ThrownAwayTom
Experienced
- Oct 3, 2020
- 276
So I guess I've come to a decision now that I have very few choices left. I'm not completely sure if I'm writing this post to make some sense of it all in my own head - but I'd appreciate any advice or suggestions you have on method/timing, or just the time you take to read the post. I have nobody else to vent to. Some of you might have seen me here but I mainly lurk and think it's one of the most welcoming and understanding communities on the internet. I appreciate every person here and some of you have been amazing to talk to. I distanced myself from chat recently as I felt I was dragging others down with my shit and getting others too involved in my worthless life.
I'm a Brit (as a huge number here seem to be) and soon turning 29 years old with absolutely nothing to show for it, and nowhere to go from here. I work a full time super stressful job from home and my contract is due to end in 6 months, if not sooner out of sheer incompetence. Every day my boss or her boss finds another little thing I've fucked up or not done and it's all going to come crashing down real soon (I've had 6 error emails come through since 9am this morning and it's 10:30). I didn't go to uni and my A-Level grades are so bad I'm better off saying I didn't do them. I'm shit with money, spent hundreds on driving lessons to fail every time, and live with my parents. I've been on SSRI's for 4 years and I don't know if they do anything but I can't stop because of the withdrawals. I am soon to be homeless as my family have decided I can no longer live with them - and this has caused disagreements that means they haven't spoken to me since Christmas Eve, on which I was told to get it over with and swallow all my pills. One of my parents has a serious undiagnosed mental illness and my other family members have essentially chosen to enable this rather than go through any attempt to identify and work it out.
We moved to a new town the month before corona kicked in so the feeling of being remote from anyone or anything I care about is only amplified. So long as I'm living here and trying my best, nothing will ever go right or work out. My entire 2020 was one of those days where nothing goes right. As a stupid example, I am typing this while looking through glasses that have only had one arm on them for 4 months. My attempts to fix them or get a new prescription have gone so ridiculously wrong I can't begin to explain. I have nightmares every night that seem so vivid my muscles ache the following day and my days are spent working to serve other people. So as a weak-minded and generally shit human being I've decided I should take my own mother's advice and CTB before I'm on the streets.
Once lockdown tiers lift enough for me to be able to easily travel to the east coast of the UK, I'm going to catch a few trains early in the morning and soak up close to a litre of vodka before letting go. I plan to pour the alcohol in to a different bottle for appearances and wear a camera around my neck on a strap as some kind of touristy looking thing that might stop them from guessing correctly. I was hoping the new PPH would have something viable but it seems not. Does anyone here have any advice on the above i.e. directions to approach the edge from to avoid suspicion? I don't expect anyone to comment or care particularly but if you've actually read this you've given more of a shit than most
I'm a Brit (as a huge number here seem to be) and soon turning 29 years old with absolutely nothing to show for it, and nowhere to go from here. I work a full time super stressful job from home and my contract is due to end in 6 months, if not sooner out of sheer incompetence. Every day my boss or her boss finds another little thing I've fucked up or not done and it's all going to come crashing down real soon (I've had 6 error emails come through since 9am this morning and it's 10:30). I didn't go to uni and my A-Level grades are so bad I'm better off saying I didn't do them. I'm shit with money, spent hundreds on driving lessons to fail every time, and live with my parents. I've been on SSRI's for 4 years and I don't know if they do anything but I can't stop because of the withdrawals. I am soon to be homeless as my family have decided I can no longer live with them - and this has caused disagreements that means they haven't spoken to me since Christmas Eve, on which I was told to get it over with and swallow all my pills. One of my parents has a serious undiagnosed mental illness and my other family members have essentially chosen to enable this rather than go through any attempt to identify and work it out.
We moved to a new town the month before corona kicked in so the feeling of being remote from anyone or anything I care about is only amplified. So long as I'm living here and trying my best, nothing will ever go right or work out. My entire 2020 was one of those days where nothing goes right. As a stupid example, I am typing this while looking through glasses that have only had one arm on them for 4 months. My attempts to fix them or get a new prescription have gone so ridiculously wrong I can't begin to explain. I have nightmares every night that seem so vivid my muscles ache the following day and my days are spent working to serve other people. So as a weak-minded and generally shit human being I've decided I should take my own mother's advice and CTB before I'm on the streets.
Once lockdown tiers lift enough for me to be able to easily travel to the east coast of the UK, I'm going to catch a few trains early in the morning and soak up close to a litre of vodka before letting go. I plan to pour the alcohol in to a different bottle for appearances and wear a camera around my neck on a strap as some kind of touristy looking thing that might stop them from guessing correctly. I was hoping the new PPH would have something viable but it seems not. Does anyone here have any advice on the above i.e. directions to approach the edge from to avoid suspicion? I don't expect anyone to comment or care particularly but if you've actually read this you've given more of a shit than most
