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DOHARDTHINGS24

Student
Apr 30, 2024
101
Hi
I'm a newbie. I have zero idea what I'm doing with tech stuff. It took me well over a month to join because I'm only using my iPhone - I managed to get my own Apple ID, an unknown email address, changed my Google account detaills, got a VPN on my phone & joined from a blocked country having great difficulty finding my ip address. That is more tech stuff than I've done in my entire life. It is usually my husband's domain. Two problems there - I don't want him to know about this & he is very tech savvy & has previously done quite a bit of digital snooping. I need advice here please. One thing is - what can he see on my phone when they're linked - I've definitely got my own Apple ID & use a vpn & none of my passwords are saved. But he always seems to know things he shouldn't know & he's definitely not psychic. My other bigger concern is that navigating this site only via phone is going to be a really long & painful process for me. To type. To search. All of it. The only desktop at home is shared. He will know in a heartbeat if I add anything to it. We do have Opera as a VPN on it & I can easily use that but I'm too scared to because I don't know what kind of trail I'll leave behind. If I use Opera, does it store any history or leave any trace in the cloud (as someone who does not know what the cloud is….) It would be great to use the desktop - what can I do that leaves no trail? What do i do about history? How do I know if he has snoopy stuff spying on me?
I literally wrote a note in my phone about wanting something absurd from the supermarket & he came home with it & pretended to be so in tune with me, when it was simply a test. That's when I changed all the bits above… My main fear of him finding out about this, isn't that he'd be devastated, it's that he'd use it against me - I don't want to say too much but the people that digitally snoop often have other behaviours in common, behaviours with consequences. I don't have access to much money, only my own part time work account, no access to any of "his" money so buying something is probably out. Plus I wouldn't know where to store it or how to set it up. I just want to use the desktop, use opera as the vpn because it's already there, but not have to worry about consequences. I've spent a lifetime with consequences - & I just want to be safe & smart. To be clear, I've wanted to CTB since before I spent the last 30 years with him. If I left him, I would CTB. If I stayed, I will CTB. The decision is not about him - it's been made. And I will CTB in a way that emergency services will find me, not him. I wouldn't inflict that on anyone. I'm not a sociopathic narcissist, I just live with one - that was kinda a joke. I dunno. I'm rambling. It's late & I gotta get ready for work. Any help appreciated. The VPN defs has to be opera though because he installed that. I really don't know what I'm doing with the tech stuff but I'm pretty confident if he found out, he'd try & have me sectioned as a way to extract money from my family - the end game for him is always money from my family.
Please help
Sorry for the ramble - I used to be a precise human…
 
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SilverTiger

SilverTiger

Life is the night, I seek the warmth of the sun.
Apr 18, 2024
106
Hi Dohardthings.

I am a Computer Science Ph.D, I consider myself very tech savvy. Typically when you get an iPhone, you have something called iCloud linked to it, this lets you see common data on the iPhone, however, there is NO WAY to see Safari / Opera data from this, if he is seeing that. I think he has acsess to your Google account (which you may be logged into via Safari or Opera) or has a tracker installed on the iPhone.

Attached is a screenshot of my own icloud logged into from my own desktop, this is connected to the iPhone I use to browse here.

Untitled


In this case, I recomend,
  1. Factory Reset your iPhone
  2. Change your iPhone's lock screen number to something he won't know! Not 000000 or 111111, something good!!!
  3. Change your Google account password and reset your web history https://myactivity.google.com/myactivity visit this one on your desktop.
    • Click "delete activity by"
    • Then select "Always.
    • Change your Google password once this is done
  4. I am not sure about Opera, but you shouldn't be using it on your iPhone, Safari is safe and good, however as for the VPN it will keep logs, but I doubt he will be able to accsess them, unless he works for the CIA, NSA, MI6 et cetera. Even still, change your opera VPN password to something good!
  5. Finally change your AppleID password to something good!
  6. For good measure, if you search through the account on your opera vpn there may be a way to delete logs.
If you really need a desktop, I can walk you through a guide for compromised machines, I made. I browse the darknet for ways to die alot. I am sorry you have come to this, but I understand, I may be 26, and I think younger then you, but I hope we can both find peace.

