Help Committing suicide because your ex best friend doesn't want to reconcike with you?

[MeowTheFlemishCat]

Hi! So pretty much the title. I get life isn't fair but simultaneously it would take them 5 minutes to give closure which would be the equivalent of 5 year of intense therapy.

Either way, I gambled everything on one final "well played" hand but it came up short.

The hardest part of committing suicide in this situation is that the logic part of my brain tells me it would take 5 minutes for her to fix it and that there is an actual solution ... how to CTB knowing this?

 

[Linda]

Hi! So pretty much the title. I get life isn't fair but simultaneously it would take them 5 minutes to give closure which would be the equivalent of 5 year of intense therapy.

Either way, I gambled everything on one final "well played" hand but it came up short.

The hardest part of committing suicide in this situation is that the logic part of my brain tells me it would take 5 minutes for her to fix it and that there is an actual solution ... how to CTB knowing this?

I've been waiting for half a century for closure from a boy I once knew. I don't expect to get it. It hurts, but it's not a reason to ctb.

 

[dolemitedrums]

I don't know. It's your life to end when you see fit but your self worth and interest in life ideally shouldn't hinge on what one person does or doesn't do.

Gambling everything on a "well played hand" to get what you want from one other person...do you really need or want to gamble everything in life or your life itself on that?

 

[MeowTheFlemishCat]

I don't know. It's your life to end when you see fit but your self worth and interest in life ideally shouldn't hinge on what one person does or doesn't do.

Gambling everything on a "well played hand" to get what you want from one other person...do you really need or want to gamble everything in life or your life itself on that?

It set a domino effect in motion and could've been the thing to stop the domino effect too.

 

[dolemitedrums]

It set a domino effect in motion and could've been the thing to stop the domino effect too.

Are any of the dominos within your control?

 

[MeowTheFlemishCat]

Are any of the dominos within your control?

Not anymore. If the ex best friend even just gave me closure they would be. My brain would be able to deal with the other issues once this was resolved. I feel stuck. I literally can't move on to fix the other issues until this is resolved. I don't even feel upset/angry, like, I feel serene, there are no more decisions to make.

 

[dolemitedrums]

Not anymore. If the ex best friend even just gave me closure they would be. My brain would be able to deal with the other issues once this was resolved. I feel stuck. I literally can't move on to fix the other issues until this is resolved. I don't even feel upset/angry, like, I feel serene, there are no more decisions to make.

I feel for you. I've had relationships where it seemed like everything hinged at that moment on whether things went good or bad. But for what it's worth, in the end I got over those relationships and most of us eventually do. Your self worth doesn't really hinge on anything your ex best friend does in the present. It would be nice, yes, if they acted in the way that you want. But we really can't control the behavior of others. It may not be impossible for you to do the work and resolve things at your end alone. You may not be as far gone or the damage so locked in and irreversible as it feels right now.

 

[MeowTheFlemishCat]

I feel for you. I've had relationships where it seemed like everything hinged at that moment on whether things went good or bad. But for what it's worth, in the end I got over those relationships and most of us eventually do. Your self worth doesn't really hinge on anything your ex best friend does in the present. It would be nice, yes, if they acted in the way that you want. But we really can't control the behavior of others. It may not be impossible for you to do the work and resolve things at your end alone. You may not be as far gone or the damage so locked in and irreversible as it feels right now.

I've been vexed and strung up on this every moment for nearly 3 years

 

[dolemitedrums]

I've been vexed and strung up on this every moment for nearly 3 years

I'm sorry to hear that and I know this stuff can be hard to get over. But if you can find a way somehow...I think you will free yourself of this torture and free the ex friend from these expectations, which they clearly don't seem to be inclined to meet. This friendship and the closure you want may just be a write off...but that happens and doesn't have to be the end of the world, or of your world.

Can I ask how old you are roughly?

 

[Dark Window]

I've been waiting for half a century for closure from a boy I once knew. I don't expect to get it. It hurts, but it's not a reason to ctb.

Is there literally no way of resolving this psychological issue without actually speaking to the person?

