Could use some CTB advice?

[StellaArtoix]

I think I've figured out a way to CTB in hospital. Some of you will know I'm in hosp be cause I shot myself in the head. Unfortunately I'm still here. I was on lifesupport for almost one mnth then sadly come around. I'm not coping well. The shock if being alive is hard to live with each day. Theyve only recently hot me out of bed I to a wheelchair. Cant walk. It's not that their paralyzed cos the dots say I will walk just need to relearn how to. O thought I'd wait until I could walk and so it right this time but I can see now that's going to take mnths and I dont think I can wait that long. I have two 500g containers of SN at home. So I'm thinking I cud try and get someone to bring me in one of them. Dont give a shit about the rest of the meds people take with it. So next thing is getting some alone time where they wont check up on me. Pretty sure they think cos I can't walk I cant do anything so that will work in mi favor.today they wheeled me outside. Someone watched me but from a distance away. Wondering if I were to drink some sn outside while in my wheelchair how would they no anything is wrong? Not like I can fall down. What do you guys think?

 

[Ghost2211]

I wouldn't risk SN in a hospital it can be loud due to vomit and the hospital can really easily revive you... if you would get hours alone hanging would be a safer bet, but even then if someone comes in you're screwed.

im so sorry you're dealing with this. It sounds like complete hell.

 

[StellaArtoix]

I wouldn't risk SN in a hospital it can be loud due to vomit and the hospital can really easily revive you... if you would get hours alone hanging would be a safer bet, but even then if someone comes in you're screwed.

im so sorry you're dealing with this. It sounds like complete hell.

Didnt think if the vomiting. Yeh ur right. FUCK! Was thinking I'd drink it and pass out in my chair and they wouldn't know. Yeh I cant afford to screw it up this time otherwise I'll never get out of here. I'm not sure I cud hang myself as I dont have the strength in my arms. Cant walk. So needs to be something that doesnt require any physical input. Thnks for you reply anyways.

 

[Sbinalla]

SA is less reversible, albeit rumor has that it is more painful, that is if you are worried about being "saved".

 

[Ghost2211]

Didnt think if the vomiting. Yeh ur right. FUCK! Was thinking I'd drink it and pass out in my chair and they wouldn't know. Yeh I cant afford to screw it up this time otherwise I'll never get out of here. I'm not sure I cud hang myself as I dont have the strength in my arms. Cant walk. So needs to be something that doesnt require any physical input. Thnks for you reply anyways.

I'm so sorry. I can imagine how trapped that feels. It really sounds like waiting till you're home is you best bet since suicide watch would be even worse. Did they say when they will let you leave?

 

[StellaArtoix]

SA is less reversible, albeit rumor has that it is more painful, that is if you are worried about being "saved".

I do t imagine I'd feel much in way of pain.im o. Fentanyl drip at moment because of my injuries. It's just accessing SS that I might have prob with. Then there is the prob ss RoseBird said if I vomit or something like that I'll draw attention to myself. Even tjo the nurse sat a long way away frm me I'm sure if I started vomiting or something shed come running. Thnks anyway Sbinella.

 

[Stick]

Echoing what Rosebird said already in that you might make a lot of noise. Also, SN causes something called cyanosis which adds a bluish tiny to some parts of the skin. If someone saw you in passing they might realize something is wrong even if you just seemed passed out.

 

[nitroautnz]

yes and unfortunately since you are at the hospital they can rush you for a gastric lavage,m if they find you early enough.
As for SA its not really popular but i didn't hear about problem with vomiting.

 

[StellaArtoix]

Echoing what Rosebird said already in that you might make a lot of noise. Also, SN causes something called cyanosis which adds a bluish tiny to some parts of the skin. If someone saw you in passing they might realize something is wrong even if you just seemed passed out.

Yeh. I'm thinking I need a diff plan. I think SN is prob the method I'll use. Just because I have it at home and then just need to get someone to bring it to me. Also doesnt require anybphysical effort from me which I dont have. So method I think is all gd. Now just the timing.maybe they let me stay out unmonitored one day but then it needs to be somewhere noone will see me. They check me all throughout the night so that's not a gd time. Needs to be during the day.

 

[rt1989526]

Just a heads up it might be possible that if someone brings you something you use to ctb they could be charged in your death. I'm not 100% certain on that but it's likely.

Im really sorry about your situation. Know that we are suffering together

 

[Passersby]

Hi StellaArtoix,
Damn. . . . I hate that you have to be in this situation. Chances of surviving that gunshot are slim but you did. If it were me in your exact same situation and I was dead set on still ctb then I think I would go with the sn. There's not a lot of options here since your there and you can't physically really move. I've been unable to move before too so I know what that's like even though it was from something different. The thing about the sn is that like you said you already have it. So do you have someone reliable to bring it to you? There's not a lot of people who would probably do that. Then you would just have to go with whatever you felt like was the best time slot to do it. Your still able to write and collect your thoughts I guess? Whatever you decide I wish you the best possible outcome. Do you think it would be worth it to try to get better again or not?

 

[StellaArtoix]

Just a heads up it might be possible that if someone brings you something you use to ctb they could be charged in your death. I'm not 100% certain on that but it's likely.

Im really sorry about your situation. Know that we are suffering together

CRap did not think of that either.I dont want that at all. Its so fucking unfair. Thnks anyway rt1989526

Hi StellaArtoix,
Damn. . . . hate that you have to be in this situation. Chances of surviving that gunshot are slim but you did. If it were me in your exact same situation and I was dead set on still ctb then I think I would go with the sn. There's not a lot of options here since your there and you can't physically really move. I've been unable to move before too so I know what's that's like even though it was from something different. The thing about the sn is that like you said you already have it. So do you have someone reliable to bring it to you? There's not a lot of people who would probably do that. Then you would just have to go with whatever you felt like was the best time slot to do it. Your obviously still able to write and collect your thoughts? Think if you didn't have access to this and wasn't able to think or speak. Whatever you decide I wish you the best possible outcome. Do you think it would be worth it to try to get better again or not?

Hey there, thanks . Its nice knowing someone who knows what its like to be in a position where your not able to move or do anything. Its fucking hard. Everyone pretty much has to do everything for me at the moment. Even taking a crap i need help with. No dignity here thats for sure. I did think of someone that might be able to help but as rt1989526 pointed out, if they got caught helping me to CTB they could get charged and go to jail and i certainly dont want that. i cud not do that to them, so need another plan of how to get it in here. I still think SN is the best method ivn my situation but have some details to work out first. Im so greatfull that people are replying and trying to help me out. SS has alot of awesome peope around.Thnks Deadhead Frank :)

 

[Passersby]

Hi Stella,
No problem just thought I would try to help and give you my opinion since I was on here now even though it's probably not worth much. It's a drastic situation so I wanted to try to help. Like I said I know what it's like to be helpless. At one point I couldn't even ctb either because I was so helpless. Trapped is a terrible feeling. I still think SN is your best bet if you can figure out a safe way to get it in there but that seems tough. Otherwise Im not sure. If you improved some physically over time then you could go with hanging with a sheet maybe but that sounds kind of unrealistic and a ways off. How long ago did this happen? Did they say you could walk again someday ? Or are you not interested in the prolonged suffering? Feel free to pm if you want.