Controversial take: Men who systematically lie to women to trick them into having sex with them give me rapist vibes

[noname223]

I have one college friend. He is a nice guy to me. I sometimes made fun about him with closer friends. I am such a gossip bitch.

It was not systematically lying. But it was such an asshole move. And that's so common in dating. He has a lot of experience.

I think he pretended to be in love with a woman. After they were in a relationship (had sex) he told her he cannot imagine to be together with her for more than 12 months. Well she was upset and wonder why she did not want to be together with him anymore. I think he used her for sex. I am not sure whether he was refering to her. But he told me once. "He now wants a partner that he actually likes and not solely someone for having sex".

I told him there was an extremely good looking borderline woman that had feelings for me in a clinic. She begged me to be in a relationship with her. Tbh I had experiences with borderline women and she really did not have any control over her life. She took all sorts of drugs. Just attempted suicide. When I told him I had to reject her (I think I did not mention her suicide attempt). he acted like I was stupid for missing that chance. (I assume to have sex with her)

He is not the worst out of worst. But it slightly disgusts me. I heard about worse men though. Fuck boys on dating apps. They give me rapist vibes. Is it really consent if you lie about your true intentions the whole fucking time?

There was actually a leftwing comedian in Germany who called out men for being toxic, and he himself pretended to be a feminist. It turned out he did exactly what I described to countless of women.

There was something else. My friends called that transphobic of the former mentioned college friend despite the fact he went to a pride parade. He had a crush on a trans man. When he told me that he sort of said to me that he does not see him as an actual man. For him only the biological sex matters. I think he was embarrassed to tell me that he had a crush on a trans man. don't you think the feelings of the trans man would be hurt if he knew that?

 

[Dejected 55]

The problem in society is... the guy who will say/do anything just to get sex... that's the guy who not only gets sex but gets the most women interested in a relationship with him.

The guy who wants to be a friend first, ends up only a friend. The guy who genuinely wants a relationship before sex or in addition to the sex... who doesn't try at every opportunity to get in her pants... that guy gets left behind. I speak from inexperience here.

I had multiple dates that women said there was no "spark" and I didn't understand. Finally one woman told me she thought I didn't like her because I didn't try anything. That's when I learned what was going on... me not trying to go for sex was making women turn away. But I'm not that guy.

Don't get me wrong. I like sex. I would really like to have sex sometime. I haven't had sex in 20+ years. But I don't want sex first and foremost. I want a friend, a companion, a relationship, and I'm open and honest from the jump. I would really like to experience sex with someone I love and who loves me.

But women keep going for the guys who are after sex first. Even if those guys are walking red flags, even if the women know he wants sex only... women on average go for those guys way more. Those guys are never wanting for attention from a woman. Society rewards them even as society will try to say they are "bad."

I do feel sorry for women being tricked like that... but they seem to know they are being tricked and men who don't participate in that have next to zero chance.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

Not controversial to me, most people aren't really a master of their own body nor mind, nor should they be your friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/etc.

You are allowed to be angry at everything and everyone around you and demand that everyone suddenly evolves and gets better but that will not happen. There is no difference between the average human being and the average animal, befriending one or the other is the same, one just knows how to mask it's biological intentions easier. Everything is transactional, this race and any other race really isn't worth it, they never were, I don't care, our "comradery" , our likeliness to eachother , to me it means nothing, it's just another step of propaganda that our pathetic weak , dumb but EFFICIENT brain uses to keep us in line and tribal.

It's disgusting anyways, the way you described it is exactly as I told, humans are disgusting and can't see past their own programming, without laws they'd rape and kill everyday. I don't know about women (how they'd be in the place of men, aka be in power) because to be fucking honest, look at me, the way I talk, it's clear that I went through some kind of abuse, and that abuse rattled me up good, I'd never be able to rape or kill an innocent woman , however most women are basically the same , they are kept obedient, weak and powerless, what is abuse for me is the norm for a lot of women (tbfh I was left with insane mental scars but whatever it's not about who has it worse), think about it for a second, think about the fact that we live in a world where animals tear eachother apart , where evil is rampant and you tell one of your children to be hot headed and competitive which leads to them being absolute assholes, and to the other gender they are told to be like a princess, obedient, weak , submissive; it's infuriating and it's clear that this is just an animalistic thing left over (the ego of men who were in power and could control women) and it pisses me off to no end, I still don't know how I don't have some kind of alteration in the brain for how pissed of I get sometimes.

 

[Dqope]

This video is a good watch and this channel is really good to sum up society nowadays....
If you want watch the whole video but if not then watch the latter half of it.

Rehab Room

glorified clown, #1 oofy-doofy, mstowmaxxed

www.youtube.com

 

[NonEssential]

Surely honesty is very important in a relationship and sex without any love doesn't sound very special. I've never been in a relationship and I'm a virgin so I can't confirm that I know what I'm talking about though lol.

 

[enduringwinter]

I dont think most people are even sentient enough to lie they just be spitting out things that benefit them mindlessly. I feel like we'd be a lot more normie and well integrated if we could just physically lie like that lol

 

[Dejected 55]

We only convince women to have sex with us the same way a 5 year old convinces their parents to give them the cookie jar; they were already going to let us anyway.

If your kid promises to be good for a cookie, then you give him a cookie, and he is bad immediately after... and tomorrow he promises to be good for a cookie, and again gets the cookie and is immediately bad... IF you keep giving that lying kid cookies, then you have ensured he will continue to be bad. You can't complain your kid is bad. You gave the cookie knowing he was going to be bad.

Same goes for relationships... if someone lies to you to get something out of you, and you keep doing that over and over... at some point you become complicit in the lying, no? You can't say you don't like liars if you keep rewarding the lies with a treat. Liars continue to lie to get what they want because they keep getting what they want when they lie.

If people want better behavior from others, they have to start rewarding better behavior OR at least stop rewarding bad behavior.

 

[pollux]

If your kid promises to be good for a cookie, then you give him a cookie, and he is bad immediately after... and tomorrow he promises to be good for a cookie, and again gets the cookie and is immediately bad... IF you keep giving that lying kid cookies, then you have ensured he will continue to be bad. You can't complain your kid is bad. You gave the cookie knowing he was going to be bad.

Same goes for relationships... if someone lies to you to get something out of you, and you keep doing that over and over... at some point you become complicit in the lying, no? You can't say you don't like liars if you keep rewarding the lies with a treat. Liars continue to lie to get what they want because they keep getting what they want when they lie.

If people want better behavior from others, they have to start rewarding better behavior OR at least stop rewarding bad behavior.

That's your problem: you keep operating at the level of words. Dating isn't contract law. And this doesn't have anything to do with what I said.

And anyway, this is noname's interpretation of things. God only knows what happened. But do you really think saying you love a woman is the thing that makes her want to undress? Has that worked for you before? What you're saying isn't even what OP described; this isn't an Iterated Prisoner's Dilemma, they very clearly said it happened once (for the girl).