Contemplating Public ctb

[killmeplz]

I've accepted that my life is over and am in the start process of checking out. Do what little good I can for some people I like. Plotting when to do it (after holidays so they're not ruined for my gf) and where. There's no hope for improvement and it'll only get worse. I'm a colossal failure and waste of life and resources. Only my cat would be worse off without me. There's nothing to live for. All that exists is helplessness, despair, and hopelessness.

Can't get a gun legally. Would fuck up a hanging or cutting my wrist. Strongly considering a suicide by cop or in public check out (jump in front of train).

 

[Kalista]

Train would be more controllable and straightforward than suicide by cop. There are a few variables you have to consider when engaging cops. They will try to surround you and take you down in your blind spot. Finding a good place to do it where you can't be ambushed is ideal.

Which ever one you choose, I hope it goes well.

 

[Despondent_Fondant]

Recently I had a failed attempt with a train. Personally the added layer of potentially traumatizing both the people on the train, as well as the people who would have to "clean up" my body was too much. Suicide by cop means someone else is going to have to take your life, and then continue living. Do you think that putting that kind of burden on someone else is really what you are trying to accomplish? I dont want to sound harsh, it just seems inhumane to do that to someone, against their will. I hope you find peace, I believe in you

 

[Endoflifecomestoall]

Train would be more controllable and straightforward than suicide by cop. There are a few variables you have to consider when engaging cops. They will try to surround you and take you down in your blind spot. Finding a good place to do it where you can't be ambushed is ideal.

Which ever one you choose, I hope it goes well.

You will be taking someone else with you. Mentally if not physically, bad karma will spread around

 

[breezeboy]

Recently I had a failed attempt with a train. Personally the added layer of potentially traumatizing both the people on the train, as well as the people who would have to "clean up" my body was too much. Suicide by cop means someone else is going to have to take your life, and then continue living. Do you think that putting that kind of burden on someone else is really what you are trying to accomplish? I dont want to sound harsh, it just seems inhumane to do that to someone, against their will. I hope you find peace, I believe in you

How do you fail an attempt with a train other then by just not doing it?

 

[Despondent_Fondant]

How do you fail an attempt with a train other then by just not doing it?

I ended up calling the suicide hotline and walking my sorry ass back home. Now I have decided on shallow water blackout drowning as my method. Im far more ok with the idea of drowning than getting hit by a train, so I dont expect to be here much longer honestly.

 

[breezeboy]

I've accepted that my life is over and am in the start process of checking out. Do what little good I can for some people I like. Plotting when to do it (after holidays so they're not ruined for my gf) and where. There's no hope for improvement and it'll only get worse. I'm a colossal failure and waste of life and resources. Only my cat would be worse off without me. There's nothing to live for. All that exists is helplessness, despair, and hopelessness.

Can't get a gun legally. Would fuck up a hanging or cutting my wrist. Strongly considering a suicide by cop or in public check out (jump in front of train).

I definitely wouldn't do suicide by cop because it's not a guarantee you'll die. Could end up surviving and then sent to prison. Train would certainly work but it's not pretty.

If you're in the Us have you considered illegal guns?

I ended up calling the suicide hotline and walking my sorry ass back home. Now I have decided on shallow water blackout drowning as my method. Im far more ok with the idea of drowning than getting hit by a train, so I dont expect to be here much longer honestly.

Ahh okay. I don't blame you at all i definitely couldn't step in front of a train.
Im currently planning on using a gun and just hoping my impulsivity will help me just say fuck it and pull the trigger.

 

[Despondent_Fondant]

I definitely wouldn't do suicide by cop because it's not a guarantee you'll die. Could end up surviving and then sent to prison. Train would certainly work but it's not pretty.

If you're in the Us have you considered illegal guns?

Ahh okay. I don't blame you at all i definitely couldn't step in front of a train.
Im currently planning on using a gun and just hoping my impulsivity will help me just say fuck it and pull the trigger.

