Help considering my methods

[toro]

thinking about starting to prepare my CTB, it's weird because this is probably the best my life has been going for a good few years. i've made new friends, i've actually managed to develop feelings for someone (thanks to me refusing to take my zombie-meds) and i'm in a new, well paying job that also actively pays into my pension. all things considered i think CTB should be the last thing on my mind but here i am.

it's super super lame actually, but my cat is old, he's started to stumble around, he doesn't look as clean as he used too because he doesn't have the energy to clean himself anymore. he's been my best friend for 14 years already, i cannot remember my life before i had him. is it weird to say he's almost like a father to me? not that i have a bad relationship with my dad, i have no reasonable cause to CTB from an outsiders perspective.

right now my best bet is a set of blades (that i bought weeks ago and haven't used! that's improvement! i'd have posted about it on the recovery forum but it would've felt like i was lying, since i'm still very much considering CTB as my main option). i am far too stupid for any kind of bitcoin, i could try and get something hard from a couple dodgy friends and then OD on it, but that kinda thing sucks LOL.

i really don't know, i feel like i'm cheating because CTB is kind of just my crutch, something feels like it's spiralling out of control? 'oh, i'll just kill myself if it escalates and stresses me out too much', guy i like is interested in another girl?, 'i'll just kill myself so i don't have to ever look at myself in the mirror again after that kind of rejection', someone is mean to me at work? 'i am going to go home and kill myself so i never have to come to this place again'

it'd be kinda awkward if i did and got rushed to hospital though, since i do work there HAHA. my mum does too actually, she'd be well mad at me atleast i'll get to see the fnaf movie before i go

vaguely nsfw,

Spoiler: NSFW-ISH

but i'd hate to die a virgin (I KNOW ITS JUST A CONSTRUCT BUT ITS A CONSTRUCT I CARE ABOUT!!!!), so i was actually knocking around in a few forums a while ago to try and get that sorted, ended up changing my mind after having two fanfictions written about me (neither asked for) so i think i'll end up making peace with my state if things go nowhere with this guy LMFAO. genuinely curious though how many other people r struggling with this ?? i feel like i've seen ppl mention it before, but it's mostly guys which makes me feel like i'm just the single most unfuckable woman in the world w/ me not seeing other girls discuss this. promise i'm not a femcel just chronically reclusive :(

 

[ipmanwc0]

i would never recommend cutting as anything more than a gesture unless u can tolerate ctb by blood loss

 

[toro]

i would never recommend cutting as anything more than a gesture unless u can tolerate ctb by blood loss

yeah that's my biggest prob, for now the rough plan is get super coked up on something, cut while it's numb, and hope for the best. but it's shoddy LOL, here's hoping i have time to either scrap the attempt altogether or shape it up to be a lot more fool proof.

partial hanging is another good one i think i could do fairly easily, my bed is raised off the ground quite high so i have access to the roof and if it's partial i don't rlly need anything particularly strong! we'll see how things go HAHA, thank you for the comment :D

 

[Done_Surviving]

I don't want to tell you what to do, or seem mean and insensitive in any sort of way. I also have a pet, a Guinea Pig that is my life and joy and I wouldn't know how to function if something ever happened to her. But of you feel that your life if finally getting better, maybe you should really take a moment to reconsider. Yes your cat may have to go, but he will go in peace knowing that the person he loved the most is finally getting on their feet, and little by little walking forward. Whatever you decide to do, just make sure that you're sure and ready.