Hello all
Seeking some advice please on what I need to do in order to ensure I don't cock up my exit - scheduled for the end of August this year. A bit of background and explanation as to why I am in the position I now find myself.
I am a lady currently residing in Europe. I have MS which for those who don't know, is a debilitating and degenerative neurological condition that steals your life and leaves you a walking (or in my case sitting! Lol) living corpse. However, this wasn't always the case. It became so when I received the damn covid vaccine. To explain …
Around 3 1/2 years ago, I received the Covid vaccine at 11am and by 11pm l was paralysed from the waist down. Because I live on my own, there was no way to call for help when I ended up on the floor. As such I found myself stuck there for three and a half days , no food, no water no nothing until my cleaner found me. Despite spending four weeks in hospital and six in rehab, nothing helped. After all was said and done, I was the same at the end of my treatment as I had been the day I received the vaccine. Even worst, I found myself permanently confined to a wheelchair having lost the use of my legs. This was the beginning of the end.
Because I was no longer able to manage on my own, I had to engage a private carer at a cost of £350 a week and have had to do so ever since - that was a little over three years ago. At the end of the day, I am left having to pay out over £12000 a year for care, all because of that damn vaccine. This has been achieved through a combination of savings and government assistance. After nearly fours years of this crap, my savings have all but run dry. I reckon I have a couple of months left before they are completely kaput, at which point I will be screwed. The good news is that once you're dead you don't have to worry about such things LOL.
Through a combination of losing my health and independence, I have to all intents and purposes lost my life. I experience horrendous nerve pain and keep the pain killer racket in business
. I can no longer walk or go out and socialise. Much of this in part is not only because I am unable to get around and as a result participate in every day activities, but also because I am thoroughly embarrassed at what I have become, not who but what. Namely a mere shadow of who I once was. I feel this way not only because I have been diminished as a human being but also because I have no way of actually *living* life and doing the things that people normally do. I can no longer (and will never again) do the things that most people take for granted. I will never again go away on holiday, or out to eat, or to the movies, or for a swim in the ocean or lie on the beach or build sandcastles, or travel on a plane, or be in a relationship, or make love…and so the list the list goes on. Basically I exist from day to day with each one being identical to the previous and the next with feck all to look forward to except dying. I did consider booking a place with at Dignitas (the suicide clinic), but I refuse to pay £10,000 for the pleasure. Besides, that money has to be used to pay for care
I used to take enormous pride in my appearance, I used to love doing the girly stuff like shopping, putting on make up, going out to eat or to the pub or going dancing or going to flea markets or flirting lol, all those things that most people do every day without a second thought. Now when people look at me they don't see the sexy fun stylish dynamic woman I used to be but instead they see a disabled lady in a scooter who is second class citizen, someone who is two feet below them thanks to the low height of my scooter seat. Be it strangers who see me on my scooter or carers who help me with my personal care, whichever it may be, I am not seen as a normal person or as an equal or as a fully functioning human being but rather (in the case of my carers) simply a body that needs to be attended to.
My main focus in life has now been reduced to managing the long-term physical damage left by the vaccine including dealing with the constant pain and just getting through each day. day. I have absolutely nothing left to live for or look forward to. I was watching the Coronation concert on television, watching all the people laughing, having fun living it up, having a great time and once again I was reminded how I am on the outside looking in. It all brought home that I am no longer able to participate in life, but rather can only stand by and watch. Basically, I exist in the periphery, in the here and now, making ends meet while constantly worrying about paying for next month's diabolical care costs. So leaving this life will be a huge relief and not a loss. I have no choice, I must do this. But I must not fuck it up either. I do not want to end up in an insane asylum or being sectioned because of a failed suicide attempt so I cannot screw this up. Hence my coming on here and seeking guidance and advice.
