Discussion Considering a Goodbye Thread (not just yet, calm down): I Want to, and Yet I'm Defensive

[GoodPersonEffed]

When I think about doing a goodbye thread, I start to feel defensive about it. So I want to talk about it and get these feelings out. Maybe gain some helpful perspective from others for having done so.

I'm rational about this consideration as well as feeling strong emotions. I am defensive, which means I'm already offended, and I'm primed for an attack and a fight. I'm trying to honor what I feel but also not attack or harm, so with two exceptions at the end, parentheses are me giving my emotions some space to take part in this discussion without taking charge.

If someone sees something of themselves in the following and takes offense and wants to defend in return, perhaps they will note that I am rejecting things that deeply trouble me for good (fucking) reason. Perhaps they think they act out of good reason and that I am wrong. These things are serious enough to me that I am defensive and considering not doing something that would serve my wants and needs because of what I deeply oppose and reject, and what I would feel is an assault, much like the person who has an aversion to touch and rejects hugs; they're not rejecting the person hugging, they're rejecting an action they experience as harmful, no matter the intentions. Sometimes people try to force hugs on them anyway. There's no way to stop them, and that's part of my frustration and defensiveness, especially at the very last moments of my life. It's just not about the hugger or their desired connection anymore, the time for that is done, it's about something else now.

Doing a goodbye thread is attractive because in my last moments I would feel appreciated by those who genuinely appreciate me, valued, cared about, supported, and not alone in my final moments, which will be difficult ones. It would serve my courage, and I'm going to need it; I am courageous, I can do it alone, but it would be so much better if I got what I seek to bolster that, and I would lay out what I seek and what I don't want. However, I feel like in posting a thread that I'd have to simultaneoulsy walk through a minefield and get hit by shrapnel to obtain all of the benefits I seek.

I am defensive about people talking about promises of or hopes for an afterlife they believe in or desire to be true. I mindfully rejected such things in real life, and in response to these types of comments, I would be experiencing more defensive rejection of such things when I need to be calm, focused on the chosen action, and accepting of what I'm choosing to do. I may possibly hope for the same things as well, but they would not be the focus and so would be a distraction. The only hopes I have for my suicide are to not be interrupted, to pass as gently and quickly as possible, and for my choice to come to pass and be done with this life. Additional hopes would be the benefits I listed for doing a goodbye thread. I don't know if the benefits are worth walking through the minefield of what I don't want.

I am defensive about people telling me I can wait, or I can change my mind. I already know that. The reactive part of me says, "Duh-uh!" but it's an asshole thing to say that would negate another when they're (probably) not intentionally doing harm (unless they're an overt or covert troll); it would be negating when experiencing negation. Rationally speaking, I'm not arriving at this decision with anything but full awareness, and each time I attempt, I already have this. Telling me I can wait or change my mind would be a huge distraction from moving forward toward accomplishing my unfortunate but rational goal. Some members perhaps aren't making the wisest choice and such distractions may serve them. I, however, am making the wisest choice for myself, and I want that respected and honored. But I can't make anyone do what I want, and I don't yet know how to brush it off if they don't. Hence, I'm defensive. I've been on the forum long enough that people generally know I've already got this figured out, but someone newer, or someone compelled to, may make these suggestions I find distracting and (grrrr! fucking) irritating.

Really, all of these things I'm defensive about are things I don't know how to brush off, to just ignore and move on, or to be magnanimous about and give a hug react for. I just don't have that last one in me, to reward and soothe another for doing something I specifically say to not (fucking) do. The goodbye thread would be about rewarding and comforting me. If someone couldn't do that, I'd want them to not do anything at all. But people generally don't do nothing at all for the good of another.

I am defensive about people trying to talk me out of it, as someone generally does on goodbye threads. I can lay out all my reasons, I can lay out rules for what I accept on the thread, and still someone will potentially say, "I respect what you said, but..." and that "but" indicates they may feel respect but they're not acting on it, instead they act on their own desire for that person and their action. I dislike this term, but I consider it virtue signaling in this kind of situation; but virtue signaling is, to me, a judgmental and negating term and I'm leaning on it because it helps me feel more right and justified, so I own that. However, I haven't even done a goodbye thread, I'm only considering it, and yet I'm already defensive, I already want to say, "If you can't make it about me and what I want, then shut (the fuck) up. I'm also doing this for closure because this is a community, it's not just about me, so say goodbye, and either offer what I want or don't offer it, or kindly stay (the fuck) out of it." And people naturally resist that. They want to be and to feel active. They want to give something, even if it's been strictly prohibited, because they are not capable of giving what is specifically asked for, either because it goes against their personal values, their personal wishes, or their personal convenience (if you doubt this pronouncement, I challenge you to test it within yourself; what other reason is there for overriding someone's specifically stated wishes, as some folks override a will?). I've done this kind of overriding myself so many times in life, had it done to me, and witnessed it being done to others that I feel confident in saying: they feel compelled to interact and to give and feel good, when the greatest gift would be for them to disengage from the person and the event, to make the effort to restrain. People don't recognize how active self-restraint is, thought it goes unrecognized by the other. Part of me wants to say in the rules for the thread, "If you do other than what's in the rules, it's a selfish move." More emotionally, and irrationally, I want to say, ("It's a dick move"). But of course either statement will be perceived by some as throwing down a gauntlet, and that just breeds resentment and motivates retaliation, whether imagining retaliation or actually doing it. It's negativity that gives rise to negativity. And of course, people hear a call to give something, and when they can't or won't give that, they give something else to feel they are not ineffective and to show they care. I just don't (freaking) want what they give (!). (Aaaargh!!!!!) So I'm experiencing a triple-bind: I have to be careful about how I state my boundary so as not to invite attack; stating it naturally invites it negation and attack; and if I don't state it, I'm going to receive what I don't (fucking) want and I (argh!) don't know how to let ping off me and ignore.

Finally, I'm defensive about posting a goodbye thread because, for some, it's entertainment. It's a public forum, and I'm certain there are people who watch the forum like it's a non-graphic, real-time soap opera version of bestgore, and they feed off of the drama and emotions of the moment. There are also members who are here for no other reason than to vampire off others' emotions and needs and traumas, so even if the forum were private, it's still sick entertainment for some, and I'm resistant to feeding that. I would have to make a concession to get my wants and needs met while knowing that my pain, my bravery in moving forward out of unconquerable toxicity, and others' responses are, to some, like nectar. If it were true nectar, they would be satisfied and enriched and (full-)filled, not keep coming back to feed off of and shit out genuine human connection and compassion that arise in repsonse to genuine human need. Their actions are fueled by greed, hatred and delusion, which are never satisfied. And I'm not going to feed them with any more parentheses then the little one they got.