I've seen you post about it before, surely there's some way of moving on from it

 

[Worndown]

Everyone has a reason that prompts them to leave this world. For them it is important.
I would hope a lack of closure could be dealt, but I did not experience it and cannot impart my values.
Approaching them about this would be prudent. It is not like the situation can get much worse for you.
I hope all goes well.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Are you talking about the woman from that suicide note of yours who, in that note, you obsessively talked about and blamed for your suicide?

For those who are wondering what the hell I'm talking about just read through this thread: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...cide-note-google-docs-final-post-here.147225/

If so, then I think she is in the right to not want to reconcile with you and you have no choice but to accept that, move on, and do better.

 

[HereTomorrow]

I'm not a psychologist, but this definitely sounds something similar to BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) where some of the major symptoms include a fear of abandonment as well as having a favorite person that, if not with, will create agonizing distress to the point of suicidial thoughts. You've probably heard that from others, however.

I've been in a similar situation, with similar but not exact emotions nor do I have BPD, so my imput would be that even if you were given closure, it would probably not be enough, it'll give you a dopamine hit and that one slight reply could lead to a "they replied to me, oh my God they replied to me! Okay, if I play my cards right I can probably ask to be friends again!" kind of thinking. That kind of obsession, that daily thinking of begging for relief, it's isolating. More isolating then the words I'm saying to describe it.

I know my words mean little in the heat of the moment, and I definitely emphasize with suicide seeming like the only option, but I really wouldn't gamble your entire life on a Discord message notification. Your friend is probably recieving advice to not talk to you, and you're putting more pain on her by attempting this over and over.

I won't tell you to not go through with it, it's ultimately your choice in the end, but maybe take a step back from everything and think about everything that happened from the friend breakaway to now.

 

[Linda]

Is there literally no way of resolving this psychological issue without actually speaking to the person?

I've seen you post about it before, surely there's some way of moving on from it

I have moved on from it, in the sense that I get on with my life, and it doesn't interfere with my life. But the pain is always there.
I don't think I can resolve it without some participation from him. It wouldn't need a lot - just for him to acknowledge what happened and that it would have been better if he had done things differently might be enough. I would be able to die more peacefully when my time comes if he were to do that. But without his participation it just wouldn't work. A therapist wouldn't be able to do it. Unfortunately, he is not going to get involved. He wants to keep his distance from me.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Yeah you've got to let it go, OP. I understand wanting to mend fences, I've been in similar situations. But it's as simple as, you can't control someone else. People will purposely withhold this closure to bug you, too. Or you're just not very important to them. Either way, you have to take back your power and the only way is to look within yourself and keep it moving. It's the most difficult thing when there's an imbalance of how much you mattered to one another, and I think it can be maddening if you let it get to that level. So you just can't, that shouldn't be an option. It's definitely not worth taking your life over.

 

[MeowTheFlemishCat]

Is there literally no way of resolving this psychological issue without actually speaking to the person?

I've seen you post about it before, surely there's some way of moving on from it

My "ex" Mexican girl came back after 2 years and all obsessions regarding her are TOTALLY gone. It did what 2 years of INTENSE therapy failed to do.

I'm not a psychologist, but this definitely sounds something similar to BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) where some of the major symptoms include a fear of abandonment as well as having a favorite person that, if not with, will create agonizing distress to the point of suicidial thoughts. You've probably heard that from others, however.

I've been in a similar situation, with similar but not exact emotions nor do I have BPD, so my imput would be that even if you were given closure, it would probably not be enough, it'll give you a dopamine hit and that one slight reply could lead to a "they replied to me, oh my God they replied to me! Okay, if I play my cards right I can probably ask to be friends again!" kind of thinking. That kind of obsession, that daily thinking of begging for relief, it's isolating. More isolating then the words I'm saying to describe it.

I know my words mean little in the heat of the moment, and I definitely emphasize with suicide seeming like the only option, but I really wouldn't gamble your entire life on a Discord message notification. Your friend is probably recieving advice to not talk to you, and you're putting more pain on her by attempting this over and over.

I won't tell you to not go through with it, it's ultimately your choice in the end, but maybe take a step back from everything and think about everything that happened from the friend breakaway to now.

Yeah, I had someone that hated me come back after 2 years and it fixed everything instantly to the point if we don't speak again I'd be okay.