I should mention that I have no family or friends and live an isolated life so I do not have to worry about leaving anybody behind because there is nobody. The friends I do have are limited to those I have met online. Other than that, I have two or three friends who I see a few times a year. They are not close. So basically I am on my own and leave behind nobody. As such my demise will not be felt. The only people who will actually feel or notice my absence will be my carers and that will be based solely on a financial loss as they will no longer be getting my £12,500 a month! As pathetic as this might sound, the only one who might miss me is my cat. And even she won't notice as long as her food bowl is kept full LOL. Speaking of the fur baby, obviously I will ensure she goes to a good home before I check out. Letting her go will be hard. That will be when I will know for sure that I am truly going ahead with this.
Until then, I can only cope by not thinking, this is how I keep the gremlins at bay. But my true coping mechanism is by reminding myself on a daily basis that my days are numbered. I am planning on my leaving date to be one in the same as my date of birth, this will make it easier for whoever gets lucky enough to inscribe my gravestone LOL This will also be my birthday present to myself. Having a target date makes the whole checking out business easier and allows me to have an actual countdown. This is sad really because in my head, I am the same person I was before this whole fucking disaster permanently changed my life. Or should I say stole my life. Problem is I cannot carry on living life in my head. So… where does that leave me now?
Well as I said, I am planning my exit for the end of August and am gradually accumulating the necessary pharmaceuticals. My question to those in the know is because I plan on taking an overdose of diazepam, 100mg plus, will I need to take an antiemetic before? And if so, which is the best one? Can it be purchased over-the-counter or do I need a script? I have done some research and see that one needs to take an antiemetic prior to taking any lethal dose of pharmaceuticals in order to ensure you don't vomit them up and to succeed in one's suicidal efforts. So anyone who knows better than I, please advise. Thank you in advance.
Thank you in advance. x
Days
Seeking some advice please on what I need to do in order to ensure I don't cock up my exit - scheduled for the end of August this year. A bit of background and explanation as to why I am in the position I now find myself.
I am a lady currently residing in Europe. I have MS which for those who don't know, is a debilitating and degenerative neurological condition that steals your life and leaves you a walking (or in my case sitting! Lol) living corpse. However, this wasn't always the case. It became so when I received the damn covid vaccine. To explain …
Around 3 1/2 years ago, I received the Covid vaccine at 11am and by 11pm l was paralysed from the waist down. Because I live on my own, there was no way to call for help when I ended up on the floor. As such I found myself stuck there for three and a half days , no food, no water no nothing until my cleaner found me. Despite spending four weeks in hospital and six in rehab, nothing helped. After all was said and done, I was the same at the end of my treatment as I had been the day I received the vaccine. Even worst, I found myself permanently confined to a wheelchair having lost the use of my legs. This was the beginning of the end.
Because I was no longer able to manage on my own, I had to engage a private carer at a cost of £350 a week and have had to do so ever since - that was a little over three years ago. At the end of the day, I am left having to pay out over £12000 a year for care, all because of that damn vaccine. This has been achieved through a combination of savings and government assistance. After nearly fours years of this crap, my savings have all but run dry. I reckon I have a couple of months left before they are completely kaput, at which point I will be screwed. The good news is that once you're dead you don't have to worry about such things LOL.
Through a combination of losing my health and independence, I have to all intents and purposes lost my life. I experience horrendous nerve pain and keep the pain killer racket in business
. I can no longer walk or go out and socialise. Much of this in part is not only because I am unable to get around and as a result participate in every day activities, but also because I am thoroughly embarrassed at what I have become, not who but what. Namely a mere shadow of who I once was. I feel this way not only because I have been diminished as a human being but also because I have no way of actually *living* life and doing the things that people normally do. I can no longer (and will never again) do the things that most people take for granted. I will never again go away on holiday, or out to eat, or to the movies, or for a swim in the ocean or lie on the beach or build sandcastles, or travel on a plane, or be in a relationship, or make love…and so the list the list goes on. Basically I exist from day to day with each one being identical to the previous and the next with feck all to look forward to except dying. I did consider booking a place with at Dignitas (the suicide clinic), but I refuse to pay £10,000 for the pleasure. Besides, that money has to be used to pay for careI used to take enormous pride in my appearance, I used to love doing the girly stuff like shopping, putting on make up, going out to eat or to the pub or going dancing or going to flea markets or flirting lol, all those things that most people do every day without a second thought. Now when people look at me they don't see the sexy fun stylish dynamic woman I used to be but instead they see a disabled lady in a scooter who is second class citizen, someone who is two feet below them thanks to the low height of my scooter seat. Be it strangers who see me on my scooter or carers who help me with my personal care, whichever it may be, I am not seen as a normal person or as an equal or as a fully functioning human being but rather (in the case of my carers) simply a body that needs to be attended to.
