Coin flip update #2(FINAL)

[m3nhera]

LINK TO MY LAST POST FOR CONTEXT: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/coin-flip-update-1.246348/

GUYS GUYS I DONT WANNA GIVE AWAY TOO MUCH PERSONAL INFO BUT I GOT PAID EARLY, divided by the number of shifts and the resulting number is >$100 so this means I have to live. I've been more suicidal than usual lately, so it seems like I should be upset about this but the joy I felt seeing my cash balance made me not even care. So what if I have to live? LIFE IS AWESOME!!!!!

(I will probably be back with another one of my mood swings but hopefully this euphoria lasts a while

I LOVE BEING ALIVE!!!
Will probably post this in recovery too since it's so positive

 

[bodys_prisoner]

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Try not to spend all your money and save some for a "bus" ticket.

 

[m3nhera]

Yeah, yeah, whatever. Try not to spend all your money and save some for a "bus" ticket.

I don't like the idea of having to pay for death, I'd rather spend my money on other things. I want to give life another shot. Sorry maybe I shouldn't have posted this here, but I posted the original post in suicide discussion(it was much less positive) and figured people would want an update in the same place.

 

[bodys_prisoner]

I don't like the idea of having to pay for death, I'd rather spend my money on other things. I want to give life another shot. Sorry maybe I shouldn't have posted this here, but I posted the original post in suicide discussion(it was much less positive) and figured people would want an update in the same place.

I'm not judging you for things getting better for you. I'm trying to prepare you for what comes next. There's a good chance that you'll either realize that you're actually earning very little, or that the job is draining too much of your energy.

 

[HollowSoul]

I'm not judging you for things getting better for you. I'm trying to prepare you for what comes next. There's a good chance that you'll either realize that you're actually earning very little, or that the job is draining too much of your energy.

Lets not be like this..

Its good to hold on small things at first, its a nice step

Im glad you're happy op, things might get worse or might get even better, you dont know It and its good to live to see what happens.

 

[Aflame5926]

LINK TO MY LAST POST FOR CONTEXT: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/coin-flip-update-1.246348/

GUYS GUYS I DONT WANNA GIVE AWAY TOO MUCH PERSONAL INFO BUT I GOT PAID EARLY, divided by the number of shifts and the resulting number is >$100 so this means I have to live. I've been more suicidal than usual lately, so it seems like I should be upset about this but the joy I felt seeing my cash balance made me not even care. So what if I have to live? LIFE IS AWESOME!!!!!

(I will probably be back with another one of my mood swings but hopefully this euphoria lasts a while

I LOVE BEING ALIVE!!!
Will probably post this in recovery too since it's so positive

nice man. seriously congratz.

hope to not see you again on this part of the forum :D

seriously tho well done and be proud

 

[m3nhera]

nice man. seriously congratz.

hope to not see you again on this part of the forum :D

seriously tho well done and be proud

I have a lot of mood swings you'll probably see me here again at some point LMAO but I'm trying to live, we all get setbacks from time to time. Recovery isn't linear or whatever they say(for me it is a horizontal zig zag haha) /\/\/\/\/\/ like this

And thank you!!!

I'm not judging you for things getting better for you. I'm trying to prepare you for what comes next. There's a good chance that you'll either realize that you're actually earning very little, or that the job is draining too much of your energy.

I understand this pessimism for many reasons esp with how shit the job market is in the US and how shitty work is in general, but I swear mine is actually good. Like I've heard horrible things about jobs in general but this is actually a decent place and the people are nice and they pay you more than minimum wage AND train you on the job, I've genuinely hit the jackpot. You have no IDEA how much trying it took to find a job like this. Me saying I like my job sounds like capitalist propaganda but I'm deadass. Like I enjoy it. This is coming from someone who usually hates capitalism. And they approved my time off requests(I have graduation coming up and regents exams etc etc). I was actually planning to commit suicide if that interview went badly and I was shocked when I actually got it. I think it saved my life somewhat. Not being able to find a job wasn't the main reason I'm suicidal but ykwim.

Lets not be like this..

Its good to hold on small things at first, its a nice step

Im glad you're happy op, things might get worse or might get even better, you dont know It and its good to live to see what happens.

You're right, only one way to find out.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

Congratulations, happy for you.

 

[m3nhera]

Congratulations, happy for you.

Thanks! I've honestly been considering killing myself anyway, but then that defeats the entire purpose of this.

And also a bunch of other reasons, and we're already short-staffed so I don't want to stress out random people who have nothing to do with my sorrow. And my coworkers seem nice and like they actually care(or maybe it's in my head) and I like it here and I don't want to lose a decent job just to die.

