Compared to other people, I only lost a short amount of time. Why do I still feel like shit?

[snooperdooper]

I've seen stories of people being depressed for decades. Their entire life they have never felt happiness. All their 20s and 30s gone to depression they can't control. I only lost 2 years to depression, but I still feel so horrible about those two years. Even transitioning now as a trans woman I am starting much younger than the majority of trans people and yet I still feel like those 2 years meant everything to my transition. It's such a short time frame compared to everybody else but I can't help but feel paralyzed because of not doing anything with those 2 years.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I've seen stories of people being depressed for decades. Their entire life they have never felt happiness. All their 20s and 30s gone to depression they can't control. I only lost 2 years to depression, but I still feel so horrible about those two years. Even transitioning now as a trans woman I am starting much younger than the majority of trans people and yet I still feel like those 2 years meant everything to my transition. It's such a short time frame compared to everybody else but I can't help but feel paralyzed because of not doing anything with those 2 years.

Don't worry, depression can't really be measured in absolute terms. I, for example, have suffered more than a decade, maybe more, with depression, but it may not be as severe as yours, and after some time, I had to develop ways to sidestep some of it (With the consequence of having a very rigid routine life, and a very fantasy-prone mind).

So yeah, don't feel bad about it, it was not your fault. I feel bad about all my years I've "wasted", but as the alternative would be most certainly go insane maybe I should feel proud of being able to have a semblance of a life with depression constantly harassing me, and maybe you should too. Most people may not call it an achievement, but then again, most people suck.