Considering posting my suicide note on my college's reddit page.

[rudebeat]

I've been suicidal for long before this, but recently I've been getting harassed in literally every college course I attend and also by my roommate. People always think you don't hear them whispering even when you're right next to them. I think I've been called a freak by 2 different groups of people in 2 different classes on the same day and it's for reasons I can't even control. I recently picked up a nervous tick that I physically cannot stop. If the doctor I'm going to doesn't give me the medicine that I think would stop it I give myself 30 70 odds of dying that week, and much higher odds later in the semester. People are only going to treat me worse and worse over the course of the semester as I continue doing this nervous tick, and given what I've experienced in the first 4 days of classes I don't want to know what they'll do or say later.
My plan is currently either while I go home for a weekend, to use my sn in the basement. If I end up getting impulsive and doing it at school I'll go into a bathroom at night, lock the door, turn a shower on to block noise, drink my sn, anonymously post my note and hope for the best. I'm not sure whether I want to be an asshole and mention the harassment (won't be naming names though) that I've received in the note to make the people who harassed me feel like shit or not. It's definitely overcompensating but they're not good people either so I'm not sure what to think. I'll be mentioning all of the other stuff that led me to that point too. I'll probably post another thread and link the reddit page if this is really the road I end up wanting to go down.

Edit: Rethinking posting the reddit page because I don't want people here brigading it.

 

[rudebeat]

My health issues just took a sudden turn for the worse. All of the sudden when listening to a youtube video as the person was talking I started hearing a sudden ringing constantly increasing in volume and decreasing in volume very quickly whenever the person started speaking. I thought this was an issue with the mic at first but nope, clicked on a second video and I'm hearing the same thing. My tinnitus which I had mostly habituated to has now added a new highly reactive tone in response to any time I hear a noise. Odds of suicide are going up fast.

 

[FuneralCry]

Some people are just so cruel and awful, I personally cannot stand people. I'm sorry that you are going through this. Tinnitus can be a dreadful condition, people should not have to listen to constant noise. That condition should not even exist in the first place. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[mindcancer]

Why do you feel like making the details of your suicide public knowledge in and around your college? You're going to be remembered for that and that only. There's not much dignity in doing it. Is it to make the people who bully you feel bad about themselves? A final rebellion? I've never believed in making other people feel bad to boost myself, but if that satisfies you, you might as well. Good luck in your endeavour.

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Please don't make your suicide about someone else. It won't work. They will not feel guilty. They will not be changed by the loss of you. The cruel and unaware among us do not perceive as we do; their bliss is in the fact that they absorb so little of others' pain.

Please do not make one bad day the reason you end your life. You may not get the right medication on the first try but that doesn't mean another won't work. I know that it looks bleak to you but you are far from useless, far from condemned, far from hopeless.

Please rethink this.

 

[rudebeat]

Why do you feel like making the details of your suicide public knowledge in and around your college? You're going to be remembered for that and that only. There's not much dignity in doing it. Is it to make the people who bully you feel bad about themselves? A final rebellion? I've never believed in making other people feel bad to boost myself, but if that satisfies you, you might as well. Good luck in your endeavour.

Because I don't want to die alone in a basement with no one knowing and no one caring. Also when you said if I do this I'll be remembered as having committed suicide only; well as opposed to them remembering that one person that got called a freak and withdrew from university (that's being nice to them, some of them will just remember me as the freak who withdrew from university) it's easily better. I don't exactly have much to work with.
I had this idea before I got the idea of mentioning the harassment, which you can see in a previous post I made before this thread where I said I probably wouldn't mention it because I didn't want to make them feel guilty. In my most recent post I changed my mind and said "I'm not sure if I want to be an asshole or not and mention the harassment." You're acting as if I'm very set on the idea of trying to make them feel some guilt when all I said was that I wasn't sure what I wanted to do.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

Because I don't want to die alone in a basement with no one knowing and no one caring. Also when you said if I do this I'll be remembered as having committed suicide only; well as opposed to them remembering that one person that got called a freak and withdrew from university (that's being nice to them, some of them will just remember me as the freak who withdrew from university) it's easily better. I don't exactly have much to work with.
I had this idea before I got the idea of mentioning the harassment, which you can see in a previous post I made before this thread where I said I probably wouldn't mention it because I didn't want to make them feel guilty. In my most recent post I changed my mind and said "I'm not sure if I want to be an asshole or not and mention the harassment." You're acting as if I'm very set on the idea of trying to make them feel some guilt when all I said was that I wasn't sure what I wanted to do.

