continue to live with no desire or motivation

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

It is quite dreadfull to be forced to be alive when you lost that live force wich drive us to create more and more, to improve our skills, to expand ourselves, to pursuit some goals. Living without this driving force and having to do things without any purpose is extremely agonizing. It is like swimming against the current. Following the current would be tantamount to accept your absence of desire, accepted it and respected it. Let oneself be carried away by this current until death. I don't know it this is clear as my main language isn't english. I just felt like that, forced to not respect my only desire wich is to die and having to keep forcing me to be active despite that i'm naturally transported to death.

 

[nptg5]

It is quite dreadfull to be forced to be alive when you lost that live force wich drive us to create more and more, to improve our skills, to expand ourselves, to pursuit some goals. Living without this driving force and having to do things without any purpose is extremely agonizing. It is like swimming against the current. Following the current would be tantamount to accept your absence of desire, accepted it and respected it. Let oneself be carried away by this current until death. I don't know it this is clear as my main language isn't english. I just felt like that, forced to not respect my only desire wich is to die and having to keep forcing me to be active despite that i'm naturally transported to death.

it is clear to me. i have no purpose for life. no meaning. i am ready to die.

 

[gogoprince]

Desiring death is not really a desire in and of itself, but a desire for the absence of unpleasant things, I believe. I desire death occasionally when the sting of loneliness hurts more than I feel I can bear, or when I feel like I'm embarrassed of the type of person other people view me as and I wish I could just disappear. It's very important to establish motivation. I think the metaphor of swimming against the current is very illustrative. It requires so much effort to try to keep up with everything when you feel like nature itself - the immensity of an ocean, or sea - is fighting against you. However, the thing about nature is that we can't alter the pull of the tide, right? I don't want to be rude and assume your situation, but perhaps going with the current will bring you some of the peace you desire. Accepting the things you can't change, and finding purpose or motivation in changing the things you can. That's a process I'm still learning to accept, but it is rewarding.

 

[user56765567]

I agree I think it's harder to do anything when you lose the motivation/driving force and it feels like you're swimming against the current but for me things have not only changed in that sense but also in the sense of despising to do anything as well. I feel like the transition has been quick in some ways but slow in others but as I gradually grew to abhor different things over time for various reasons this anti driving force emerged. Now, it not only feels like I'm swimming against the current but that there are sharks in the water eating me alive as well as a lack of motivation turns into scathing resentment and disgust that makes me want to stop swimming against the current, leave the water, and walk away completely on my own terms instead of letting that happen over time naturally speaking.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

Desiring death is not really a desire in and of itself, but a desire for the absence of unpleasant things, I believe. I desire death occasionally when the sting of loneliness hurts more than I feel I can bear, or when I feel like I'm embarrassed of the type of person other people view me as and I wish I could just disappear. It's very important to establish motivation. I think the metaphor of swimming against the current is very illustrative. It requires so much effort to try to keep up with everything when you feel like nature itself - the immensity of an ocean, or sea - is fighting against you. However, the thing about nature is that we can't alter the pull of the tide, right? I don't want to be rude and assume your situation, but perhaps going with the current will bring you some of the peace you desire. Accepting the things you can't change, and finding purpose or motivation in changing the things you can. That's a process I'm still learning to accept, but it is rewarding.

very well writted! i can also relate to the sharks and so on. It is really similar to what i'm going through. I hope you can find some relief out of the water, i don't know if walk away from the water mean that you want to ctb or just manage your life differently but anyways, best lucks.

 

[gogoprince]

very well writted! i can also relate to the sharks and so on. It is really similar to what i'm going through. I hope you can find some relief out of the water, i don't know if walk away from the water mean that you want to ctb or just manage your life differently but anyways, best lucks.

I think about this from the perspective that we can never really walk away from the water. I kind of wandered over here from the recovery page. I don't want to commit suicide at this point in my life, but there are times where I desire death. I'm saying for me personally, desiring death has been my way of not accepting things as they are. There is a lot of occasional unpleasantness that surrounds us, but when we end up suffering the most is when we rebel against those moments of occasional unpleasantness, and we end up feeling exhausted and depleted fighting against things that cannot change. The solution then, to enjoying life, I've found is to swim with the tide instead of against it.
And yes, there are sharks out there, but just like in nature: generally sharks won't attack us unless we provoke them. Some places the sharks are more aggressive, and I don't want to assume what your situation is either, but also try to remember that the sharks are living beings as well that deserve our compassion. Sometimes too we can be the sharks for other people as well and we don't even realize it.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

I think about this from the perspective that we can never really walk away from the water. I kind of wandered over here from the recovery page. I don't want to commit suicide at this point in my life, but there are times where I desire death. I'm saying for me personally, desiring death has been my way of not accepting things as they are. There is a lot of occasional unpleasantness that surrounds us, but when we end up suffering the most is when we rebel against those moments of occasional unpleasantness, and we end up feeling exhausted and depleted fighting against things that cannot change. The solution then, to enjoying life, I've found is to swim with the tide instead of against it.
And yes, there are sharks out there, but just like in nature: generally sharks won't attack us unless we provoke them. Some places the sharks are more aggressive, and I don't want to assume what your situation is either, but also try to remember that the sharks are living beings as well that deserve our compassion. Sometimes too we can be the sharks for other people as well and we don't even realize it.

I understand what you mean but when you have almost only moment of unpleasantness and extremely rare moment of pleasure it is difficult to just accept things as they are. I did it for years, accepting things as they are, i was very bad but still fighting to get better,

I still accept things as they are but i dont fight anymore, i'm in complete despair for trying so much without much result and accepting things do not prevent me to experience extreme suffering constantly.
what's going trough my mind is purely torture.
I swim with the tide but this tide bring me to passivity and suicidiality as an anti driving force. If i try to go againt it i have minimal reward wich doesn't motivate to keep Moving forward. After 8years of different therapy :
Psychoanalysis, Cognitivo behavioural therapy, gestalt therapy, hypnose, antidepressants, EMDR, Ayahuasca, psycolicibin, yoga, meditation, ..
I concluded that the real issue is the way i function. It has helped me in some ways, for example with anxiety. But i'm neurodivergent and i struggle to fit in society, i'm constantly out of step with others, i'm not able to focus on what is saying around and my disabling short term memory prevent me to understand long sentences as i forget the begin of the sentence when it is at the end. I'm not able to listen a class as well as following a conversation. My mind if full of deconstructed Ideas running at a high speed and i'm not able to bring them together.
I Lost the social life i had over time cause of depression and social alienation.
I used to be a DJ and composer, i was not happy during these time but at least i had these hobbys, now i cannot find the will to do it anymore neither the pleasure if i try. Even listening music is hard cause it remember me that i give up the only thing who was creating meaning in a life of torments.