Co attempt on saturday

[ChickenAndPotatoes]

-This Saturday I plan on lighting a charcoal grill in the trunk of my car. I'll have square brick stepping stones placed over the trunks carpet to hopefully reduce fire risk.
-Unfortunately, the side effects are serious: double incontinence, trouble/inability to walk or talk, partial paralysis, delayed onset symptoms, coma (hopefully)...et al
I don't sleep well, I'm never tired enough to even nap during the day, I rarely yawn, I stopped sleeping altogether for several years (about 2007-2017 I got less than 2 hours sleep each day; there were a few days I got the full 8 hours because of Seroquel or OTC sleeping pills, or prescribed sleeping pills when on an involuntary /voluntary hold, but not many of those days). So each year feels like a single day. I need to be turned off-shutdown-reset. That's why I would rejoice going in a coma (sleep), if not death.
-I'm going to have a change of clothes in the car in case I do survive and wake up and have pissed myself. I'm going to sit in the passengers seat (I never have passengers in my car) so I'd soil that seat instead of drivers seat and also so I don't depress the horn in any way. I'm going to wear Depends. I'll have my phone, charger, and wallet in my pocket, so if I am found and taken to the hospital I'll at least be able to charge my phone and report back to you all. I'll also have a note to my family. I'm very likely to park at a public park a few blocks away because a)parking is free and indefinite so no getting towed if in a 3 month coma b)I don't want to be parked outside my apartment, someone calls police because I'm unconscious in my car and risk getting evicted from my apartment or having apartment dwellers making opinions about the quiet, black girl who lives in #2...3)I can use the grill for making hotdogs as a cover as to why I'm in the park...I think I'll tape some black wallpaper (ghetto tint ) in all the windows and put sunshade on the windshield.

Anything I'm missing?...

 

[MAIO]

-This Saturday I plan on lighting a charcoal grill in the trunk of my car. I'll have square brick stepping stones placed over the trunks carpet to hopefully reduce fire risk.
-Unfortunately, the side effects are serious: double incontinence, trouble/inability to walk or talk, partial paralysis, delayed onset symptoms, coma (hopefully)...et al
I don't sleep well, I'm never tired enough to even nap during the day, I rarely yawn, I stopped sleeping altogether for several years (about 2007-2017 I got less than 2 hours sleep each day; there were a few days I got the full 8 hours because of Seroquel or OTC sleeping pills, or prescribed sleeping pills when on an involuntary hold, but not many of those days). So each year feels like a single day. I need to be turned off-shutdown-reset. That's why I would rejoice going in a coma (sleep), if not death.
-I'm going to have a change of clothes in the car in case I do survive and wake up and have pissed myself. I'm going to sit in the passengers seat (I never have passengers in my car) so I'd soil that seat instead of drivers seat and also so I don't depress the horn in any way. I'm going to wear Depends. I'll have my phone, charger, and wallet in my pocket, so if I am found and taken to the hospital I'll at least be able to charge my phone and report back to you all. I'll also have a note to my family. I'm very likely to park at a public park a few blocks away because a)parking is free and indefinite so no getting towed if in a 3 month coma b)I don't want to be parked outside my apartment, someone calls police because I'm unconscious in my car and risk getting evicted from my apartment or having apartment dwellers making opinions about the quiet, black girl who lives in #2...3)I can use the grill for making hotdogs as a cover as to why I'm in the park...I think I'll tape some black wallpaper (ghetto tint ) in all the windows and put sunshade on the windshield.

Anything I'm missing?...

Best of luck, I hope you find peace. Hopefully I will make it to the other side before you do. Waking up can be the cruelest thing.

 

[DeletedUser4739]

-This Saturday I plan on lighting a charcoal grill in the trunk of my car. I'll have square brick stepping stones placed over the trunks carpet to hopefully reduce fire risk.
-Unfortunately, the side effects are serious: double incontinence, trouble/inability to walk or talk, partial paralysis, delayed onset symptoms, coma (hopefully)...et al
I don't sleep well, I'm never tired enough to even nap during the day, I rarely yawn, I stopped sleeping altogether for several years (about 2007-2017 I got less than 2 hours sleep each day; there were a few days I got the full 8 hours because of Seroquel or OTC sleeping pills, or prescribed sleeping pills when on an involuntary hold, but not many of those days). So each year feels like a single day. I need to be turned off-shutdown-reset. That's why I would rejoice going in a coma (sleep), if not death.
-I'm going to have a change of clothes in the car in case I do survive and wake up and have pissed myself. I'm going to sit in the passengers seat (I never have passengers in my car) so I'd soil that seat instead of drivers seat and also so I don't depress the horn in any way. I'm going to wear Depends. I'll have my phone, charger, and wallet in my pocket, so if I am found and taken to the hospital I'll at least be able to charge my phone and report back to you all. I'll also have a note to my family. I'm very likely to park at a public park a few blocks away because a)parking is free and indefinite so no getting towed if in a 3 month coma b)I don't want to be parked outside my apartment, someone calls police because I'm unconscious in my car and risk getting evicted from my apartment or having apartment dwellers making opinions about the quiet, black girl who lives in #2...3)I can use the grill for making hotdogs as a cover as to why I'm in the park...I think I'll tape some black wallpaper (ghetto tint ) in all the windows and put sunshade on the windshield.