Why do you care if you'll be dead? Is it to help you do it? Most people write notes ultimately for their own comfort so they can ctb knowing that they're minimizing some damage, but revenge stuff is really icky to me.

But I haven't walked in your shoes, so yeah.

 

[LastFlowers]

Why do you feel like making the details of your suicide public knowledge in and around your college? You're going to be remembered for that and that only. There's not much dignity in doing it. Is it to make the people who bully you feel bad about themselves? A final rebellion? I've never believed in making other people feel bad to boost myself, but if that satisfies you, you might as well. Good luck in your endeavour.

Some people deserve to feel bad..but the thing with bullies is, they usually don't, I've seen them stoop so low as to continue to make fun of someone after they killed themselves, in fact using it as further incentive. It's sick.

 

[rudebeat]

Please don't make your suicide about someone else. It won't work. They will not feel guilty. They will not be changed by the loss of you. The cruel and unaware among us do not perceive as we do; their bliss is in the fact that they absorb so little of others' pain.

Please do not make one bad day the reason you end your life. You may not get the right medication on the first try but that doesn't mean another won't work. I know that it looks bleak to you but you are far from useless, far from condemned, far from hopeless.

Please rethink this.

My suicide isn't based on one bad day. I appreciate that you're being kind but I'm also potentially in the process of going blind and the damage of my vision has seemed to accelerate a lot in the start of this year, and the faster I go the safer I'll be from being blind and losing my ability to cbt altogether. I have many, many health issues. However I think I've found a partial solution to the harassment problem. I've decided I'm going to move into an apartment next to the school and attend an online university separate from the one I'm attending now. This way I can still attend clubs and see all my friends, without having to go to in person classes where I'll be harassed. If my friends start harassing me, which I doubt they would... But if they do, I probably won't post any note at all and will cbt quickly. I don't think I could take that.

 

[ThriveOrDie]

I'm so sorry people are so mean

On one hand I think people need to know how harmful their behavior is but it can cause you more trauma if you fail at ctb. You could argue that maybe these people will learn something and be nicer to other people in the future but I don't think it will affect them.

 

[rudebeat]

Why do you care if you'll be dead? Is it to help you do it? Most people write notes ultimately for their own comfort so they can ctb knowing that they're minimizing some damage, but revenge stuff is really icky to me.

But I haven't walked in your shoes, so yeah.

I feel like I'm restating myself but I didn't say I wanted to write a suicide note that's only about revenge. My previous post history shows I had this idea when I still was completely against the idea of mentioning the fact that I was harassed. Also all I stated in my most recent post is that I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. The most recent post was made in the heat of the moment and now while I'm still very upset I'm back to the opinion I first had which I mentioned was that I would purposely exclude any details of harassment to make people not feel guilty.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I feel like I'm restating myself but I didn't say I wanted to write a suicide note that's only about revenge. My previous post history shows I had this idea when I still was completely against the idea of mentioning the fact that I was harassed. Also all I stated in my most recent post is that I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. The most recent post was made in the heat of the moment and now while I'm still very upset I'm back to the opinion I first had which I mentioned was that I would purposely exclude any details of harassment to make people not feel guilty.

Alrighty. Sorry if I didn't read into it properly~

 

[Capsicum_Corral]

I feel like I'm restating myself but I didn't say I wanted to write a suicide note that's only about revenge. My previous post history shows I had this idea when I still was completely against the idea of mentioning the fact that I was harassed. Also all I stated in my most recent post is that I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. The most recent post was made in the heat of the moment and now while I'm still very upset I'm back to the opinion I first had which I mentioned was that I would purposely exclude any details of harassment to make people not feel guilty.