Do you ever find it weird when you are on this site talking to people who will more than likely be dead soon? In a few weeks the odds of me being gone, forever, is high, and yet we are talking right now. Maybe one day someone will read this exact message, the words of a dead man. Idk I just wanted to mention that. With regards to the whole train thing I made the mistake of telling a close friend about it, and they wanted to take me to the hospital. I mean it's just so shameful, I had to tell them I was fine so many times. Do you tell anyone about failed "attempts" or do you keep it close to your chest?

 

[breezeboy]

Do you ever find it weird when you are on this site talking to people who will more than likely be dead soon? In a few weeks the odds of me being gone, forever, is high, and yet we are talking right now. Maybe one day someone will read this exact message, the words of a dead man. Idk I just wanted to mention that. With regards to the whole train thing I made the mistake of telling a close friend about it, and they wanted to take me to the hospital. I mean it's just so shameful, I had to tell them I was fine so many times. Do you tell anyone about failed "attempts" or do you keep it close to your chest?

Literally all the time. Reading the comments left behind on here by people you know are now dead is sobering. It really makes you realize how serious what you're doing is.

Everything we have ever done and here we are right now talking on this site. Crazy.

And even though I've wanted to die for so long I've never made an actual attempt because I've always been too scared. A coward. This past year was really the nail in the coffin though for me(no pun intended). Im still scared but not enough to stop me anymore. my timeframe for ctb is April/May.
And I keep things close to my chest for sure because people just usually don't understand.

 

[Despondent_Fondant]

Literally all the time. Reading the comments left behind on here by people you know are now dead is sobering. It really makes you realize how serious what you're doing is.

Everything we have ever done and here we are right now talking on this site. Crazy.

And even though I've wanted to die for so long I've never made an actual attempt because I've always been too scared. A coward. This past year was really the nail in the coffin though for me(no pun intended). Im still scared but not enough to stop me anymore. my timeframe for ctb is April/May.
And I keep things close to my chest for sure because people just usually don't understand.

It makes me think about the "finality" of this decision. I often think that suicide will make my life better in some way, but reading the comments from dead people on this site makes me realize that my life is completely over after, not better.

I agree, cosmically the chances of us both being in this position is just so fucking low, but here we are.

There is nothing wrong with being scared to ctb. People who say they have no survival instinct (SI) are lying to themselves. What was it about this year in particular that was sop hard? It's fine if you dont want to answer :) no judgment.

 

[breezeboy]

It makes me think about the "finality" of this decision. I often think that suicide will make my life better in some way, but reading the comments from dead people on this site makes me realize that my life is completely over after, not better.

I agree, cosmically the chances of us both being in this position is just so fucking low, but here we are.

There is nothing wrong with being scared to ctb. People who say they have no survival instinct (SI) are lying to themselves. What was it about this year in particular that was sop hard? It's fine if you dont want to answer :) no judgment.

I honestly don't know what to expect from the afterlife. I think it's foolish for anyone to think they know exactly what's going to happen because until you take the journey you dont. I dont think it will be nothingness. Wouldn't mind if it was though.

Yeah for sure and for me I don't think it's an actual fear of dying so much just more of not knowing what's waiting for me if anything at all. Fear of the unknown basically.

This year was hard for a couple of different reasons. The past few years have all been downhill but it all just seemed to really catch up to me this year. Long story short I had my heart shattered by the most beautiful girl I've ever known after trusting her. I already knew from experience not to trust anyone with your heart and the pain that can come from it but I fell for it anyway. I know heartbreak is common but this was different. Ive never understood love. She made me understand and when I would be with her i would literally see sparkles in the air and you could just feel the loving energy surrounding us. I had her. I had the fucking sun in the palm of my hand. And then it was gone. Over and done. I had been planning to ctb before I met her but she made me want to live. After it was over I fell back into the misery i had been in before only this time it was worse. Later I lose my car and my job. Was able to get another car but ended up crashing it in a police chase. I was on probation already so I'm looking at 2-3 years in prison. So I'm done. I should've did it years ago. I hate how humans live in today's society. I hate the things that people make important. It's all such bullshit

The main problem has always been me. Im not a good person and honestly I probably deserve a lot of what happens to me.