So yeah, I'm a little defensive.



Summary

Reasons for wanting to do a goodbye thread (benefits):

1. Feel appreciated by those who genuinely appreciate me
2. Feel valued
3. Feel cared about
4. Feel supported, comforted, and not alone in my difficult final moments
5. Courage from feeling supported and not alone as I act on my choice
6. Closure for the community as well as for myself, giving people a chance to say goodbye


What I'm offended and/or defensive about that caution me against doing a goodbye thread since I cannot control them (shrapnel):

1. Comments about a promised or hoped-for afterlife
2. Comments that I can wait or change my mind
3. Comments trying to talk me out of acting on my choice
4. My goodbye thread and suicide being entertainment

 

[TAW122]

This is very touching and emotional read, and thank you for sharing your feelings about it. Given what you have stated, I think it would be beneficial for you (getting your peace and feeling validated, supported) while also bringing closure and giving everyone an opportunity to wish you well when your time comes. With that said, ultimately, it's up to you and how you feel when your time comes, if you want to (which I think would be a good idea based on what I stated earlier) you may but if you aren't feeling comfortable when the time comes, then you don't have to. There is no pressure to do so.

Also one more thing is that sometimes even those with a goodbye thread may change their minds at the last moment and then back down. I've seen it happen frequently with other goodbye threads on here and that is ok.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Also one more thing is that sometimes even those with a goodbye thread may change their minds at the last moment and then back down. I've seen it happen frequently with other goodbye threads on here and that is ok.

It definitely is okay, for anyone else as well as for myself. Its just, in the context of my own goodbye thread, I already know that.

Thank you for your whole response.

 

[profoundexperience]

There is little to fault or disagree with in what you said. I quite like how @Winston did theirs here: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...tb-tonight-please-dont-be-sad-or-sorry.40616/

Like @Winston, other than out-rightly stating the things you don't want to hear (which you've examined/clarified very well), I don't have any ideas. It does seem that people ~mostly do respect those requests. Unfortunately, there will always be "vampires"... and, sadly we're all "vampires"/rubberneckers at times... that's part of what makes life/existence so shirty & not much can be done about that.

In the end, it may come-down to exactly what you've many times before (in your signature)... you state the problem so eloquently there:

The odor of fertilizer hints at seductions of lovely flowers and edifying herbs; beware its true invitation to come frolic in fields of bullshit.

 

[Mm80]

When I think about doing a goodbye thread, I start to feel defensive about it. So I want to talk about it and get these feelings out. Maybe gain some helpful perspective from others for having done so.

I'm rational about this consideration as well as feeling strong emotions. I am defensive, which means I'm already offended, and I'm primed for an attack and a fight. I'm trying to honor what I feel but also not attack or harm, so with two exceptions at the end, parentheses are me giving my emotions some space to take part in this discussion without taking charge.

If someone sees something of themselves in the following and takes offense and wants to defend in return, perhaps they will note that I am rejecting things that deeply trouble me for good (fucking) reason. Perhaps they think they act out of good reason and that I am wrong. These things are serious enough to me that I am defensive and considering not doing something that would serve my wants and needs because of what I deeply oppose and reject, and what I would feel is an assault, much like the person who has an aversion to touch and rejects hugs; they're not rejecting the person hugging, they're rejecting an action they experience as harmful, no matter the intentions. Sometimes people try to force hugs on them anyway. There's no way to stop them, and that's part of my frustration and defensiveness, especially at the very last moments of my life. It's just not about the hugger or their desired connection anymore, the time for that is done, it's about something else now.

Doing a goodbye thread is attractive because in my last moments I would feel appreciated by those who genuinely appreciate me, valued, cared about, supported, and not alone in my final moments, which will be difficult ones. It would serve my courage, and I'm going to need it; I am courageous, I can do it alone, but it would be so much better if I got what I seek to bolster that, and I would lay out what I seek and what I don't want. However, I feel like in posting a thread that I'd have to simultaneoulsy walk through a minefield and get hit by shrapnel to obtain all of the benefits I seek.

I am defensive about people talking about promises of or hopes for an afterlife they believe in or desire to be true. I mindfully rejected such things in real life, and in response to these types of comments, I would be experiencing more defensive rejection of such things when I need to be calm, focused on the chosen action, and accepting of what I'm choosing to do. I may possibly hope for the same things as well, but they would not be the focus and so would be a distraction. The only hopes I have for my suicide are to not be interrupted, to pass as gently and quickly as possible, and for my choice to come to pass and be done with this life. Additional hopes would be the benefits I listed for doing a goodbye thread. I don't know if the benefits are worth walking through the minefield of what I don't want.

I am defensive about people telling me I can wait, or I can change my mind. I already know that. The reactive part of me says, "Duh-uh!" but it's an asshole thing to say that would negate another when they're (probably) not intentionally doing harm (unless they're an overt or covert troll); it would be negating when experiencing negation. Rationally speaking, I'm not arriving at this decision with anything but full awareness, and each time I attempt, I already have this. Telling me I can wait or change my mind would be a huge distraction from moving forward toward accomplishing my unfortunate but rational goal. Some members perhaps aren't making the wisest choice and such distractions may serve them. I, however, am making the wisest choice for myself, and I want that respected and honored. But I can't make anyone do what I want, and I don't yet know how to brush it off if they don't. Hence, I'm defensive. I've been on the forum long enough that people generally know I've already got this figured out, but someone newer, or someone compelled to, may make these suggestions I find distracting and (grrrr! fucking) irritating.

Really, all of these things I'm defensive about are things I don't know how to brush off, to just ignore and move on, or to be magnanimous about and give a hug react for. I just don't have that last one in me, to reward and soothe another for doing something I specifically say to not (fucking) do. The goodbye thread would be about rewarding and comforting me. If someone couldn't do that, I'd want them to not do anything at all. But people generally don't do nothing at all for the good of another.