Anything I'm missing?...

From my own CO attempt experience. In regard to what you may have missed is what happens if you are unable to remain sedated enough to not know your body is suffocating? I underestimated my own tolerance for any type of sedative, from sleeping pills to cannabis to powerful opioids and benzoes with liquor...none of it was enough to keep me from struggling to get to oxygen. I knew the survival instinct was strong...I had no idea of its power until that day.

That was September 2014. Most of the time, I still wish I had been able to complete that as intended. However, it hasn't worked out that way.

I wish you peace and comfort, as I do all of us suffering here--in all its manifestations. I do have other concerns about your plan, but knowing what you've described, I'm no one to speak specifically to what is best for you.

I don't know you. I only know your avatar and member name have always caught my attention. This post did too.

I want you to know you are not alone in your suffering and despair. No one should have to stagnate there. I wish you a fulfilled journey, wherever you may go. <3

 

[nohoper]

Are you using a proper grill or one of those cheap disposable ones?,You should never light it inside the car as all you get is tonnes of smoke and fire for 30-40 minutes , light it outside and take it in after the smoke and fire has stopped and the coles have turned grey then wait a few more minutes for the CO to build up before you enter. have you read the 8chan thread giving details? https://8ch.net/suicide/res/36746.html

 

[ChickenAndPotatoes]

Are you using a proper grill or one of those cheap disposable ones?,You should never light it inside the car as all you get is tonnes of smoke and fire for 30-40 minutes , light it outside and take it in after the smoke and fire has stopped and the coles have turned grey then wait a few more minutes for the CO to build up before you enter. have you read the 8chan thread giving details? https://8ch.net/suicide/res/36746.html

No I haven't read it; thanks for link. And I'm NOT using a cheap disposable grill. I'm using one I bought at Home Depot for $19.99 but it isn't disposable.

 

[ChickenAndPotatoes]

From my own CO attempt experience. In regard to what you may have missed is what happens if you are unable to remain sedated enough to not know your body is suffocating? I underestimated my own tolerance for any type of sedative, from sleeping pills to cannabis to powerful opioids and benzoes with liquor...none of it was enough to keep me from struggling to get to oxygen. I knew the survival instinct was strong...I had no idea of its power until that day.

That was September 2014. Most of the time, I still wish I had been able to complete that as intended. However, it hasn't worked out that way.

I wish you peace and comfort, as I do all of us suffering here--in all its manifestations. I do have other concerns about your plan, but knowing what you've described, I'm no one to speak specifically to what is best for you.

I don't know you. I only know your avatar and member name have always caught my attention. This post did too.

I want you to know you are not alone in your suffering and despair. No one should have to stagnate there. I wish you a fulfilled journey, wherever you may go. <3

So, I will be gasping for air?? I have no sedatives to take. I could take some sleeping pills I guess.

 

[ChickenAndPotatoes]

From my own CO attempt experience. In regard to what you may have missed is what happens if you are unable to remain sedated enough to not know your body is suffocating? I underestimated my own tolerance for any type of sedative, from sleeping pills to cannabis to powerful opioids and benzoes with liquor...none of it was enough to keep me from struggling to get to oxygen. I knew the survival instinct was strong...I had no idea of its power until that day.

That was September 2014. Most of the time, I still wish I had been able to complete that as intended. However, it hasn't worked out that way.

I wish you peace and comfort, as I do all of us suffering here--in all its manifestations. I do have other concerns about your plan, but knowing what you've described, I'm no one to speak specifically to what is best for you.

I don't know you. I only know your avatar and member name have always caught my attention. This post did too.

I want you to know you are not alone in your suffering and despair. No one should have to stagnate there. I wish you a fulfilled journey, wherever you may go. <3

Thanks for the kind words!

 

[DeletedUser4739]

Thanks for the kind words!

You're welcome. I wish I had so much more to offer you.

There are so many variables, which among other things, delayed what may be my final effort for peace. I don't know how one can be conscious and simply not breathe oxygen if there is any possible option...other than the power of the mind. Intoxicants can facilitate this, but for me, it is never enough. Personally, I realized if I still can't get myself to sleep, this will remain prohibitive. How can I do that again without being unable to reach a state of unconsciousness, competent enough for that instinct to be dulled adequately for a decent exit?

More recently, I have found CO was not the method I had hoped for in my desperate desire for respite. These days, violent methods are appearing more viable to me. Perhaps, that means more lessons ahead, or an end--to what I don't exactly know.

As may be evident in my writing, I am conflicted. I don't wish to spread my confusion into your world. I want peace for you. Yet, I don't know how to get there myself. I do know my wrong turns, and hope whatever I've shared, is helpful to you.

 

[Jiva]

I hope you will find happiness and peace.

 

[Meeseeks]

Good luck! Hope you find peace