controlling mothers.

[Ulisses]

controlling mothers. does anyone have control and what are the consequences on their life and personality?

 

[Why you?]

I don't think I have any control on myself, let alone other people. My mind keeps thinking of all sorts of things because of what everyone does.But I can't really be mad at the world for moving on, can I?? SO I take it out on myself. Does this make any sense?

 

[Ulisses]

it was harmful to me, because I have difficulty expressing feelings, relating to other people. it causes me depression, I have moments of deep sadness.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

controlling mothers. does anyone have control and what are the consequences on their life and personality?

I had a controlling mother. We no longer have a relationship. She cannot stop herself. She cannot accept I am an autonomous, separate person from her. When it comes to me making decisions for living my own life, she is definitely not pro-choice, only pro-her-choice.

People react to controlling parents in different ways. Some become rebellious, and then don't use common sense when they need to not rebel. Others become reliant on others to make decisions for them. I was rebellious, but decision making was still very difficult for a long time.

I highly recommend the two books If You Had Controlling Parents and Boundaries, as well as every other book listed in the Learning Boundaries resource thread I'm linking below. Patricia Evans is a helpful author for perspective on why controlling people control. George Simon's manipulation tactics are a great companion to Boundaries, as he lists even more ways people try to overcome others' boundaries, so even though his book is included in this resource, I'm also linking the Manipulation Tactics resource thread which gives a major portion of that info in posts 1 and 5.

I'm 48 years old, since my teens I've been working on recovery from my mother's control and my father's enabling her and control by being distant. The books I shared in the learning boundaries thread have been the best resources for me. I've had therapy, I've read lots of books, these books made the most impact, even more so than those by Susan Forward such as Toxic Parents and Emotional Blackmail.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/resources-for-learning-boundaries.30500/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/manipulation-tactics.31123/

 

[Ulisses]

I had a controlling mother. We no longer have a relationship. She cannot stop herself. She cannot accept I am an autonomous, separate person from her. When it comes to me making decisions for living my own life, she is definitely not pro-choice, only pro-her-choice.

People react to controlling parents in different ways. Some become rebellious, and then don't use common sense when they need to not rebel. Others become reliant on others to make decisions for them. I was rebellious, but decision making was still very difficult for a long time.

I highly recommend the two books If You Had Controlling Parents and Boundaries, as well as every other book listed in the Learning Boundaries resource thread I'm linking below. Patricia Evans is a helpful author for perspective on why controlling people control. George Simon's manipulation tactics are a great companion to Boundaries, as he lists even more ways people try to overcome others' boundaries, so even though his book is included in this resource, I'm also linking the Manipulation Tactics resource thread which gives a major portion of that info in posts 1 and 5.

I'm 48 years old, since my teens I've been working on recovery from my mother's control and my father's enabling her and control by being distant. The books I shared in the learning boundaries thread have been the best resources for me. I've had therapy, I've read lots of books, these books made the most impact, even more so than those by Susan Forward such as Toxic Parents and Emotional Blackmail.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/resources-for-learning-boundaries.30500/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/manipulation-tactics.31123/

great contribution. I won't have time to read less than a month for my ctb.thanks

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

great contribution. I won't have time to read less than a month for my ctb.thanks

If you're going to ctb because of a controlling mother, I at least recommend the first book I mentioned, the the second if still time or still considering.

 

[Ulisses]

If you're going to ctb because of a controlling mother, I at least recommend the first book I mentioned, the the second if still time or still considering.

not at all, but I had to cancel myself in several relationships, if I have money my mom wants to borrow these things make me sad, just to please her I think it's unfair, but I go because I made the wrong decisions, and because of those decisions I lost the chance to being a good father, I lost friends, I lost myself.

 

[Yomyom]

My mom knew how to use my deepest anxieties against me, the annoying thing is that she doesn't understand what she done wrong, I'm not talking with her in about 4 years, she is absolutely nothing to me

 

[lostangel]

Yes, I have one growing up and in my teens, she would dictate everything I do. If it was the people I hung out with, what hairstyle I had, what I wore, how I talked like the slang I would use that was not offensive or vulgar. It was not a matter of guidance it was just an unhealthy way of parenting. Everything had to be approved by her. Like what I was interested in and if it suited to her.

95% of the choices I made were just orders from her. I was never seen as a different person. I was just an extension of her. I never got to exercise my social skills or develop my character. I don't even have an identity. I feel I am just a machine programmed to take orders and say ''yes sir'' or ''no Ms''.

I often wonder the person I could've been. If I was allowed to be myself. Part of my reason to ctb is because of her. I feel like I was never raised just trained. I was not shown how to function and express emotions like a normal human. I feel I was taught to be a servant and to not have an identity.

I hope my post makes sense. Thanks for reading.

 

[Ulisses]

If you're going to ctb because of a controlling mother, I at least recommend the first book I mentioned, the the second if still time or still considering.

not at all, but I had to cancel myself in several relationships, if I have money my mom wants to borrow these things make me sad, just to please her I think it's unfair, but I go because I made the wrong decisions, and because of those decisions I lost the chance to being a good father, I lost friends, I lost myself.

Yes, I have one growing up and in my teens, she would dictate everything I do. If it was the people I hung out with, what hairstyle I had, what I wore, how I talked like the slang I would use that was not offensive or vulgar. It was not a matter of guidance it was just an unhealthy way of parenting. Everything had to be approved by her. Like what I was interested in and if it suited to her.

95% of the choices I made were just orders from her. I was never seen as a different person. I was just an extension of her. I never got to exercise my social skills or develop my character. I don't even have an identity. I feel I am just a machine programmed to take orders and say ''yes sir'' or ''no Ms''.

I often wonder the person I could've been. If I was allowed to be myself. Part of my reason to ctb is because of her. I feel like I was never raised just trained. I was not shown how to function and express emotions like a normal human. I feel I was taught to be a servant and to not have an identity.

I hope my post makes sense. Thanks for reading.

it makes perfect sense, I identified with your text. it works the way you relate. I felt in your position

 

[Lejes Rimul]

It is not the same (I think), but I had an overprotective mother, basically I prevented from going anywhere she considered dangerous, as a consequence in my life and personality I became a bit of an introvert, which I think is more brutal is to prevent the person from living certain experiences of that age that can be essential to know what path to follow in the future, at least I think so

 

[itsamadworld]

My mother grew up a white slave on a dairy farm. She was the oldest of 8 children. My grandma forced her children to slave on the farm, and she had as many slaves as she could, and so my mother was angry and bitter........she took it out on us children, especially me, cuz i was easy attack for her narcissism. I didn't even have children out of fear of being such a horrible, controlling evil snatch to children that didn't ask to be born, like my mother was to me...... I sometimes can not visit my mother nor talk to her with out fantasizing about various ways in which i could cause her harm. My favorite fantasy is taking a 2by4 board and smashing it her in the face over and over and over! Side to sid.....Then, I hope she lives to be 115 years old and that she BEGS to die as she rots away in a nursing home...she is evil. SO is my sister, and i hope my sister's daughter's turn on her, and my sister has mixed children...her oldest always says how much she hates my sister, and says how racist my sister is, even though her ex husband is a different race....haha......My sister, like my mother is a demanding c-nt who deserves this.....At least i didn't do that to any child, because i don't have any.....because it is really hurtful and the emotional effects last for years......better not to have been born....