I am defensive about people trying to talk me out of it, as someone generally does on goodbye threads. I can lay out all my reasons, I can lay out rules for what I accept on the thread, and still someone will potentially say, "I respect what you said, but..." and that "but" indicates they may feel respect but they're not acting on it, instead they act on their own desire for that person and their action. I dislike this term, but I consider it virtue signaling in this kind of situation; but virtual signaling is, to me, a judgmental and negating term and I'm leaning on it because it helps me feel more right and justified, so I own that. However, I haven't even done a goodbye thread, I'm only considering it, and yet I'm already defensive, I already want to say, "If you can't make it about me and what I want, then shut (the fuck) up. I'm also doing this for closure because this is a community, it's not just about me, so say goodbye, and either offer what I want or don't offer it, or kindly stay (the fuck) out of it." And people naturally resist that. They want to be and to feel active. They want to give something, even if it's been strictly prohibited, because they are not capable of giving what is specifically asked for, either because it goes against their personal values, their personal wishes, or their personal convenience (if you doubt this pronouncement, I challenge you to test it within yourself; what other reason is there for overriding someone's specifically stated wishes?). I've done this kind of overriding myself so many times in life, had it done to me, and witnessed it being done to others that I feel confident in saying: they feel compelled to interact and to give and feel good, when the greatest gift would be for them to disengage from the person and the event, to make the effort to restrain. People don't recognize how active self-restraint is, thought it goes unrecognized by the other. Part of me wants to say in the rules for the thread, "If you do other than what's in the rules, it's a selfish move." Even more deeply, I want to say, ("It's a dick move"). But of course either statement will be perceived by some as throwing down a gauntlet, and that just breeds resentment and motivates retaliation, whether imagining retaliation or actually doing it. It's negativity that gives rise to negativity. And of course, people hear a call to give something, and when they can't or won't give that, they give something else to feel they are not ineffective and to show they care. I just don't (freaking) want what they give (!). (Aaaargh!!!!!) So I'm experiencing a triple-bind: I have to be careful about how I state my boundary so as not to invite attack; stating it naturally invites attack; and if I don't state it, I'm going to receive what I don't (fucking) want and I (argh!) don't know how to let ping off me and ignore.

Finally, I'm defensive about posting a goodbye thread because, for some, it's entertainment. It's a public forum, and I'm certain there are people who watch the forum like it's a non-graphic, real-time soap opera version of bestgore, and they feed off of the drama and emotions of the moment. There are also members who are here for no other reason than to vampire off others' emotions and needs and traumas, so even if the forum were private, it's still sick entertainment for some, and I'm resistant to feeding that. I would have to make a concession to get my wants and needs met while knowing that my pain, my bravery in moving forward out of unconquerable toxicity, and others' responses are, to some, like nectar. If it were true nectar, they would be satisfied and enriched and (full-)filled, not keep coming back to feed off of and shit out genuine human connection and compassion that arise in repsonse to genuine human need. Their actions are fueled by greed, hatred and delusion, which are never satisfied. And I'm not going to feed them with any more parentheses then the little one they got.

So yeah, I'm a little defensive.



Summary

Reasons for wanting to do a goodbye thread (benefits):

1. Feel appreciated by those who genuinely appreciate me
2. Feel valued
3. Feel cared about
4. Feel supported, comforted, and not alone in my difficult final moments
5. Courage from feeling supported and not alone as I act on my choice
6. Closure for the community as well as for myself, giving people a chance to say goodbye


What I'm offended and/or defensive about that caution me against doing a goodbye thread since I cannot control them (shrapnel):

1. Comments about a promised or hoped-for afterlife
2. Comments that I can wait or change my mind
3. Comments trying to talk me out of acting on my choice
4. My goodbye thread and suicide being entertainment

I couldnt imagine this forum without you on it.
It would be a huge loss in my opinion.
Ps i wouldnt like to be the person asking if you have thought it through and are sure lol.

 

[Zappfe lover]

I'm sure about one thing, I'm gonna miss your insightful posts after you go

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

and, sadly we're all "vampires"/rubberneckers at times

So true! I bust out popcorn, and I try to become aware when I'm feeding and taking. I've done a lot of self work on such patterns, they really don't feel good or satisfying when I'm in them. I have some regrets about some I had, hurt I caused.

Thanks for your whole comment, and also about my signature. I didn't know if anyone even reads or gets it!

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I get what you're saying here. I really do. I do think it's a natural thing though, that even though most of us here are broken souls, we want better for others than we do for ourselves. I think that's the main reason that people would post most of the things you said.

The other thing I can think of is this. I don't know if you've ever made any previous attempts which have either failed, or you've backed out of, but that in itself leaves a mark on a person. Speaking from my experience, it can leave you feeling worse than before you went in to it. Like you're a failure who can't even get that right, or something like that. So I guess people are just trying to be supportive by saying there's no shame in it.

In any case, I think I do understand where you're coming from. And it is a very personal thing so I can appreciate the thought process behind it. My time approaches And I don't know if I will post myself to be honest.

Last thing. The last point you made about people feeding off of it. You're probably right. But what a horrendous thought. I hope there aren't many lurking around like that because that really is low.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I couldnt imagine this forum without you on it.
It would be a huge loss in my opinion.
Ps i wouldnt like to be the person asking if you have thought it through and are sure lol.

Thank you. I deeply appreciate that.

That PS? I laughed out loud. Probably not a surprise to you it's not the first time I've heard something like that in my life. Lord, I try not to unsheath my claws when I feel like I've got no choice but to smack! They are SHARP!

 

[profoundexperience]

I don't know if you've ever made any previous attempts which have either failed, or you've backed out of, but that in itself leaves a mark on a person. Speaking from my experience, it can leave you feeling worse than before you went in to it. Like you're a failure who can't even get that right, or something like that. So I guess people are just trying to be supportive by saying there's no shame in it.

I so much like/appreciate how you said that, @LookingOverTheEdge!

 

[HadEnough1974]

When I think about doing a goodbye thread, I start to feel defensive about it. So I want to talk about it and get these feelings out. Maybe gain some helpful perspective from others for having done so.

I'm rational about this consideration as well as feeling strong emotions. I am defensive, which means I'm already offended, and I'm primed for an attack and a fight. I'm trying to honor what I feel but also not attack or harm, so with two exceptions at the end, parentheses are me giving my emotions some space to take part in this discussion without taking charge.

If someone sees something of themselves in the following and takes offense and wants to defend in return, perhaps they will note that I am rejecting things that deeply trouble me for good (fucking) reason. Perhaps they think they act out of good reason and that I am wrong. These things are serious enough to me that I am defensive and considering not doing something that would serve my wants and needs because of what I deeply oppose and reject, and what I would feel is an assault, much like the person who has an aversion to touch and rejects hugs; they're not rejecting the person hugging, they're rejecting an action they experience as harmful, no matter the intentions. Sometimes people try to force hugs on them anyway. There's no way to stop them, and that's part of my frustration and defensiveness, especially at the very last moments of my life. It's just not about the hugger or their desired connection anymore, the time for that is done, it's about something else now.

Doing a goodbye thread is attractive because in my last moments I would feel appreciated by those who genuinely appreciate me, valued, cared about, supported, and not alone in my final moments, which will be difficult ones. It would serve my courage, and I'm going to need it; I am courageous, I can do it alone, but it would be so much better if I got what I seek to bolster that, and I would lay out what I seek and what I don't want. However, I feel like in posting a thread that I'd have to simultaneoulsy walk through a minefield and get hit by shrapnel to obtain all of the benefits I seek.