Mentioning harassment as your reason to ctb is unlikely to make anyone feel guilty. If anything, it could give harassers reason to gloat and feel like they were right... Don't give them that joy.

I like your idea of switching to a different school or classes to take yourself out of that situation.

Now that you mention tinnitus, I'm hearing mine again now... Normally I just tune that out, because it's super annoying. Don't remember if I could always do this, but I just kind of stop paying attention to it. Then it's out of my awareness. Hope you can get some of this resolved without a bus ride.

 

[rudebeat]

Something kind of very unusual has happened and I really need advice on this topic. I don't know what to do. For context, my room is right next to the shower. 2 times in a row now, whenever I leave my room and take a shower somebody (I think the manager of the our dorm section) comes and starts slamming on the door to my room with my room mate inside. I'm pretty sure they're slamming on the door with my room mate inside because I sent this email to my dorm manager a couple of days ago.

Hi.
My roommate is repeatedly saying negative things while I have head phones on thinking that I can't hear him. I'm not 100% sure he said this, because my hearing is bad, which I told him and it's part of the reason he thinks I can't hear him, (although I am 100% sure he said multiple other things), but if he did the worst was, "God could this guy get any weirder?" This was after I put my headphones back on after talking to him telling him I might leave Miami because of some issues with my eyes that are being made worse by staying at Miami, and because my voice was shakey while saying that because I was sad. I don't want him to be punished, I don't want to be around him anymore and would like to figure out a way to get away from him as soon as possible.
Thank you.

This email has led to a shit storm. I've only been able to hear bits and pieces of it based off how loud the manager and my room mate are screaming. After the manager slams on the dorm for a while, I think they asked about the email I wrote and specifically the part where I said, "I am 100% sure he said multiple other things." It was hard to hear for a while but my room mate just started screaming I don't know over, and over, and over again. Then, out of nowhere, the power to the dorm gets shut off. My room mate sounded like he screamed, "Are you insane?" The manager just kept asking the same questions over and over again, and also said they didn't believe my room mate did nothing because I've been witnessed crying while trying to hide in a study room a lot. However, most of the time the crying had nothing to do with him, even though he continued to say stuff constantly thinking I couldn't hear.

After what felt like an hour, I had to leave, and as soon as I turned off the shower I heard the manager say, "You're dead." I waited another 10 minutes to come out after this and by the time I came out there was no one there and when I went in my room my room mate acted as if nothing happened. I thought, oh, maybe nothing happened with my roommate after all? Nope.
Next day, as soon as I leave to take a shower, the same thing happens again. The power being shut off, everything.

I really would rather my room mate not be punished, but I also have no idea of how to bring this up to the manager since I already said that, they seem to have a habit of crossing boundaries and doing things they were allowed to do. I don't have any idea what to do. My room mate is 100% an asshole but this is a little much.

 

[downndone2]

Something kind of very unusual has happened and I really need advice on this topic. I don't know what to do. For context, my room is right next to the shower. 2 times in a row now, whenever I leave my room and take a shower somebody (I think the manager of the our dorm section) comes and starts slamming on the door to my room with my room mate inside. I'm pretty sure they're slamming on the door with my room mate inside because I sent this email to my dorm manager a couple of days ago.

Hi.
My roommate is repeatedly saying negative things while I have head phones on thinking that I can't hear him. I'm not 100% sure he said this, because my hearing is bad, which I told him and it's part of the reason he thinks I can't hear him, (although I am 100% sure he said multiple other things), but if he did the worst was, "God could this guy get any weirder?" This was after I put my headphones back on after talking to him telling him I might leave Miami because of some issues with my eyes that are being made worse by staying at Miami, and because my voice was shakey while saying that because I was sad. I don't want him to be punished, I don't want to be around him anymore and would like to figure out a way to get away from him as soon as possible.
Thank you.