And what if I survived? Surely I'd be fired after that and after being locked in a hospital for so long.

I don't wanna sound shallow, obviously my job isn't the only thing keeping me around, I have the most amazing boyfriend and also goals and aspirations in life but you get the idea.

God this is so corny but sometimes I feel like I have rainclouds in my head(ddlc ref?) that never go away. It gets really dark in here. Sorry I've just been really depressed.

 

[DeathSweetDeath]

I'm sorry to hear. It sounds like you have a lot of reasons to be alive, though. Raincloud reference, that would be Charlie Brown from Peanuts…


But sometimes when we get depressed, if we can just be patient, it will just eventually pass. Sorry for the cheesy sentiment below, but depending on the problem, it's often true.

 

[Passenger4224]

I read your first post. This is not what I expected to be the result, but I am very happy for you! I hope these positive feelings continue and you can work toward recovery :)

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

That's great, mate. I'm happy for you, truly. I firmly believe suicide is a last resort, so it's absolutely amazing you've found a will to live again. There are some cynical people on here but this is amazing for you! Don't mind the mood swings, m8. We all fluctuate from time to time. Wishing you peace and love, mate! Happy for you again.

 

[m3nhera]

I read your first post. This is not what I expected to be the result, but I am very happy for you! I hope these positive feelings continue and you can work toward recovery :)

I don't want to work towards recovery. Was abused the other day(my mom kicked me a bunch and hit me hard in the face) and it reminded me life isn't worth living, and never has been.

I know you probably won't or can't do anything anyway but just bc I'm paranoid, DO NOT SEND ANYONE. CPS is a nightmare I dealt with long ago, and don't want to experience again. Maybe I'll post about this because she pissed me off.

I've been thinking about saving my money for a gun instead of blowing it all on other things. I bought a bunch of wigs and clothes because I love character customization and cosplay and all but now what's the point? I don't know why I spent all that money, gun's not gonna pay for itself. Now I must start from scratch if I want to save for one.

But I'm not even sure if I want to shoot myself, I wanted other methods but I can't do any of them at the moment. Also gun laws are stricter where I live.

That's great, mate. I'm happy for you, truly. I firmly believe suicide is a last resort, so it's absolutely amazing you've found a will to live again. There are some cynical people on here but this is amazing for you! Don't mind the mood swings, m8. We all fluctuate from time to time. Wishing you peace and love, mate! Happy for you again.

No lol my mom kicked me all over it's not worth it this life isn't worth fighting for, nothing matters and if I'm not careful toxic parents can make you lose your job too. I don't want a future, gonna have to look into some things to see if it's avoidable.

I read your first post. This is not what I expected to be the result, but I am very happy for you! I hope these positive feelings continue and you can work toward recovery :)

Yeah I didn't expect it either, especially not after taxes. I really like this job actually they pay more than minimum wage, for a first "real" job I hit the jackpot lol

 

[Passenger4224]

I don't want to work towards recovery. Was abused the other day(my mom kicked me a bunch and hit me hard in the face) and it reminded me life isn't worth living, and never has been.

I know you probably won't or can't do anything anyway but just bc I'm paranoid, DO NOT SEND ANYONE. CPS is a nightmare I dealt with long ago, and don't want to experience again. Maybe I'll post about this because she pissed me off.

I've been thinking about saving my money for a gun instead of blowing it all on other things. I bought a bunch of wigs and clothes because I love character customization and cosplay and all but now what's the point? I don't know why I spent all that money, gun's not gonna pay for itself. Now I must start from scratch if I want to save for one.

But I'm not even sure if I want to shoot myself, I wanted other methods but I can't do any of them at the moment. Also gun laws are stricter where I live.

Dang, for a moment there it seemed like you were so happy. I'm sorry if I misunderstood or if things got worse.

Guns are pricey, I recommend doing research first if that is the route you choose to go.

 

[m3nhera]

Dang, for a moment there it seemed like you were so happy. I'm sorry if I misunderstood or if things got worse.

Guns are pricey, I recommend doing research first if that is the route you choose to go.

No I was happy but I have mood swings if that wasn't obvious from my entire account haha. No need to be sorry. Things seem to get worse all the time but then it changes, idk I feel really weird I feel like I'm gonna cry even though today was a wonderful day.

You're right about guns being pricey, that's part of why I hesitate. I'd rather spend my money on silly things. My wigs should arrive soon and the thought of getting to basically play dress-up and such makes me happy. I've always had a passion for that sort of thing. Anyways so I don't have enough money for a gun right now, and it'll probably take a long time before I do. I can't be bothered to save for that when I have a million things I'd rather buy and also a million things I'd rather save for(like college).