I am defensive about people talking about promises of or hopes for an afterlife they believe in or desire to be true. I mindfully rejected such things in real life, and in response to these types of comments, I would be experiencing more defensive rejection of such things when I need to be calm, focused on the chosen action, and accepting of what I'm choosing to do. I may possibly hope for the same things as well, but they would not be the focus and so would be a distraction. The only hopes I have for my suicide are to not be interrupted, to pass as gently and quickly as possible, and for my choice to come to pass and be done with this life. Additional hopes would be the benefits I listed for doing a goodbye thread. I don't know if the benefits are worth walking through the minefield of what I don't want.

I am defensive about people telling me I can wait, or I can change my mind. I already know that. The reactive part of me says, "Duh-uh!" but it's an asshole thing to say that would negate another when they're (probably) not intentionally doing harm (unless they're an overt or covert troll); it would be negating when experiencing negation. Rationally speaking, I'm not arriving at this decision with anything but full awareness, and each time I attempt, I already have this. Telling me I can wait or change my mind would be a huge distraction from moving forward toward accomplishing my unfortunate but rational goal. Some members perhaps aren't making the wisest choice and such distractions may serve them. I, however, am making the wisest choice for myself, and I want that respected and honored. But I can't make anyone do what I want, and I don't yet know how to brush it off if they don't. Hence, I'm defensive. I've been on the forum long enough that people generally know I've already got this figured out, but someone newer, or someone compelled to, may make these suggestions I find distracting and (grrrr! fucking) irritating.

Really, all of these things I'm defensive about are things I don't know how to brush off, to just ignore and move on, or to be magnanimous about and give a hug react for. I just don't have that last one in me, to reward and soothe another for doing something I specifically say to not (fucking) do. The goodbye thread would be about rewarding and comforting me. If someone couldn't do that, I'd want them to not do anything at all. But people generally don't do nothing at all for the good of another.

I am defensive about people trying to talk me out of it, as someone generally does on goodbye threads. I can lay out all my reasons, I can lay out rules for what I accept on the thread, and still someone will potentially say, "I respect what you said, but..." and that "but" indicates they may feel respect but they're not acting on it, instead they act on their own desire for that person and their action. I dislike this term, but I consider it virtue signaling in this kind of situation; but virtual signaling is, to me, a judgmental and negating term and I'm leaning on it because it helps me feel more right and justified, so I own that. However, I haven't even done a goodbye thread, I'm only considering it, and yet I'm already defensive, I already want to say, "If you can't make it about me and what I want, then shut (the fuck) up. I'm also doing this for closure because this is a community, it's not just about me, so say goodbye, and either offer what I want or don't offer it, or kindly stay (the fuck) out of it." And people naturally resist that. They want to be and to feel active. They want to give something, even if it's been strictly prohibited, because they are not capable of giving what is specifically asked for, either because it goes against their personal values, their personal wishes, or their personal convenience (if you doubt this pronouncement, I challenge you to test it within yourself; what other reason is there for overriding someone's specifically stated wishes, as some folks override a will?). I've done this kind of overriding myself so many times in life, had it done to me, and witnessed it being done to others that I feel confident in saying: they feel compelled to interact and to give and feel good, when the greatest gift would be for them to disengage from the person and the event, to make the effort to restrain. People don't recognize how active self-restraint is, thought it goes unrecognized by the other. Part of me wants to say in the rules for the thread, "If you do other than what's in the rules, it's a selfish move." Even more deeply, I want to say, ("It's a dick move"). But of course either statement will be perceived by some as throwing down a gauntlet, and that just breeds resentment and motivates retaliation, whether imagining retaliation or actually doing it. It's negativity that gives rise to negativity. And of course, people hear a call to give something, and when they can't or won't give that, they give something else to feel they are not ineffective and to show they care. I just don't (freaking) want what they give (!). (Aaaargh!!!!!) So I'm experiencing a triple-bind: I have to be careful about how I state my boundary so as not to invite attack; stating it naturally invites attack; and if I don't state it, I'm going to receive what I don't (fucking) want and I (argh!) don't know how to let ping off me and ignore.

Finally, I'm defensive about posting a goodbye thread because, for some, it's entertainment. It's a public forum, and I'm certain there are people who watch the forum like it's a non-graphic, real-time soap opera version of bestgore, and they feed off of the drama and emotions of the moment. There are also members who are here for no other reason than to vampire off others' emotions and needs and traumas, so even if the forum were private, it's still sick entertainment for some, and I'm resistant to feeding that. I would have to make a concession to get my wants and needs met while knowing that my pain, my bravery in moving forward out of unconquerable toxicity, and others' responses are, to some, like nectar. If it were true nectar, they would be satisfied and enriched and (full-)filled, not keep coming back to feed off of and shit out genuine human connection and compassion that arise in repsonse to genuine human need. Their actions are fueled by greed, hatred and delusion, which are never satisfied. And I'm not going to feed them with any more parentheses then the little one they got.

So yeah, I'm a little defensive.



Summary

Reasons for wanting to do a goodbye thread (benefits):

1. Feel appreciated by those who genuinely appreciate me
2. Feel valued
3. Feel cared about
4. Feel supported, comforted, and not alone in my difficult final moments
5. Courage from feeling supported and not alone as I act on my choice
6. Closure for the community as well as for myself, giving people a chance to say goodbye


What I'm offended and/or defensive about that caution me against doing a goodbye thread since I cannot control them (shrapnel):

1. Comments about a promised or hoped-for afterlife
2. Comments that I can wait or change my mind
3. Comments trying to talk me out of acting on my choice
4. My goodbye thread and suicide being entertainment

Dear @GoodPersonEffed I already appreciate you, and yes genuinely. It's the first thing that struck me when I read that statement. I'm sure so many others would also agree. Ignore the haters, you have some I know. But that's life.

 

[Living sucks]

You could do it like @Saed on your profile and then only your followers will know it's happening and less traffic but more of who you want?

 

[profoundexperience]

So true! I bust out popcorn, and I try to become aware when I'm feeding and taking. I've done a lot of self work on such patterns, they really don't feel good or satisfying when I'm in them. I have some regrets about some I had, hurt I caused.

Same. And that shows your sensitivity and capacity, @GoodPersonEffed, to maybe forgive those others who are ignorant and "don't know" and thereby make mistakes.

