Coming out to my mom

[MANGIONESHUSBAND]

Since I'm thinking of killing myself anyway so I think I'm gonna tell my mom I'm FTM I've casually mentioned the idea but I think she'd be okay-ish with it. Like she's not extremely trans positive but she's not actively transphobic. I feel like it would be worth doing. So I think I'll do it by the end of the week.

 

[Malfunction]

If you've casually hinted the idea, then think about how she reacted, did she seem quiet, irritated, did her tone change or get louder? Did she remain casual... etc.

This could be a hint.

Would you tell her this if you weren't going to ctb? If she accepted this and you develop a greater bond, would this affect your decision to ctb?

Without knowing her, Its hard to say. It can go either way because some people are more accepting. Some people might get offended. Some may blame themselves.

I'd say think about it. Is she fairly open minded?

 

[TBONTB]

Since I'm thinking of killing myself anyway so I think I'm gonna tell my mom I'm FTM I've casually mentioned the idea but I think she'd be okay-ish with it. Like she's not extremely trans positive but she's not actively transphobic. I feel like it would be worth doing. So I think I'll do it by the end of the week.

It sounds like she'd be receptive. If one of my kids told me this I would also be receptive. I hope you have a gentle and supportive conversation. Do you want to "dress rehearse what you will say?" I'm sure folks here would give you feedback if you felt like that.

 

[MANGIONESHUSBAND]

I asked her if she'd be ok if I was a boy and she said yeah. But when I told her my chosen make it took her forever to get used to it but also she still thinks if me as my deadname like almost 7 years later. My dad is dead and he's always been more understanding of that sort of thing and my mom and I have a strained relationship. Like she's not transphobic per se but I don't think she understands the epistemic framework that makes it so she sees trans people as their chosen gender. It's complicated. I don't think she'd ever mistreat me for being trans but I also don't think she'd like outright defend me for it. It's complicated.

If you've casually hinted the idea, then think about how she reacted, did she seem quiet, irritated, did her tone change or get louder? Did she remain casual... etc.

This could be a hint.

Would you tell her this if you weren't going to ctb? If she accepted this and you develop a greater bond, would this affect your decision to ctb?

Without knowing her, Its hard to say. It can go either way because some people are more accepting. Some people might get offended. Some may blame themselves.

I'd say think about it. Is she fairly open minded?

If you've casually hinted the idea, then think about how she reacted, did she seem quiet, irritated, did her tone change or get louder? Did she remain casual... etc.

This could be a hint.

Would you tell her this if you weren't going to ctb? If she accepted this and you develop a greater bond, would this affect your decision to ctb?

Without knowing her, Its hard to say. It can go either way because some people are more accepting. Some people might get offended. Some may blame themselves.

I'd say think about it. Is she fairly open minded?

Like she's not hostile towards trans people but she's also not understanding of how being trans works or comfortable with me being different.

 

[Malfunction]

I asked her if she'd be ok if I was a boy and she said yeah. But when I told her my chosen make it took her forever to get used to it but also she still thinks if me as my deadname like almost 7 years later. My dad is dead and he's always been more understanding of that sort of thing and my mom and I have a strained relationship. Like she's not transphobic per se but I don't think she understands the epistemic framework that makes it so she sees trans people as their chosen gender. It's complicated. I don't think she'd ever mistreat me for being trans but I also don't think she'd like outright defend me for it. It's complicated.


Like she's not hostile towards trans people but she's also not understanding of how being trans works or comfortable with me being different.

She could be ignorant (perhaps not the right word) and still be accepting. Which is how any parent should be.

I will admit that I do not fully understand because I personally am not trans (I mean no disrespect). I understand however that this is who you are which is something you didn't choose, your only choice is what to do with the life you are given. I accept and support you. So perhaps she would feel as I do. And I certainly hope that is the case.

If I come across as cautious, its because while I have no experience, I realize that trans people get treated poorly. And you don't deserve that as you have done nothing wrong. You are as important and unique as anyone else. I'd like to see you be supported and be able to find happiness. And I do truly hope that can happen for you.

Ask yourself what you want from telling her. If it is acceptance, you may get that. I'm thinking if she was ok with your line of crumb trails, that she may meet you half way in this. Perhaps it may open a path forward for you.

I truly wish you the best. I can only ask that you take the time to think about your options. If ctb is your choice, inform yourself before making any permanent decisions. Rash decisions don't tend to end well.

Be safe my friend.

P.S. sorry for my late reply, I'm not always around as I try to keep this low key.