I thought micro dosing would help me. Somehow I'm still in a dark place. every time I microdose psilocybin/shrooms I keep getting this thought. That we all were given the same lifetime summation of suffering. we can't leave until we reach our "quota."
Even though we are all given an equal amount of suffering over our lifetime, it manifests differently in everyone. Some will have their suffering spread throughout a lifetime. Some will have it all at the end. Some will have external suffering. Some internal. Some physical. Some self-inflicted. Some emotional. Some familial. Some spiritual. Some social. Some genetically. Some environmentally. Some are condensed. Some are diluted and spread out. Some will have a little bit of everything, etc. Get creative with it. The unfolding of suffering looks unique to everyone. Short lifetime. Long lifetime. the summation will be the same amount.
I think you die (whether intentionally, or by natural causes, or by a natural disaster, etc), when you've fulfilled the amount you're supposed to. The amount everyone needs to reach before they die. It's the summation of suffering. We can't compare anything because we all don't know our end dates. And some people suffer in silence.
So if this were true though, and we all can't have more or less than anyone else, karma would hold no value, at least not in this lifetime. Maybe karma defines your reincarnation. like coming back as a fucking slug if you deserve it.
Why does my brain literally go to this one thought every time I have shrooms? (I'm still new to shrooms btw). But this feeling. It feels like I figured out the universe, at least when it comes to suffering. Like suffering is an energy, like a sum of kinetic and potential energies. If suffering is an energy, I feel like it's balanced in the universe. It is out of our control.
Even though I know everyone is given the same amount of suffering in their lifetime, it doesn't help alleviate suffering. Except now it just feels like penance for being alive.
You can't compare yours to others because you don't know everything they went through. And you don't know what they WILL go through. And you don't even know what YOU will go through.
I know this is controversial. I am not saying any suffering is deserved. I am not saying any of it is fair. But unfortunately I think none of us will be able to escape this life until we've hit our suffering quotas.
At least when someone passes, there's relief in knowing that their suffering is over.
EDIT: I understand this isn't an easy concept to get. There's no way to know someone else's past, present, or future suffering. There's no way to even know our own. I'm NOT saying one person's adversity equals someone else's adversity. And it would be ignorant of me to assume someone's adversity is causing their suffering.
Also, not everyone is vocal about what traumas they've had. I'm saying that you don't know what other people are going through or will go through. I'm not saying childhood cancer is the same as someone suffering a heartbreak. It's the sum of suffering in the lifetime. Happiness doesn't negate any past, present, or future suffering, unfortunately.
It's my way of coping and trying to understand certain things in the world. Like a baby who passes away a few days in their life. Their suffering was condensed all to the beginning of their life. Some people have it spread out or scattered throughout a lifetime, but they have a lifetime that's longer than a few days. It's the lifetime summation.
We can't know if someone's suffering will only be at the end of their lives. We can't know if someone suffers in silence. I guess this is my elaborate way of describing empathy. Even though I've been through so much I can't even begin to discuss, I literally feel bad for everyone; I just look at people and wonder about their past, present, and future suffering.
I'm not minimizing anyone else's suffering either. It's just a new perspective. We can't know everything. I feel our lifetime suffering quota is the same but we each have vastly different adversities and struggles. Suffering is manifested differently in each person and we can't assume their situation is causing suffering.
We all end up the same (dead) eventually. Human nature will always have us jealous in wishing our suffering would present differently. And there are others who think they're the fortunate ones but they may face a horrible ending or suddenly lose their children in a car accident. And there are some who put on a facade but are actually suffering silently. We can't tell them their suffering isn't suffering just because it doesn't look how you think suffering should look. Each and every suffering is valid.
Even though we are all given an equal amount of suffering over our lifetime, it manifests differently in everyone. Some will have their suffering spread throughout a lifetime. Some will have it all at the end. Some will have external suffering. Some internal. Some physical. Some self-inflicted. Some emotional. Some familial. Some spiritual. Some social. Some genetically. Some environmentally. Some are condensed. Some are diluted and spread out. Some will have a little bit of everything, etc. Get creative with it. The unfolding of suffering looks unique to everyone. Short lifetime. Long lifetime. the summation will be the same amount.
I think you die (whether intentionally, or by natural causes, or by a natural disaster, etc), when you've fulfilled the amount you're supposed to. The amount everyone needs to reach before they die. It's the summation of suffering. We can't compare anything because we all don't know our end dates. And some people suffer in silence.
So if this were true though, and we all can't have more or less than anyone else, karma would hold no value, at least not in this lifetime. Maybe karma defines your reincarnation. like coming back as a fucking slug if you deserve it.
Why does my brain literally go to this one thought every time I have shrooms? (I'm still new to shrooms btw). But this feeling. It feels like I figured out the universe, at least when it comes to suffering. Like suffering is an energy, like a sum of kinetic and potential energies. If suffering is an energy, I feel like it's balanced in the universe. It is out of our control.
Even though I know everyone is given the same amount of suffering in their lifetime, it doesn't help alleviate suffering. Except now it just feels like penance for being alive.
You can't compare yours to others because you don't know everything they went through. And you don't know what they WILL go through. And you don't even know what YOU will go through.
I know this is controversial. I am not saying any suffering is deserved. I am not saying any of it is fair. But unfortunately I think none of us will be able to escape this life until we've hit our suffering quotas.
At least when someone passes, there's relief in knowing that their suffering is over.
EDIT: I understand this isn't an easy concept to get. There's no way to know someone else's past, present, or future suffering. There's no way to even know our own. I'm NOT saying one person's adversity equals someone else's adversity. And it would be ignorant of me to assume someone's adversity is causing their suffering.
Also, not everyone is vocal about what traumas they've had. I'm saying that you don't know what other people are going through or will go through. I'm not saying childhood cancer is the same as someone suffering a heartbreak. It's the sum of suffering in the lifetime. Happiness doesn't negate any past, present, or future suffering, unfortunately.
It's my way of coping and trying to understand certain things in the world. Like a baby who passes away a few days in their life. Their suffering was condensed all to the beginning of their life. Some people have it spread out or scattered throughout a lifetime, but they have a lifetime that's longer than a few days. It's the lifetime summation.
We can't know if someone's suffering will only be at the end of their lives. We can't know if someone suffers in silence. I guess this is my elaborate way of describing empathy. Even though I've been through so much I can't even begin to discuss, I literally feel bad for everyone; I just look at people and wonder about their past, present, and future suffering.
I'm not minimizing anyone else's suffering either. It's just a new perspective. We can't know everything. I feel our lifetime suffering quota is the same but we each have vastly different adversities and struggles. Suffering is manifested differently in each person and we can't assume their situation is causing suffering.
We all end up the same (dead) eventually. Human nature will always have us jealous in wishing our suffering would present differently. And there are others who think they're the fortunate ones but they may face a horrible ending or suddenly lose their children in a car accident. And there are some who put on a facade but are actually suffering silently. We can't tell them their suffering isn't suffering just because it doesn't look how you think suffering should look. Each and every suffering is valid.
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