That is the "double-edged sword" of regret, isn't it...? If you didn't have personal experience of the hurt that you caused, how would you possibly know how bad/harmful whatever happened was? Your feelings of "defensiveness"... isn't that just your personal "radar" letting you know that someone else is doing something you already know to be unacceptable/harmful? And, they may just be doing it because they haven't learned better....

All learning/sophistication/sensitivity to others seems to require experiencing pain. Yet, it's such a shame that all our suffering has to happen at all, imho....

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I really appreciated your response.

The other thing I can think of is this. I don't know if you've ever made any previous attempts which have either failed, or you've backed out of, but that in itself leaves a mark on a person. Speaking from my experience, it can leave you feeling worse than before you went in to it. Like you're a failure who can't even get that right, or something like that. So I guess people are just trying to be supportive by saying there's no shame in it.

I have attempted. Only one attempt left a mark as you say, but not for feeling like a failure. I've seen that other people feel that way and I have understanding and compassion for it.

I get what you're saying here. I really do. I do think it's a natural thing though, that even though most of us here are broken souls, we want better for others than we do for ourselves. I think that's the main reason that people would post most of the things you said.

I agree that much is done with only good intentions and a desire for others' good. Sometimes, though, what one wants for another can turn into negation of what the other wants and needs for themselves. It's complex to be aware of another and aware of one's self such as motivations and desires.

I think many of us are here because of not being heard, acknowledged, and our autonomy and separate self being respected. My emotional part of the post and my defensiveness are about that. What I am saying is, "I'm an adult, I've got this, so show you respect that and kindly -- please -- back off. I'm fucking strong but I have weaknesses, and I'm showing you what they are so that you do not hurt me and I do not hurt you." And I know that no matter how much I say it, people are going to filter it through their own stuff so that they can feel okay about my situation and do what they are so certain would not harm, though I said don't, like giving a hug to someone with touch aversion or a sunburn under the shield of their clothes. They will be experiencing my goodbye and my suicide, too, but because of the filters, not able to recognize and fully take into account what is personal and off bounds. I've got compassion for that, and I work on being flexible, but my goodbye thread is the one time I don't want to. I conscientiously try to be a good person, but I'm not a saint or heading for a world-saving crucifixion. I just want my last will, so to speak, to be respected. It won't be. Not by everyone. It will be about them, their experience of my experience. It's a price I may have to pay, and I'll have to deal with it, but I also have no problem saying I don't like it. I'll probably be still be saying I don't like it on my last damn thread.

Last thing. The last point you made about people feeding off of it. You're probably right. But what a horrendous thought. I hope there aren't many lurking around like that because that really is low

Such people are here. They're the reason for my signature that I've had for most of my time on the forum. There are scammers, catfishers, sexual and other predators, murderers seeking voluntary victims and, of course, trolls. There have been threads about such things. I always encourage awareness and self-protection, and listening to one's gut and never overriding when one senses a red flag in another's behavior -- predators greenlight to see what red flags they can convince someone to override. Enough of us have been victims, no one needs that compounded.

_______________________________________________________

And that shows your sensitivity and capacity, @GoodPersonEffed, to maybe forgive those others who are ignorant and "don't know" and thereby make mistakes.

Your feelings of "defensiveness"... isn't that just your personal "radar" letting you know that someone else is doing something you already know to be unacceptable/harmful? And, they may just be doing it because they haven't learned better....

All very true. But it takes inner resources to be aware and compassionate and forgiving. It is a gift to do so, and one should never give unless it's their choice. It's not my choice on that day. I don't want to be a saint or Christ-like savior on the day I end my life, and that's how it feels in that particular context, that on the day when I require all of my resources for ME, and in fact need them filled up by others where they are lacking, it is the one (fucking) day I choose not give.

Defensiveness also means resources are threatened.

I'm glad you commented, it helped me to clarify for myself that I am not wrong for what I'm seeking/demanding, nor for what I'm feeling. I'm on the right track.

I'm reminded of a quote I found in some notes I'd taken:

"If we negate ourselves for a 'higher good,' it's really for someone else's good -- and that creates disharmony, both within ourselves and within the world."

Also, I learned from the book Boundaries and from Stoicism that changing one's "No" doesn't make things better -- not for me, not for the person who wants me to change it for their wishes or convenience. If I give in, they'll keep practicing attempts at other-control rather than self-control (no matter how seemingly altruistic such actions). I can't choose another's conduct or morals, I can't make them change anything about themselves (and nor should I, ever), but I'm not going to reinforce unacceptable behavior, either. It's unacceptable to me for good reason. It doesn't mean I hate or condemn them, but I'm trying to put up a boundary against what harms me, takes from my resources, or redirects my focus, attention, and intentions.

 

[HadEnough1974]

When I think about doing a goodbye thread, I start to feel defensive about it. So I want to talk about it and get these feelings out. Maybe gain some helpful perspective from others for having done so.

I'm rational about this consideration as well as feeling strong emotions. I am defensive, which means I'm already offended, and I'm primed for an attack and a fight. I'm trying to honor what I feel but also not attack or harm, so with two exceptions at the end, parentheses are me giving my emotions some space to take part in this discussion without taking charge.

If someone sees something of themselves in the following and takes offense and wants to defend in return, perhaps they will note that I am rejecting things that deeply trouble me for good (fucking) reason. Perhaps they think they act out of good reason and that I am wrong. These things are serious enough to me that I am defensive and considering not doing something that would serve my wants and needs because of what I deeply oppose and reject, and what I would feel is an assault, much like the person who has an aversion to touch and rejects hugs; they're not rejecting the person hugging, they're rejecting an action they experience as harmful, no matter the intentions. Sometimes people try to force hugs on them anyway. There's no way to stop them, and that's part of my frustration and defensiveness, especially at the very last moments of my life. It's just not about the hugger or their desired connection anymore, the time for that is done, it's about something else now.

Doing a goodbye thread is attractive because in my last moments I would feel appreciated by those who genuinely appreciate me, valued, cared about, supported, and not alone in my final moments, which will be difficult ones. It would serve my courage, and I'm going to need it; I am courageous, I can do it alone, but it would be so much better if I got what I seek to bolster that, and I would lay out what I seek and what I don't want. However, I feel like in posting a thread that I'd have to simultaneoulsy walk through a minefield and get hit by shrapnel to obtain all of the benefits I seek.

I am defensive about people talking about promises of or hopes for an afterlife they believe in or desire to be true. I mindfully rejected such things in real life, and in response to these types of comments, I would be experiencing more defensive rejection of such things when I need to be calm, focused on the chosen action, and accepting of what I'm choosing to do. I may possibly hope for the same things as well, but they would not be the focus and so would be a distraction. The only hopes I have for my suicide are to not be interrupted, to pass as gently and quickly as possible, and for my choice to come to pass and be done with this life. Additional hopes would be the benefits I listed for doing a goodbye thread. I don't know if the benefits are worth walking through the minefield of what I don't want.

