helplesship
helpfriendshipdrainfiasco
- May 13, 2025
- 51
i don't wanna ramble on, i just wanna share a bit 'cause it really is just a little, even though i've been thinking about it every single day. i keep gaslighting myself to be a "realistic" person dealing with the social scene in this world, one part of that is accepting the whole "people come and go" thing—and yeah, it really happens. the problem is i've become irrationally paranoid, maybe got BPD too, whatever this and that… it only makes everything worse. on the outside i might look chill but in my head it's total chaos. every time i meet someone new (which is rare) i can't shake the thought that they're judging me for being "too try-hard" and that they'll bounce soon, whether it's them or anyone else. fucked-up attachment issues, i hate it. why can't i just be as realistic as everyone else? am i just not real, haha. fuck, feels like i don't even exist. not anyone's favorite, or whatever. i've got money, i've got this and that, but when i'm lonely it feels so weird. i don't know what to do—physically i could, but mentally i can't, i need someone to invite me or tell me… it's honestly so dumb. i'm crazy, i'm really crazy… totally selfish. but tell me, do you think CTB on the night after your birthday is cool or not?