My main focus in life has now been reduced to managing the long-term physical damage left by the vaccine including dealing with the constant pain and just getting through each day. day. I have absolutely nothing left to live for or look forward to. I was watching the Coronation concert on television, watching all the people laughing, having fun living it up, having a great time and once again I was reminded how I am on the outside looking in. It all brought home that I am no longer able to participate in life, but rather can only stand by and watch. Basically, I exist in the periphery, in the here and now, making ends meet while constantly worrying about paying for next month's diabolical care costs. So leaving this life will be a huge relief and not a loss. I have no choice, I must do this. But I must not fuck it up either. I do not want to end up in an insane asylum or being sectioned because of a failed suicide attempt so I cannot screw this up. Hence my coming on here and seeking guidance and advice.
I should mention that I have no family or friends and live an isolated life so I do not have to worry about leaving anybody behind because there is nobody. The friends I do have are limited to those I have met online. Other than that, I have two or three friends who I see a few times a year. They are not close. So basically I am on my own and leave behind nobody. As such my demise will not be felt. The only people who will actually feel or notice my absence will be my carers and that will be based solely on a financial loss as they will no longer be getting my £12,500 a month! As pathetic as this might sound, the only one who might miss me is my cat. And even she won't notice as long as her food bowl is kept full LOL. Speaking of the fur baby, obviously I will ensure she goes to a good home before I check out. Letting her go will be hard. That will be when I will know for sure that I am truly going ahead with this.
Until then, I can only cope by not thinking, this is how I keep the gremlins at bay. But my true coping mechanism is by reminding myself on a daily basis that my days are numbered. I am planning on my leaving date to be one in the same as my date of birth, this will make it easier for whoever gets lucky enough to inscribe my gravestone LOL This will also be my birthday present to myself. Having a target date makes the whole checking out business easier and allows me to have an actual countdown. This is sad really because in my head, I am the same person I was before this whole fucking disaster permanently changed my life. Or should I say stole my life. Problem is I cannot carry on living life in my head. So… where does that leave me now?
Well as I said, I am planning my exit for the end of August and am gradually accumulating the necessary pharmaceuticals. My question to those in the know is because I plan on taking an overdose of diazepam, 100mg plus, will I need to take an antiemetic before? And if so, which is the best one? Can it be purchased over-the-counter or do I need a script? I have done some research and see that one needs to take an antiemetic prior to taking any lethal dose of pharmaceuticals in order to ensure you don't vomit them up and to succeed in one's suicidal efforts. So anyone who knows better than I, please advise. Thank you in advance.
Thank you in advance. x
Days
Sorry, that should have been £12,500 a year not month! LolHello all
Seeking some advice please on what I need to do in order to ensure I don't cock up my exit - scheduled for the end of August this year. A bit of background and explanation as to why I am in the position I now find myself.
I am a lady currently residing in Europe. I have MS which for those who don't know, is a debilitating and degenerative neurological condition that steals your life and leaves you a walking (or in my case sitting! Lol) living corpse. However, this wasn't always the case. It became so when I received the damn covid vaccine. To explain …
Around 3 1/2 years ago, I received the Covid vaccine at 11am and by 11pm l was paralysed from the waist down. Because I live on my own, there was no way to call for help when I ended up on the floor. As such I found myself stuck there for three and a half days , no food, no water no nothing until my cleaner found me. Despite spending four weeks in hospital and six in rehab, nothing helped. After all was said and done, I was the same at the end of my treatment as I had been the day I received the vaccine. Even worst, I found myself permanently confined to a wheelchair having lost the use of my legs. This was the beginning of the end.