I am defensive about people telling me I can wait, or I can change my mind. I already know that. The reactive part of me says, "Duh-uh!" but it's an asshole thing to say that would negate another when they're (probably) not intentionally doing harm (unless they're an overt or covert troll); it would be negating when experiencing negation. Rationally speaking, I'm not arriving at this decision with anything but full awareness, and each time I attempt, I already have this. Telling me I can wait or change my mind would be a huge distraction from moving forward toward accomplishing my unfortunate but rational goal. Some members perhaps aren't making the wisest choice and such distractions may serve them. I, however, am making the wisest choice for myself, and I want that respected and honored. But I can't make anyone do what I want, and I don't yet know how to brush it off if they don't. Hence, I'm defensive. I've been on the forum long enough that people generally know I've already got this figured out, but someone newer, or someone compelled to, may make these suggestions I find distracting and (grrrr! fucking) irritating.

Really, all of these things I'm defensive about are things I don't know how to brush off, to just ignore and move on, or to be magnanimous about and give a hug react for. I just don't have that last one in me, to reward and soothe another for doing something I specifically say to not (fucking) do. The goodbye thread would be about rewarding and comforting me. If someone couldn't do that, I'd want them to not do anything at all. But people generally don't do nothing at all for the good of another.

I am defensive about people trying to talk me out of it, as someone generally does on goodbye threads. I can lay out all my reasons, I can lay out rules for what I accept on the thread, and still someone will potentially say, "I respect what you said, but..." and that "but" indicates they may feel respect but they're not acting on it, instead they act on their own desire for that person and their action. I dislike this term, but I consider it virtue signaling in this kind of situation; but virtue signaling is, to me, a judgmental and negating term and I'm leaning on it because it helps me feel more right and justified, so I own that. However, I haven't even done a goodbye thread, I'm only considering it, and yet I'm already defensive, I already want to say, "If you can't make it about me and what I want, then shut (the fuck) up. I'm also doing this for closure because this is a community, it's not just about me, so say goodbye, and either offer what I want or don't offer it, or kindly stay (the fuck) out of it." And people naturally resist that. They want to be and to feel active. They want to give something, even if it's been strictly prohibited, because they are not capable of giving what is specifically asked for, either because it goes against their personal values, their personal wishes, or their personal convenience (if you doubt this pronouncement, I challenge you to test it within yourself; what other reason is there for overriding someone's specifically stated wishes, as some folks override a will?). I've done this kind of overriding myself so many times in life, had it done to me, and witnessed it being done to others that I feel confident in saying: they feel compelled to interact and to give and feel good, when the greatest gift would be for them to disengage from the person and the event, to make the effort to restrain. People don't recognize how active self-restraint is, thought it goes unrecognized by the other. Part of me wants to say in the rules for the thread, "If you do other than what's in the rules, it's a selfish move." More emotionally, and irrationally, I want to say, ("It's a dick move"). But of course either statement will be perceived by some as throwing down a gauntlet, and that just breeds resentment and motivates retaliation, whether imagining retaliation or actually doing it. It's negativity that gives rise to negativity. And of course, people hear a call to give something, and when they can't or won't give that, they give something else to feel they are not ineffective and to show they care. I just don't (freaking) want what they give (!). (Aaaargh!!!!!) So I'm experiencing a triple-bind: I have to be careful about how I state my boundary so as not to invite attack; stating it naturally invites it negation and attack; and if I don't state it, I'm going to receive what I don't (fucking) want and I (argh!) don't know how to let ping off me and ignore.

Finally, I'm defensive about posting a goodbye thread because, for some, it's entertainment. It's a public forum, and I'm certain there are people who watch the forum like it's a non-graphic, real-time soap opera version of bestgore, and they feed off of the drama and emotions of the moment. There are also members who are here for no other reason than to vampire off others' emotions and needs and traumas, so even if the forum were private, it's still sick entertainment for some, and I'm resistant to feeding that. I would have to make a concession to get my wants and needs met while knowing that my pain, my bravery in moving forward out of unconquerable toxicity, and others' responses are, to some, like nectar. If it were true nectar, they would be satisfied and enriched and (full-)filled, not keep coming back to feed off of and shit out genuine human connection and compassion that arise in repsonse to genuine human need. Their actions are fueled by greed, hatred and delusion, which are never satisfied. And I'm not going to feed them with any more parentheses then the little one they got.

So yeah, I'm a little defensive.



Summary

Reasons for wanting to do a goodbye thread (benefits):

1. Feel appreciated by those who genuinely appreciate me
2. Feel valued
3. Feel cared about
4. Feel supported, comforted, and not alone in my difficult final moments
5. Courage from feeling supported and not alone as I act on my choice
6. Closure for the community as well as for myself, giving people a chance to say goodbye


What I'm offended and/or defensive about that caution me against doing a goodbye thread since I cannot control them (shrapnel):

1. Comments about a promised or hoped-for afterlife
2. Comments that I can wait or change my mind
3. Comments trying to talk me out of acting on my choice
4. My goodbye thread and suicide being entertainment

Also, I think the closure is important for the community and a chance for you to say goodbye and for others to do the same.

I don't know about your personal achievements in life. One of them is the positive impact you've had here.

The universe is billions of years old. If anyone is recording history, there was a forum called sanctioned suicide and for a brief blink in time, there was a person called @GoodPersonEffed who was very empathetic and thoughtful, funny and forced us to think and reflect on who we are and how we relate to others.

I hope that would be an acceptable tribute on your goodbye thread if you were to chose to have one.

 

[rhiino]

Dear @GoodPersonEffed, I really felt the emotions in your post and I feel very similar when it comes to Goodbye threads.
The things you do not want and call shrapnel are also the things I am afraid of when thinking about my possible Goodbye thread. I often read those things in these threads and I can understand your problem, as it is not guaranteed that nobody will come up with one of those topics.

However, I bet there will be more of the good stuff you are looking for, when stating what you don't want to see.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Also, I think the closure is important for the community and a chance for you to say goodbye and for others to do the same.

I don't know about your personal achievements in life. One of them is the positive impact you've had here.

The universe is billions of years old. If anyone is recording history, there was a forum called sanctioned suicide and for a brief blink in time, there was a person called @GoodPersonEffed who was very empathetic and thoughtful, funny and forced us to think and reflect on who we are and how we relate to others.

I hope that would be an acceptable tribute on your goodbye thread if you were to chose to have one.

Yes. That is something that filled me where I needed to be replenished and/or receive external reflection.

Two small words contain more than I can express: Thank you.


