Help Complained about Loneliness. Now I have 2 girls fighting over me. What should I do?

[todeswunsch]

Posting this here, as SaSu is the only place I feel belonging. Its in off-topic, so I hope its okay.

In this last year I ended up being completely lonely. Didn't had anyone to talk to, both online and IRL.
I even made a venting post here in SaSu about this.
This loneliness was killing me. So I ended up playing gartic to at least talk with random people online.

This is when a met this girl. She's so sweet, we talk everyday now. We are really close rn. We share more intimate thoughts. She introduce me to fortnight and free fire, so we play other online games to. Love this, is helping me a lot.
She said to me that she didn't want to have a relationship, and we are too different to be in one.
Also we both are not into online relationship, and she's 10hrs away from me. It would be hard to meet.
While we are not in a proper romantic relationship, we kinda act as we were, in almost every aspect. It feels we're just not labeling it.

During this, I ended up meeting a another girl, also in gartic.
Since the former girl I met didn't want any romantic relationship, just friendship, this second girl asked to be my "virtual pseudo-girlfriend". We don't actually have anything, its just for fun in the game.
She's very nice, I really like her, and we are starting to know each other.
This made the first girl very jealous and mad. I first got confused - as she stated we were only friends. But now as our relationship is almost romantic I get it.
This second girl, although she's my girlfriend just for fun, seems to be interested in building a relationship.
And the thing is, she's only 20min away from me. Really close, what a coincidence.
I really want to met her and see how that goes.
It would be nice if we end up in a real relationship, as we can see each other frequently. But for now we are just better knowing each other. I see more common interests with this second girl tho.

These girls used to be friends themselves, but they ended up fighting because of me. They no longer talk to each other. I'm feeling like trash. Wasn't my intention at all.
I don't want to make any of them sad, but it feels unavoidable. I'll, soon or later, have to choose one.
And I don't know what to do.

What should I do?
The first girl we have already built a almost romantic relationship, but she's 10hrs away
The second girl we are just 30min away, but we yet have to build something, even tho there's potential.
I'm not that good looking, and not very experienced with girls. I'm autistic so I have a hard time with social clues and flirting. This is a very new situation for me.
Any advices? I really appreciate any input

Thanks for reading, and sorry about the long text

 

[carnivalforone]

what im hearing is i gotta get on gartic....

 

[todeswunsch]

what im hearing is i gotta get on gartic....

I'd call it Gartinder hahaha

 

[cupcakesandmilk]

While we are not in a proper romantic relationship, we kinda act as we were, in almost every aspect. It feels we're just not labeling it.

Off-topic, but there really needs to be a word for this, lol.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Could she be mad that she feels like she's losing a friend and/or that she lost the other friend because of this?

Anyway, the situation you described isn't unfamiliar to me. She could be jealous. She might also be justifiably annoyed because you professed feelings for her and now you professed feelings for her friend, so from her pov it's like the feelings for her didn't matter or it was just because she was there, and now it's just because her other friend is there. There could be some rivalry too.

I think you could've spared her feelings if you had chosen to fall for any other person than her friend, and also if you had not brought up the subject with her. So in a way, you were thoughtless. While from your perspective, it seems like she is being unreasonable, and that is fair too, with only initial surface thinking. Maybe everyone is in the wrong here. Life isn't fair, but it's a possible difference between guys and girls ability to think about certain situations. So what you find reasonable to her is emotionally hurtful. If you swapped places, you might even feel the same way as her, losing one-two friends. Imagine how you would feel if your best friend started dating your other friend, and both consequently stopped talking to you and hung out with each other instead. You might understand, but it doesn't mean it would be easy, right? That might be the position she is in.

I think in fairness this is something you need to sort out yourself now. You and her other friend changed the status quo, so I don't think she is really at fault for being hurt here. You might be able to resolve this amicably. I do think that looking at it, as two girls fighting over you, is the wrong way to look at it, and that's a bit of self-conceit. You had one close friend who you professed to and then started "dating" her other close friend. How did you expect her to feel? She might be feeling justifiably betrayed or led astray, despite your reasoning that since she didn't want a relationship "it was okay" to try to start one with her friend.

When you tell someone you like them, that matters. So if you do that, and then do the same thing with their friend, that matters too. I think ~ I'm no expert by any means. Just try to put yourself in her place and imagine someone doing that to you. You said you were lonely right? So it shouldn't be hard to imagine how that could hurt, no matter who did it.

I'm not saying jealousy doesn't exist. I've been in a situation where I hang out with one person, and then I hang out with their friend, and the first person gets mad. That was a hard lesson to learn for me, because I didn't think it should make them mad. I couldn't put myself in their place, if I had known it would make them mad, I wouldn't have hung out with their friend. And really, that was my mistake, I should've known, and jealousy is something people can feel without being able to help it. I "misread the room". And it's not like it's unfamiliar to me. I think when you're in that situation you don't always think about it.

Anyway, my advice:
Tell the first girl you're autistic and say sorry. It's a bit of a shitheads excuse (its overused by people for bad behaviour) but it might work. Date the second girl. Live with the fact that you probably hurt the first girl and resolve to do better in future. It's a lesson for her and one for you. Just try to be a good person, and be more humble. You probably weren't in a romantic relationship with the first girl and she made that pretty clear, that doesn't mean you didn't hurt her. If you get a chance to make things up to her, do so, but she might not feel the same way about you again. If nothing happens with the second girl then all of this was for naught. Learn from that.

 

[estrangered]

totally agree w suicidebydeath^ adding in my own thoughts too.. just be honest with the first girl, realise your faults in poor communication, express the concern and guilt you feel towards what the situation has become. i can sympathise with her because i have been her HAHA, she seems to just be lonely too, if you can apologise to her and explain what your perspective was, hear her out, and have a discussion about why you were both in a pseudo relationship (i assume both being in the headspace to grab at unfamiliar attention and attraction like this despite circumstance) and reconceptualise your 'relationship' with her as platonic, you dont need a romantic aspect to care/ spend time with each other, be open with this process. pursue the second with more openness/ better communication and knowledge from what you have learnt now- try to keep in mind and inquire about how she may feel about the situation too, best of luck man.

 

[Brown-Jacket Revy]

What does the second woman think about her friendship with the first girl ending over this?

I feel like the first woman has no justification for being jealous, or mad at you or the second woman.

She literally stated she didn't want a relationship, and that you two were too different to be in one.

She doesn't have a monopoly on your time or affection, and she has no right to dictate who you're allowed to have feelings for, or seek a relationship with, when after all, you two are just platonic friends, and not in an established monogamous romantic relationship.

So, she needs to be set straight.

I swear straight women are so weird to me with the jealousy bullshit.

If you have to choose (which you shouldn't, which makes this situation bizarre), choose the second woman.

First woman has already proven to be toxic and problematic.