Quoting sections of
@Underscore's eloquently resonant post, and adding bold type to some, that are particularly relevant to what I'm going to say here:
You really can't just trust the powers that be just because they say you can. There's good and bad as in all areas of life. Here, that is even more acute. I've seen compassion and nobility that has made me cry and I've encountered stuff that has chilled me to the bone too.
This place is the last place where lost souls who have been deserted can find refuge.
If I didn't feel abandoned then I wouldn't be here.
However, I certainly don't see this place as a some faultless beacon of light and free speech. There is a danger here and it's one I can't ignore. I've posted before how I may have nearly been taken advantage of (I'm still not 100% convinced even now), and I don't regard myself as either stupid or gullible (but then, who does?).
But I AM vulnerable. There are many vulnerable people on here. Doesn't mean they are not clever and brilliant people. But its so easy to trust and its also easy to be manipulated, especially when you want someone to listen.
And it's not always obvious. Sometimes the wolves do not hide in the shadows, but operate in plain sight. The person that I trusted and grew close to was a prolific poster, well respected and trusted, with lots of followers. Sounds like paranoia? Maybe. Tough. It's never wrong to be cautious.
But if this place were to go... I'd probably go into free fall. I'd panic. It would be like being taken of a needed drug without tapering. bang, straight into withdrawl. All the friends i've made, gone, and now on their own without support. I'd fear for myself and I'd fear for them. I might go to some other forum, but none seem to exist where you can speak your mind.
For many, abandoned by the system they trusted for so long, this is the only place to find refuge. It's far from perfect, and I'm not entirely happy with certain aspects of it myself, but if someone was to purposefully orchestrate it's fall, I'd ask this - considering we have no alternative means of emotional support, what else would you expect us to do?
I was once part of a survivor-type peer forum that had been around for over twenty years and had a stellar reputation. I at last was in a community of people who understood, accepted, and supported. It was a literal lifeline for so many. I experienced healing and acceptance there, and so much respectful and compassionate reciprocity.
A fantastic mod retired, new board members came on to the non-profit, and within weeks, I and a minimum of 30 members were permanently banned for acting in ways that had always been accepted, that in fact were inherent to the reason the organization existed.
I experienced things similar to Underscore's paragraph about the freefall and withdrawal. A loss of community is one of the greatest traumas a social animal can experience, because belonging is necessary to survival. As an extreme example, cults maintain their dominance with the threat of shunning and separation from those who remain, lest they be shunned as well.
So I acknowledge the value of the OP bringing this up, not just as a self-humanizing and non-violent plea to detractors, much as MLK did, but to those within the group who have a propensity to use a negating label of paranoia when members are afraid or suspicious. Underscore eloquently addressed this. I repeat his words:
Sounds like paranoia? Maybe. Tough. It's never wrong to be cautious. I myself have learned from hard experience to never back down because someone accuses me of paranoia, because such is the tactic of the wolves in sheep's clothing, which the trusting and vulnerable then take on as an empowering and protective truth. I have been one who has realized too late that the suspicious one is to embraced, not vilified, and I have never again made that mistake. Even if they are incorrect in that instance, they are accustomed to the smell of fertilizer promising lush gardens but leading to fields of bullshit, toxic chemicals, and bombs, and it is wise to learn from their experience, not to shut them out to the group's or individual members' detriment and demise.
In the post about SS no longer supporting Samaritans, I questioned Marquis as a leader, because I firmly believe that a valid leader can stand up to questioning. I was met with a bit of backlash (not by him). I ignored it and stood firm. Marquis responded to me directly, which I appreciated. But I repeat two of Underscore's statements: 1. You really can't just trust the powers that be just because they say you can. 2. Sounds like paranoia? Maybe. Tough. It's never wrong to be cautious. (
@Underscore, I recognize I am taking your words out of their intended context, I am not trying to triangulate you into supporting any position of mine. I am using them because of their resonant universality. I would quote the shit out of them in a variety of situations.)
My point in the above paragraph is not to shit on Marquis or on SS leadership. My point is that pro-choice is political. Pro-life is political. The body is political. Rights are political. SS is inherently political. Because of my past experiences, I fully trust no leader or organization. Within any group I join, I engage deeply, and with sincerity and honesty, yet am simultaneously always on the periphery and always on the lookout.
Wherever there is need or want or a boundary, there is vulnerability to exploitation and assault. P.T. Barnum said there's a sucker born every minute; what a bunch of victim-blaming bullshit. There is a human born every minute, and a manipulator born every hour.
I acknowledge that this forum has greatly benefitted me. Without it, I would have already attempted ctb and almost certainly failed. I was stressed out trying to find methods, and not only found guidance here, but some of that necessary human connection. Regardless of motives, thank you to SS for providing this space, and thank you to fellow members who are both vulnerable and practice reciprocity, you have blessed me.
I want to close addressing the concern of what would happen if SS were to be shut down. I have no personal experience with other suicide forums, but I quote here what
@Hasssssuùuu compassionately said on a recent denied unban request:
i understand how much this place means to people such as yourself. i'd highly suggest looking into neighbouring forums that align with SS itself, such as suicideforum; a place you can talk and vent...whenever things do get tough, as it's helped alot of prior members including myself at times.
In case they are needed, it would be helpful to know what those other forums are.
Much respect and peace to all, even the SS detractors. Like MLK, I would deny the paradise of liberty and self-determination to no one, and so I respectfully ask they stop attempting to deny it to us.