I agree the closure is important. It is one of the instances where I consider others as well as myself, because of the experience if reciprocity here. It's not just about getting my needs and desires met, but considering that I've had connections with others and knowing it's difficult when that connection is suddenly severed and one is left with void.

 

[Brackenshire]

@GoodPersonEffed
I honor your request and your decision.

 

[HadEnough1974]

Yes. That is something that filled me where I needed to be replenished and/or receive external reflection.

Two small words contain more than I can express: Thank you.


I agree the closure is important. It is one of the instances where I consider others as well as myself, because of the experience if reciprocity here. It's not just about getting my needs and desires met, but considering that I've had connections with others and knowing it's difficult when that connection is suddenly severed and one is left with void.

I remember your post about your failed attempt and i did not know how close you were to wanting to ctb at the time. I remember thinking to myself (and feeling) , "shit, if she were successful, we would never know, then I realized that WE would never know."

So yes a void would be created, so please take that into consideration on deciding if you will have a goodbye thread. It would be like ghosting someone (pun intended).

Also, if you fear being alone during those moments, you might set a date and time and let us know so we can arrange our schedule in advance to be online for you in real-time.

I respect whatever choice you make.

My most memorable moments with you were when we were responding to the "10 posts you haven't seen yet" or something along those lines.

It might be selfish of me to ask but please continue to be funny, even during your final moments.

Have you ever thought of writing a book? Perhaps anonymously, about your experience on ss before your passing? If anyone could pull that off it would be you. Stay strong.

Respect.

 

[profoundexperience]

I don't want to be a saint or Christ-like savior on the day I end my life, and that's how it feels in that particular context, that on the day when I require all of my resources for ME, and in fact need them filled up by others where they are lacking, it is the one (fucking) day I choose not give.

Yes, you're absolutely right.

And I'm sorry... had I been a better person & considered the context more carefully, I wouldn't have implied that you should: On our last day and performing our last acts ---- all of us are probably be best served with maximal "self compassion"/self-concern.

Also, defensiveness is 100% a genuine/valid/reasonable reaction... I wasn't trying to say anyone shouldn't feel/negate it. I was (albeit poorly on my part) getting more at dismissing stupid/unthinking people and not giving them credence (during one's final hours).

Truly enjoyed & learned from what you wrote. I can see I kinda bumbled my replies, though...

 

[Lorntroubles]

Here's my take on this:


You have to take things at face value.

Yes, we all dream of that perfect ctb moment but as you've said, we can't control what people will post and best we can do is STRONGLY suggest.

It's fucking annoying but perhaps people don't mean it THAT way or how YOU interpret it as. There's definitely those that intend well, those who suck, and in between.

Many times, you have called out bullshit and wanted nothing more than people to have their own personal autonomy. In a way, you stick up for others. I'm pretty sure if there's any funny business on your goodbye thread that people who are fond of you will call that shit out and do you the same favor.

To skip out on a goodbye thread is to skip out on the love and appreciation to come as well. Feelings are real and so is appreciation of users here. Don't let hesitation and defensiveness stop you from seeing others post their intimate thoughts about you and their well wishes.

 

[FadingAway]

You contribute a lot to this place, will be sad to see you go. Have you settled on your method? I ask because the SN goodbye threads seem to garner different types of curiosity/offer entertainment "value" as you mentioned

 

[LookingOverTheEdge]

I agree that much is done with only good intentions and a desire for others' good. Sometimes, though, what one wants for another can turn into negation of what the other wants and needs for themselves. It's complex to be aware of another and aware of one's self such as motivations and desires.

I think many of us are here because of not being heard, acknowledged, and our autonomy and separate self being respected. My emotional part of the post and my defensiveness are about that. What I am saying is, "I'm an adult, I've got this, so show you respect that and kindly -- please -- back off. I'm fucking strong but I have weaknesses, and I'm showing you what they are so that you do not hurt me and I do not hurt you." And I know that no matter how much I say it, people are going to filter it through their own stuff so that they can feel okay about my situation and do what they are so certain would not harm, though I said don't, like giving a hug to someone with touch aversion or a sunburn under the shield of their clothes. They will be experiencing my goodbye and my suicide, too, but because of the filters, not able to recognize and fully take into account what is personal and off bounds. I've got compassion for that, and I work on being flexible, but my goodbye thread is the one time I don't want to. I conscientiously try to be a good person, but I'm not a saint or heading for a world-saving crucifixion. I just want my last will, so to speak, to be respected. It won't be. Not by everyone. It will be about them, their experience of my experience. It's a price I may have to pay, and I'll have to deal with it, but I also have no problem saying I don't like it. I'll probably be still be saying I don't like it on my last damn thread

I completely agree with you. I truly do. Just to clarify I wasn't arguing against your point, in fact I basically feel the same way. I just understand the reason people do it. hell I have the urge to say such things to other people even when I don't want to hear it myself. Just one of life's great hypocrisies I guess.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Personally I plan to make a goodbye thread as I am about to make the final move to ctb and not open any replies. For me the goodbye thread is just punctuation at the end of my life; it's about giving clarity and a little closure rather than really providing much new information or opening up further discussion. Whether or not people try to talk me out of suicide or attack me is irrelevant to me because my thread is a statement, not a conversation. If others want to discuss me in it when I am gone they are more than welcome to, but for me it is exactly what it is - a last goodbye.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@profoundexperience no worries, and thank you for clarifying. I really appreciated the chance to work through more of what was troubling me and to get clarity for myself.

I'm pretty sure if there's any funny business on your goodbye thread that people who are fond of you will call that shit out and do you the same favor.

I would love that!

I had a friend I was patiently teaching about boundaries while constantly maintaining them with him. He was also in a position where he needed to step up and protect others but wasn't sure how to go about it. Boundaries were a new concept to him, he resisted a lot but was open to listening, took him a while to catch on. One day someone asked me if he could tell me something and I said no. He started to tell me anyway, and I interrupted him, "I said NO!" My friend jumped in and used my ofted-repeated phrase: "It was a clearly-stated boundary! She said she doesn't want to hear it!" I was so flattered and so proud.

To skip out on a goodbye thread is to skip out on the love and appreciation to come as well. Feelings are real and so is appreciation of users here. Don't let hesitation and defensiveness stop you from seeing others post their intimate thoughts about you and their well wishes.

I will definitely take that into consideration. I wasn't expecting it but I've gotten plenty of that on this thread and have so appreciated it. Pro-lifers/anti-choicers see encouragement to suicide, they miss the support and love, like having loved ones at the bedside when someone passes from a terminal illness, or getting to hear what would be said at one's funeral, which is more valuable when you're alive.

