NSFW CNC Rant???

[TheDyingSolarSystem]

So I don't really know where to go with this other than here, so imma get it off my chest.

I have a CNC Kink, but without the Consent. It's not me wanting to inflict SA upon others, it's more of me wanting to be the one getting SA'D. I'm pretty sure with my past SA experiences, it's groomed me into thoroughly enjoying getting Raped, but still. Regardless, I've had the kink- or fetish? since forever and it never ceases to leave my mind. When I work I wonder if the customers coming and going would forcefully take me, I fantasize and Wish as I walk down alleyways back to my house that someone- ANYONE would just Rape me right there. it's a problem for sure, but literally NO ONE but me knows this. I want to get hurt in the process, used to their own pleasure and discarded whenever. I want to bleed, cry, ache. sorry.

I've been struggling w this for a long while, and I constantly try to find ways where it can happen, but all that I can find is Grindr- Which i'm too scared to use cause I'm Trans (ftm, Passing? I guess? half n' Half) and pretty sure not wanted there; Or Tinder, but I think that place is more regulated. I also think my Hyper sexuality amps up my fantasies and needs that are definitely not being met lmao.

Anyways, are there other people out there who feel the same way? Sorry- this is mostly a rant, but I'd like any feedback, criticism, yk.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

I'm not sure if what I have is the exact same kink as yours, but I do experience something somewhat, if not barely, similar. Since I most likely have a porn addiction (it's a bad habit I adopted ever since I was in my early teens), I actively search out NSFW content and adopt whatever "role" I'm given, so at times, I do want to genuinely be sexually assaulted. Although, I usually tend to fixate on being dominated and having my control forcefully taken from me rather than the pain

As for ways to fulfill your CNC kink, have you tried looking into nearby BDSM clubs? I don't have any personal experience with them since most of my fetishes are only possible/healthy to execute in fiction, but seeing as CNC falls under the BDSM umbrella, those places are a good place to start looking. Otherwise, maybe you can find Discord servers about CNC? I wouldn't recommend meeting up with anyone from those servers, but you could find some advice there

A simple Google search yielded the following:

CNC Millocracy: https://cncmillocracy.org/
A Disboard for Discord servers with a CNC tag: https://disboard.org/servers/tag/cnc

I hope you'll be able to find someone who satisfies your kink, and I'm sorry if my experiences only alienated you more

 

[NonEssential]

I got fucked up fantasies because of porn addiction I guess. I would have assumed that would be possibly the same for you, but since you've unfortunately had experience with SA then I think it's pretty common to have thoughts like that. Sorry to hear you've had to experience that.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

What you are describing isn't CNC. A key aspect of CNC is that it involves consent. Wanting people to actually rape you isn't the same as being into CNC. At least to my knowledge, a lot of people who are into CNC don't actually want to be raped irl. They just happen to be into being dominated.

 

[WhatCouldHaveBeen32]

So I don't really know where to go with this other than here, so imma get it off my chest.

I have a CNC Kink, but without the Consent. It's not me wanting to inflict SA upon others, it's more of me wanting to be the one getting SA'D. I'm pretty sure with my past SA experiences, it's groomed me into thoroughly enjoying getting Raped, but still. Regardless, I've had the kink- or fetish? since forever and it never ceases to leave my mind. When I work I wonder if the customers coming and going would forcefully take me, I fantasize and Wish as I walk down alleyways back to my house that someone- ANYONE would just Rape me right there. it's a problem for sure, but literally NO ONE but me knows this. I want to get hurt in the process, used to their own pleasure and discarded whenever. I want to bleed, cry, ache. sorry.

I've been struggling w this for a long while, and I constantly try to find ways where it can happen, but all that I can find is Grindr- Which i'm too scared to use cause I'm Trans (ftm, Passing? I guess? half n' Half) and pretty sure not wanted there; Or Tinder, but I think that place is more regulated. I also think my Hyper sexuality amps up my fantasies and needs that are definitely not being met lmao.

Anyways, are there other people out there who feel the same way? Sorry- this is mostly a rant, but I'd like any feedback, criticism, yk.

I'm so sorry to hear. Abuse can become familiarity in some cases. CNC itself can be a reaction to trauma. Some people can use that to gain control back for themselves , you can say no. But for some it might be traumatizing; please be careful.

Also nothing is guaranteed , no is no until it isn't , you don't know who you are getting with, especially in these more extreme kinks, who knows what fake personas are there waiting and preying. I know that you said you don't want the consent part but I'd highly discourage you from actually doing it, it's a fantasy as of now; just like you can fantasize to take 20 bikers head on with a hand tied behind your back and all is good until you find yourself with a biker gang and a fillet knife rubbing against your neck (as an example). Ok that was a bad example to compare it to; it would be more akin to having a fantasy about suicide and then being faced with it, it's nothing like you thought it would and it's traumatic or extremely scary.

I do not know how to get past it as I do not experience it (also a victim of SA, CSA to be exact) but from what I understand this is the gist of it.

Virtual hug

 

[luma]

I'm the exact same way, except I think my porn exposure/addiction at a young age is what caused it for me. It's something I've always felt deeply ashamed for, but this made me feel incredibly seen, so thank you for sharing. I'm not sure what the right answer is, but just know that you're not alone in feeling that way. I am so so sorry for what you were subject to in the past, and I really hope you find a way to resolve this painlessly.