Happy hunting.

 
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DOHARDTHINGS24

Student
Apr 30, 2024
101
Thanks so much for your response.
Unfortunately, I can only see a step 1 & 3 of a list of 6….
I changed the google account password last night & checked it didn't save anywhere that I could see.
Do you have any advice (apologies if it's covered in the bits I can't view…) about how to safely use the desktop with opera as the VPN without leaving any trail of history or downloads or anything at all?
Thanks again for your response & I sincerely hope you can help further with the desktop side of things - I can touch type on a desktop but am painfully slow on the phone & just really want to speed up what I can read & write.
Fingers crossed you (or anyone else that wants to jump in ) has some definitive safe advice
For someone that has zero clue but is super desperate for advice with a shrinking time frame to work with
 
SilverTiger

SilverTiger

Life is the night, I seek the warmth of the sun.
Apr 18, 2024
106
Each time you use it, you could create a new account on the desktop, then delete it afterwards. It is a simple trick but people often never check the users folder... Make sure to wipe history and things on opera if you do this.
 
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DOHARDTHINGS24

Student
Apr 30, 2024
101
I'll have a try tomorrow.
Thanks so much.
I know this is easy for some people but it's super hard for me - I'm completely fine with "normal" tech stuff that gets used in daily life & at work - it's that I have no idea what to hide & how & how to know when someone is snooping etc. It's in his wheelhouse & it makes me uncomfortable knowing I could be making rookie mistakes but the more I google, the more scared I am that he has way more tracking on my activities than I know. There's so many programs on the desktop I'd have no clue if there was spy snooping stuff.
Thanks again
 
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DOHARDTHINGS24

Student
Apr 30, 2024
101
So I feel even dumber. I've used opera a million zillion times as someone who torrents everyday. That's in my wheelhouse. I can write an essay on my loss of rarbg & ion & how I use a min of 6 sites a day because I get my Au shows somewhere different from US plus movies plus whatevs. Could teach a class on legit sites & sources & file sizes & who has srt subs & all of that. It's my one tech thing.
But geez, I've legit only ever checked that the vpn button is the right colour or connected to the optimal location etc.
But when I tried to look today, I couldn't even see users. I could see it said sign in & I wasn't. I legit never even noticed the side bar. I couldn't see how to set up a separate user. I couldn't see how to go incognito. I saw how to clear history but there was advice on getting sites not to track that I couldn't find how to do or how to do without being caught - if there are changes made, he'll know. He could handle history cleared, I'm sure he would just assume shopping or porn (!!) but changing big stuff he'd see.
What else can I do?? Any thoughts by anyone?? I think when we clear history, it's only ever part of it, like leaving the autofill on or whatever. I legit didn't think opera stored any of this, I thought apart from hiding your location, that was the whole point ?? Am I stuck with just my phone? And my old person clack, clack, clacking away instead of typing like a normal person my age????
I don't like feeling this stupid. I don't like fearing I'll be caught. I don't want to worry about family money & what happens to my super & being sectioned - my energy now has to solely be about how to do this, how to do it quickly, how he can't find out & manipulate it to his advantage. I'm living below the poverty line, he's living large. I walk to work with no car, he just got a new one. The game is rigged & I've made my peace with all of that - I just don't want him to win at the one think I've chosen to do for myself in my whole life - I literally waited until both my parents were dead to take this seriously (it's not fresh, dads been gone almost 20 years & he's the one who would've felt it).
Again with the rambling. I feel like if I was just typing like blank, everything would be short & sweet like a work email, but this endless tapping makes me lose track.
If no one reads this, I'm legit fine with that. I probs woulda walked away by now too.
Apologies again.
Help appreciated again.
Sorry…
 

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