Because I was no longer able to manage on my own, I had to engage a private carer at a cost of £350 a week and have had to do so ever since - that was a little over three years ago. At the end of the day, I am left having to pay out over £12000 a year for care, all because of that damn vaccine. This has been achieved through a combination of savings and government assistance. After nearly fours years of this crap, my savings have all but run dry. I reckon I have a couple of months left before they are completely kaput, at which point I will be screwed. The good news is that once you're dead you don't have to worry about such things LOL.
Through a combination of losing my health and independence, I have to all intents and purposes lost my life. I experience horrendous nerve pain and keep the pain killer racket in business
I used to take enormous pride in my appearance, I used to love doing the girly stuff like shopping, putting on make up, going out to eat or to the pub or going dancing or going to flea markets or flirting lol, all those things that most people do every day without a second thought. Now when people look at me they don't see the sexy fun stylish dynamic woman I used to be but instead they see a disabled lady in a scooter who is second class citizen, someone who is two feet below them thanks to the low height of my scooter seat. Be it strangers who see me on my scooter or carers who help me with my personal care, whichever it may be, I am not seen as a normal person or as an equal or as a fully functioning human being but rather (in the case of my carers) simply a body that needs to be attended to.
My main focus in life has now been reduced to managing the long-term physical damage left by the vaccine including dealing with the constant pain and just getting through each day. day. I have absolutely nothing left to live for or look forward to. I was watching the Coronation concert on television, watching all the people laughing, having fun living it up, having a great time and once again I was reminded how I am on the outside looking in. It all brought home that I am no longer able to participate in life, but rather can only stand by and watch. Basically, I exist in the periphery, in the here and now, making ends meet while constantly worrying about paying for next month's diabolical care costs. So leaving this life will be a huge relief and not a loss. I have no choice, I must do this. But I must not fuck it up either. I do not want to end up in an insane asylum or being sectioned because of a failed suicide attempt so I cannot screw this up. Hence my coming on here and seeking guidance and advice.
I should mention that I have no family or friends and live an isolated life so I do not have to worry about leaving anybody behind because there is nobody. The friends I do have are limited to those I have met online. Other than that, I have two or three friends who I see a few times a year. They are not close. So basically I am on my own and leave behind nobody. As such my demise will not be felt. The only people who will actually feel or notice my absence will be my carers and that will be based solely on a financial loss as they will no longer be getting my £12,500 a month! As pathetic as this might sound, the only one who might miss me is my cat. And even she won't notice as long as her food bowl is kept full LOL. Speaking of the fur baby, obviously I will ensure she goes to a good home before I check out. Letting her go will be hard. That will be when I will know for sure that I am truly going ahead with this.
Until then, I can only cope by not thinking, this is how I keep the gremlins at bay. But my true coping mechanism is by reminding myself on a daily basis that my days are numbered. I am planning on my leaving date to be one in the same as my date of birth, this will make it easier for whoever gets lucky enough to inscribe my gravestone LOL This will also be my birthday present to myself. Having a target date makes the whole checking out business easier and allows me to have an actual countdown. This is sad really because in my head, I am the same person I was before this whole fucking disaster permanently changed my life. Or should I say stole my life. Problem is I cannot carry on living life in my head. So… where does that leave me now?
Well as I said, I am planning my exit for the end of August and am gradually accumulating the necessary pharmaceuticals. My question to those in the know is because I plan on taking an overdose of diazepam, 100mg plus, will I need to take an antiemetic before? And if so, which is the best one? Can it be purchased over-the-counter or do I need a script? I have done some research and see that one needs to take an antiemetic prior to taking any lethal dose of pharmaceuticals in order to ensure you don't vomit them up and to succeed in one's suicidal efforts. So anyone who knows better than I, please advise. Thank you in advance.
Thank you in advance. x
Days
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