This email has led to a shit storm. I've only been able to hear bits and pieces of it based off how loud the manager and my room mate are screaming. After the manager slams on the dorm for a while, I think they asked about the email I wrote and specifically the part where I said, "I am 100% sure he said multiple other things." It was hard to hear for a while but my room mate just started screaming I don't know over, and over, and over again. Then, out of nowhere, the power to the dorm gets shut off. My room mate sounded like he screamed, "Are you insane?" The manager just kept asking the same questions over and over again, and also said they didn't believe my room mate did nothing because I've been witnessed crying while trying to hide in a study room a lot. However, most of the time the crying had nothing to do with him, even though he continued to say stuff constantly thinking I couldn't hear.

After what felt like an hour, I had to leave, and as soon as I turned off the shower I heard the manager say, "You're dead." I waited another 10 minutes to come out after this and by the time I came out there was no one there and when I went in my room my room mate acted as if nothing happened. I thought, oh, maybe nothing happened with my roommate after all? Nope.
Next day, as soon as I leave to take a shower, the same thing happens again. The power being shut off, everything.

I really would rather my room mate not be punished, but I also have no idea of how to bring this up to the manager since I already said that, they seem to have a habit of crossing boundaries and doing things they were allowed to do. I don't have any idea what to do. My room mate is 100% an asshole but this is a little much.

Hi there! How old are you? How much longer do you have in school? How long does your school require you to stay in the dorm? What are you going to school for?

 

[meetapple]

Can you go to somewhere higher up? Why won't your doctor give you the meds you want?

 

[virginiawoolfe]

I've been suicidal for long before this, but recently I've been getting harassed in literally every college course I attend and also by my roommate. People always think you don't hear them whispering even when you're right next to them. I think I've been called a freak by 2 different groups of people in 2 different classes on the same day and it's for reasons I can't even control. I recently picked up a nervous tick that I physically cannot stop. If the doctor I'm going to doesn't give me the medicine that I think would stop it I give myself 30 70 odds of dying that week, and much higher odds later in the semester. People are only going to treat me worse and worse over the course of the semester as I continue doing this nervous tick, and given what I've experienced in the first 4 days of classes I don't want to know what they'll do or say later.
My plan is currently either while I go home for a weekend, to use my sn in the basement. If I end up getting impulsive and doing it at school I'll go into a bathroom at night, lock the door, turn a shower on to block noise, drink my sn, anonymously post my note and hope for the best. I'm not sure whether I want to be an asshole and mention the harassment (won't be naming names though) that I've received in the note to make the people who harassed me feel like shit or not. It's definitely overcompensating but they're not good people either so I'm not sure what to think. I'll be mentioning all of the other stuff that led me to that point too. I'll probably post another thread and link the reddit page if this is really the road I end up wanting to go down.

Edit: Rethinking posting the reddit page because I don't want people here brigading it.

Sorry for your pain and for the crap others are putting you through . I understand and empathise with your feelings - I have been there too. Just want to run a thought or two by you though ... Can you leave college? Find a new pathway that fits the person you want to be? So these dicks are making your life a misery .. should they really be allowed to snuff you out completely ? I believe that what goes around comes around. Who knows maybe in a few years time you'll be living the life you deserve and they'll be out in the cold. I wish you strength and hope

 

[rudebeat]

Sorry for your pain and for the crap others are putting you through . I understand and empathise with your feelings - I have been there too. Just want to run a thought or two by you though ... Can you leave college? Find a new pathway that fits the person you want to be? So these dicks are making your life a misery .. should they really be allowed to snuff you out completely ? I believe that what goes around comes around. Who knows maybe in a few years time you'll be living the life you deserve and they'll be out in the cold. I wish you strength and hope

Yeah I actually came up with a decent idea today. I'm renting an apartment next to the college campus but withdrawing from the university and switching to an online college. This way I can still see my friends and go to clubs to meet people. Thanks for the sentiment.

 

[meetapple]

I struggle with thoughts of revenge. I would like to CTB in a public place. Perhaps we can channel our anger somewhere else.