 

[killmeplz]

Train would be more controllable and straightforward than suicide by cop. There are a few variables you have to consider when engaging cops. They will try to surround you and take you down in your blind spot. Finding a good place to do it where you can't be ambushed is ideal.

Which ever one you choose, I hope it goes well.

I've picked out a good train location where a known line goes fast enough to do the job. Envisioned just closing my eyes and leaping in front of it during rush hour so I can at least delay/impact many people's day. Always thought I'd do something memorable in life but haven't so this seems like a good idea. Thinking if I pull a fake gun on a group of cops they'll rightfully shoot me dead with 50 plus rounds.

I definitely wouldn't do suicide by cop because it's not a guarantee you'll die. Could end up surviving and then sent to prison. Train would certainly work but it's not pretty.

If you're in the Us have you considered illegal guns?

Ahh okay. I don't blame you at all i definitely couldn't step in front of a train.
Im currently planning on using a gun and just hoping my impulsivity will help me just say fuck it and pull the trigger.

Sadly I can't get a gun legally. Democrat states suck and make vets waive va care to have a gun (at least in mine).

I definitely wouldn't do suicide by cop because it's not a guarantee you'll die. Could end up surviving and then sent to prison. Train would certainly work but it's not pretty.

If you're in the Us have you considered illegal guns?

Ahh okay. I don't blame you at all i definitely couldn't step in front of a train.
Im currently planning on using a gun and just hoping my impulsivity will help me just say fuck it and pull the trigger.

Sadly I can't get a gun legally. Democrat states suck and make vets waive va care to have a gun (at least in mine).
Not sure which method to use that would work best and quickest. Can't get a gun (democrat states suck). Apartment doesn't have anywhere to hang a rope (guess I didn't want to die when moving here). As a total failure I'm certain I'd fuck up slitting my wrist or throat and end up just in a hospital or worse.

Poisons are getable but seems less certain to work, or may take looong times. Of course SN and N are banned/hard to get in US. But those seem too subtle anyway.

Would love to make my suicide a public spectacle at a sports game or gambling place. They're a main reason I'm leaving. Would be great to somehow do a big "fuck you " to both leaving details on why they're bad while offing myself. Since my life is a waste maybe my end can help others

 

[breezeboy]

I've picked out a good train location where a known line goes fast enough to do the job. Envisioned just closing my eyes and leaping in front of it during rush hour so I can at least delay/impact many people's day. Always thought I'd do something memorable in life but haven't so this seems like a good idea. Thinking if I pull a fake gun on a group of cops they'll rightfully shoot me dead with 50 plus rounds.

Sadly I can't get a gun legally. Democrat states suck and make vets waive va care to have a gun (at least in mine).

Sadly I can't get a gun legally. Democrat states suck and make vets waive va care to have a gun (at least in mine).
Not sure which method to use that would work best and quickest. Can't get a gun (democrat states suck). Apartment doesn't have anywhere to hang a rope (guess I didn't want to die when moving here). As a total failure I'm certain I'd fuck up slitting my wrist or throat and end up just in a hospital or worse.

Poisons are getable but seems less certain to work, or may take looong times. Of course SN and N are banned/hard to get in US. But those seem too subtle anyway.

Would love to make my suicide a public spectacle at a sports game or gambling place. They're a main reason I'm leaving. Would be great to somehow do a big "fuck you " to both leaving details on why they're bad while offing myself. Since my life is a waste maybe my end can help others

I understand the legal gun problem but it's fairly easy to find guns on the street for sale in america. If you're going to ctb then it doesn't matter if the weapon is legal or not.

If you're really interested in hanging then finding something to hang on is not difficult. You could probably buy a pull up bar or go to the woods for a tree. I definitely don't recommend cutting. Very painful and could fail.

Ive read on here about people having sn sent to them in America i just don't know where they are getting it from. I wish i knew.

I don't understand the want for a public death personally because most people probably won't even care. Especially in america you'll just end up on social media with people in the comments talking shit about you. Fucked up society