Also, if you fear being alone during those moments, you might set a date and time and let us know so we can arrange our schedule in advance to be online for you in real-time.

That was unexpected and so thoughtful. Thank you.

Have you settled on your method? I ask because the SN goodbye threads seem to garner different types of curiosity/offer entertainment "value" as you mentioned

That's exactly why I would need support. SN is not a peaceful method, I already know some symptoms I'm going to experience. I didn't need support when I attempted peaceful methods.

Yes, those threads draw more voyeurs. Fortunately, most are respectful on those threads. The rare times now that someone acts inappropriately, other members are quick to step in.

I'm glad you asked, though, because I need to think this through and hadn't considered it. There's a lot of attention on the method itself rather than on the person. People who know and care about me will show that it's primarily about me, but still, SN is a big deal here, and understandably so.

I've read a lot of old threads and the forum has definitely evolved. There used to be a lot of disrespect, unawareness and derailing on SN threads. Then it was posting Stan's guide on every goodbye thread, which I felt like made everyone's personal ctb a footnote to his, and inappropriately glorified the method; that's when the forum used to feel to me like a cult and was, imo, rightly criticized by SS detractors as such. Now there's so much interest in the symptoms and whether the method is peaceful, people forget it's a real person, or the person is smaller in one's perception than the method. I get it, I've done it too, especially if it's someone I don't really interact with or who didn't post much on the forum.

I think I'll stay away from posting my regimen, I already know it well, I don't need someone to check it for me. Then I can make sure the thread isn't about contributing to the method for everyone's good, which automatically makes my suicide about everyone else, but keep the focus on me and my needs, and on me as a fellow member of the forum, not a science experiment. It's not my intention, but maybe that will be a lasting contribution to the forum, to humanize, elevate, and respect the person who suicides with SN, rather than hyperfocusing on and inadvertently elevating SN.

Thank you for your kind words as well as for prompting me to think about what else I would and would not want based on the method.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

@GoodPersonEffed, thank you so much for this passionate and well-thought our post. This caused me to look at some of my own behaviors since becoming involved in posting just in the past week.

I know I have been guilty of expressing my own sadness in people's goodbye posts, and of reassuring them that this need not be the path, or that it's okay if they back out. I realize that these well-meaning sentiments can be harmful to an individual in the midst of what could be a difficult process.

I would like to think that many of us pick up on cues in the messages that people leave — whether it's their language, or frequency of posts — there's something we observe that triggers our response. My guess is (and of course I can't be sure, but I would assume) that had I not read this thread, but read a goodbye message from you, I would get a sense of your resolve. Likewise, if someone was expressing trepidation and uncertainty, I think I might be able to pick up on that too.

I wonder how we can strike a balance. In an effort to be a supportive community, but depending only on written communication, how can we best understand each other and be there for one another? I don't think it's an easy answer. No one of us has the insight into another's soul. It's all guesswork mostly.

For me, I think I need to work off the ideal that everyone is at least coming from a place of support. If I think they misunderstand me, I can correct them, non-judgmentally. So far I'm yet to come across a post on this site that has made me feel worse about myself my situation. I think that's pretty great.

Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I will certainly keep them in mind when responding to similar posts in the future. I, myself, expect to make a goodbye post in the not-too-distant future, for many of the same reasons you advocate. This may very well shape the way I structure that post.

 

[HadEnough1974]

@GoodPersonEffed Please let us know how this thread has helped you in your decision process and are you surprised at the amount of people who already sincerely value and appreciate you?

 

[TAW122]

Also, I think the closure is important for the community and a chance for you to say goodbye and for others to do the same.

I don't know about your personal achievements in life. One of them is the positive impact you've had here.

The universe is billions of years old. If anyone is recording history, there was a forum called sanctioned suicide and for a brief blink in time, there was a person called @GoodPersonEffed who was very empathetic and thoughtful, funny and forced us to think and reflect on who we are and how we relate to others.

I hope that would be an acceptable tribute on your goodbye thread if you were to chose to have one.

I agree with you about closure. Another thing I want to add to that is that sometimes, whenever one is ready to go, albeit uncommon, if the SS forum is down (whether due to maintenance, errors, outages, or whatever reason may be), then perhaps one could find a way to get their last goodbyes maybe on a different platform? I know it's uncommon, but it's a real thing that I've pondered because there has been times where SS was down due to maintenance, upgrade, and/or other reasons and while I am not going to CTB yet, I would only hope the forum is available and operational when my time arrives.

Also, I do have notes, manifestos, and even backups of the threads I made just to preserve such quality content.

 

[HadEnough1974]

I agree with you about closure. Another thing I want to add to that is that sometimes, whenever one is ready to go, albeit uncommon, if the SS forum is down (whether due to maintenance, errors, outages, or whatever reason may be), then perhaps one could find a way to get their last goodbyes maybe on a different platform? I know it's uncommon, but it's a real thing that I've pondered because there has been times where SS was down due to maintenance, upgrade, and/or other reasons and while I am not going to CTB yet, I would only hope the forum is available and operational when my time arrives.

Also, I do have notes, manifestos, and even backups of the threads I made just to preserve such quality content.

Yeah that would really suck if someone has a specific date and time and the site goes down.

I would personally postpone my ctb if that were to happen. Although I don't think I'll have a goodbye thread.

When it's time for me to go, I'll know and I'd rather not have the distraction of the forum and updating people. It basically goes:

1 - I drank the Sn, it was salty...
2 - I'm laying down, I feel fine...
3 - oh, I'm starting to feel dizzy...
4 - and then we don't hear from them anymore.

However, that's the Most Important part. What happens when the person can't type anymore.

However, I do think a professional recording to document the effects of the method would be useful, but controversial.

I don't want to deviate from the OP thread though.

 

[FriendofDeath]

I remember your post about your failed attempt and i did not know how close you were to wanting to ctb at the time. I remember thinking to myself (and feeling) , "shit, if she were successful, we would never know, then I realized that WE would never know."

So yes a void would be created, so please take that into consideration on deciding if you will have a goodbye thread. It would be like ghosting someone (pun intended).

Also, if you fear being alone during those moments, you might set a date and time and let us know so we can arrange our schedule in advance to be online for you in real-time.

I respect whatever choice you make.

My most memorable moments with you were when we were responding to the "10 posts you haven't seen yet" or something along those lines.

It might be selfish of me to ask but please continue to be funny, even during your final moments.

Have you ever thought of writing a book? Perhaps anonymously, about your experience on ss before your passing? If anyone could pull that off it would be you. Stay strong.

Respect.

I was thinking the same thing about a book. Your comments are always well written and are very thoughtful. You've had a lot to say and contribute.