degree now but I don't like the work I have ended up with (yes I have tried finding other jobs and sometimes moved, even moved countries last year, but its not simple). Even the fancy degree doesn't make a career easy. Hell, money and fame, love etc don't undo shitty brain chemistry either! Just look at some celebs who "had it all" and still ended it. I wish I had studied the arts. I would have loved acting, I was a natural entertainer. Still considering stand-up or improv just for fun.

But Regret is a nasty thing. I try not to think about those regrets too much. Its painful and you cannot undo the past right?

Life gave some of us some shitty cards :( *Hugs*

 

[One day too late]

Nope, an amazing life isn't meant for me. Only pain and misery.

 

[RedHarlequin]

Everything in my life is ok and I still feel like shit and think about suicide 24/7, so I no, nothing I could have done would have made this better. It is just my ill brain.

 

[PaxAmerica]

When I consider that we live in a deterministic universe every thought of "could" "should" and "would" becomes irrelevant. The particular chain of causation that led me to my situation couldn't have been any different, as that would have required an acausal influence. The fact of the matter is my fate was already determined from the beginning of the big bang; everything happened exactly as it should.

Its true really at the end of the day. We think we are making free thoughts every moment but really we arent.

 

[Marktheghost]

I could have had an amazing life if I had the help and support I needed. It doesn't look as if I'm ever going to get the help and support I need though!

 

[it's_all_a_game]

Not an amazing life, but things would've been better if people didn't bully, mistreat, & exclude me :(

 

[noname223]

If I wasn't abused probably yes

 

[Beachedwhale]

I think you should do it again :) Just for hard core fans and just for funzies not for fame ;) You never know what you will end up with. And now you have hindsight of all the lessons you learnt from your previous experience right? And you will know never to delete it again or just go under the radar for a while next time. Just to pass the time? With a new clean slate :) I would love to see your stuff! And you have sooooo many people here who adore you! I have seen that from only one week of having an account.

Japan sounds cool. It aint cheap no. I always think of that suicide tourist destination now when I think of Japan. Cannot remember where I watched that or what it was called. It seems its not seen as a dishonourable deed in Japan.

@Beachedwhale I am sorry you holding onto so many regrets :( SAME! I think this is really just part of the human condition (suffering and pain is unavoidable) and some of us fuck up less than others but the point is to learn I guess. Life is fff hard for me too and I have totally lost all motivation to turn things around but I do know that there are always two forks in the road when we moving on from these types of things and it sounds like you really considering your options. Have you thought of giving it one last try and maybe studying something you really enjoyed? Seeing your degree is a waste? Don't be so hard on yourself with that! Sooo many people get degrees that end up "useless" in the work world or still can't find a job or change their path late in life.

I studied science, I use my degree now but I don't like the work I have ended up with (yes I have tried finding other jobs and sometimes moved, even moved countries last year, but its not simple). Even the fancy degree doesn't make a career easy. Hell, money and fame, love etc don't undo shitty brain chemistry either! Just look at some celebs who "had it all" and still ended it. I wish I had studied the arts. I would have loved acting, I was a natural entertainer. Still considering stand-up or improv just for fun.

But Regret is a nasty thing. I try not to think about those regrets too much. Its painful and you cannot undo the past right?

Life gave some of us some shitty cards :( *Hugs*

Yeah honestly it's not just the career or degree woes its also lost experiences. And it's the fact that I will never be able to go back, drop out and start a new degree to do what I wanted to do (its not advised to get another degree where I live to do that particular career, and my CV is shit, I've never actually worked). I thought I was so defective and had such low self esteem that I didn't even think I could pursue those or be in the place I wanted to be in. It's all the more painful because I know that all I needed to do was lift weights and build muscle to kickstart confidence. I wanted to do these things at the time but not enough and I was too gripped by fear to do anything. I just was stuck in a cycle of self hatred and attracting people who reinforced my self hatred. And I hadn't realised how damaging my family was to me and how they were betraying me. I've realised all these things far too late because while I want to improve, I am gripped by this insane fatigue and flu like feelings. I'm trying to treat a physical condition but I don't know if it'll work and I don't fully know whether that is the cause of my fatigue. If it just doesn't go away I'm not sure I have the energy to continue living on because I refuse to live an extremely mediocre life when I could've been living an amazing life by now if I had took action years ago.