Chronic suicidality + relationships

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

Currently in the process of moving out finally and life is very much chaotic. I met someone cool too but despite all this, I can't help but feel melancholic. They can't seem to grasp why despite all this, I still struggle with severely low self esteem and self hatred. I mean I guess it makes sense because they're why I was even able to move out in the first place but the problem is that no matter what, I find myself unable to get over the irreversible and irreparable psychological damage dealt to me by my so-called parents. I find myself unable to look past years upon years of being an outcast and socially isolated which eventually led to me becoming increasingly cynical and pessimistic about existence and the universe. People always say I just need to be "positive" and "hopeful" but I exhausted any last remnant of hope long, long ago. Truthfully, I would like to be put to rest forever. I see myself as more of a failed science experiment, rather than as a person. I'm just no longer compatible with society as a whole and believe I deserve to die ASAP. What stops me is not wanting to make people sad because they can't seem to get that it's for the best. I kinda find it selfish that they want me to stay around anyways considering my continued forced existence is the primary cause of my suffering

 

[warm dreams]

I understand you very much. These are typical tips like: "pull yourself together!", "look around" or "think about the good." The problem is not that this is bad advice. The problem is that they don't suit us. Depression is a disease of the body, in particular the brain, and therefore occupational therapy, walking and other methods of raising the mood of a healthy person cannot be suitable for us. And it's so stupid that the people closest to you will never be able to fully understand you. Of course, they can imagine what it's like for you, but if they haven't lived it, they will still look at you from their point of view.

I wish you all the best!

 

[AllCatsAreGrey]

I feel you OP. I came to SaSu tonight looking how to manage the ctb urge and the fact I have a happy partner. Thanks for talking about this.