Coping with the obsessional thoughts that come with a break up.

[Last chance]

My now ex ended things with me a couple of weeks ago. She had been having therapy to deal with some ongoing issues with chidhood and other general things.I had been supporting her with it and she was doing great BUT I feel like it changed her as a person. She became "woke" and overanalysed/questioned everything,she drank the cool aid. We were together for two years and always had a great relationship but at the end after a couple of months of weekly therapy she told me that she loves me but she doesnt want to be in a relationship with me and that she wanted to work on being happy on her own.

Cut to two weeks later and my friend sees her on various dating apps.

Obviously I am angry and hurt that she lied to me about wanting to work on being on her own as well as the fact that she has moved on so quickly which makes me feel like I meant nothing to her.

I have been really struggling because of it. I've lost a lot of weight quickly,I just want to sleep all the time but when I try I cant sleep because my brain tortures me with images of her with other people or memories of all the good times we spent together. I literally can't stop thinking about her which is making me feel pathetic as well as incredibly suicidal.

I had a bit of a break down a few days ago when I found out she was on the dating apps. I didnt conduct myself very well (I wasnt nasty just way too desperate and honest about what I wanted to do to myself,a mess basically) and she has now blocked me from everything.

Anyway,enough rambling. Does anyone have any tips for stopping these obsessive thoughts? At the moment I am struggling to do anything because everything feels so pointless. My head is constantly filled with her and it is very quickly driving me insane and I dont know how much longer I can cope with it.

I know that time is meant to be a great healer but I am talking in the short term. What can I do to shut my fvcking head up?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

God, I can't even imagine the amount of pain you must be in right now. I'm maybe not the best person to take advice from on this but all you can ever really do sometimes is distract yourself. Find an outlet that has nothing to do with her, nothing to do with love, something that will take all your time and energy away from those thoughts.

I'm aware this isn't foolproof though. The human brain is so effing stupid sometimes. The very act of trying not to think about something often just forces you to think about it anyway no matter what it is...

I'm really sorry that happened to you. She could definitely have handled that better.

 

[Last chance]

God, I can't even imagine the amount of pain you must be in right now. I'm maybe not the best person to take advice from on this but all you can ever really do sometimes is distract yourself. Find an outlet that has nothing to do with her, nothing to do with love, something that will take all your time and energy away from those thoughts.

I'm aware this isn't foolproof though. The human brain is so effing stupid sometimes. The very act of trying not to think about something often just forces you to think about it anyway no matter what it is...

I'm really sorry that happened to you. She could definitely have handled that better.

Thank you,I have felt like this before in my life and really hoped I would never be in this situation again but here I am and its harder this time.

At the moment nothing is a distraction and I have 0 motivation to do anything. I am hoping that something in my head just flips and allows me to move on to a certain extent.

Its really bizarre that our brains dont have protective mechanisms to allow us to deal with emotional pain like they do for physical pain. Our brains really are their own worst enemy.

 

[eleka1801]

Omg I feel so sorry for you, I hope that you dont give up and let negativity and depression consume you. I havent been in the same situation like you, but I suffered just like you after break up with my boyfriend last year.
You mentioned that it happened a couple of weeks ago, you know its actually a very short period of time to recover from a break up. Especially so painful like yours, you were betrayed and it was never your fault. Dont ever blame yourself for others actions, you only amplify your pain like that. I feel bad for you, but youre doing a great job in recovery, cause you already seek help. Thats brave.

I think if you want to recover faster, you should go see a therapist to prescribe you medication, even though im against meds in the long term, they can be very beneficial in the short term.

 

[Last chance]

Thank you for your reply. I am planning on CTB tomorrow. Its a very surreal thought at the moment but it was what I need to do,I cant go on living through this pattern of misery and see no future for myself.

I have had therapy for about five years and was on meds until the end of 2019. While they helped to lessen the sadness I constantly felt the chemicals in my veins and the withdrawals when I came off them were horrendous. I dont want to go back on them. I wish I had some valium to shut my head up for a while.

 

[Computer Blue]

I went through something very similar almost exactly one year ago. Worst break up I have ever experienced by FAR. I really didn't get any closure and it sounds like you didn't either.. I lost weight, and had to take Tylenol PM to sleep. I was suicidal and it took a long time to get back to something sort of, kind of resembling normal. I'm not gonna sugar coat anything so I really can't say much more. I can tell you what has helped me: Look for Youtube videos on Stoicism, Taoism and Coach Greg Adams. I wish you the best.

 

[NeverGoodEnuff]

A breakup like that is horrendous. Maybe consider waiting another week or three?

The brain is a hard taskmaster. It lies to us, twists things around, points a finger at us and tells us how awful we are. (Note my name above.)

Be proud that you have stood it this long. That takes a lot of strength. Kudos to you for that.

Some people have that reservoir of strength on which to draw when times are really tough. Sounds like you may have that??

Sigh. Life is such a conundrum.