Chronic pain daily thread

[Snowx88]

I'm 28 (feel like I'm 80 !)

I feel like I'm 150

I'm 28 (feel like I'm 80 !)

I've seen 90 + year olds healthier than me

 

[Camille Lejeune]

I feel like I'm 150

I've seen 90 + year olds healthier than me

I think I hate healthy people. I'm a bad person.

 

[Snowx88]

I have severe chronic fatigue . Nerve damage from head to toe , chronic tendon tears /breakdown, brittle teeth and bones that break easy (osteoporosis) , retinal tears , severe vertigo , muscle wasting , hallucinations, crippling anxiety and depression.

Don't even know how I am barely functioning now.

I think I hate healthy people. I'm a bad person.

Feels like I'm dead just existing, yes I thought that way too but their time will come don't worry , no one can escape death

 

[Deleted member 1768]

I thought I'd give this a shot, as there are various other CP sufferers here.

Use this thread to vent, to recount your challenges, if you had a good or especially bad pain day, bullshit with pain docs, etc..

You might want to also introduce yourself by way of your medical issues.

In my case, scoliosis and thoracic outlet syndrome. I suffered through the day with a migraine because I took a bit too much pain meds yesterday (for some reason, after 15yrs, never built up any tolerance). That, however, kept me in bed all day, so pain never got above a 4/10.

Let's see how it goes.

Had to go out to renew a script, and get bread from the sally ann. Pain level, which I use according to how disabled it makes me, just kept increasing as the day wore on. Took me 2 hours to walk the six blocks there and back. Took a bus the last 3 blocks, and fell on the floor when I got home. Stayed there for 20 minutes. Plunked the bag of breads on the table, stumbled into the livingroom, fell onto the couch and stayed there for an hour and a half recovering as much as I could. Nerve damage from cancer surgery right chest, , serious neck issues, dislocation of cervical vertibrae from an assault that caused the collapse of the sternum in the left chest, and hip displacement from the same assault, emphysema, and a clotting disorder all worked together today to make living nigh impossible. Vision is getting a lot worse in the right eye, and the pain in the left rarely stops. Glaucoma, and possibly ongoing damage from the vascular disorder which has yet to be determined. There is more, but the rest did not happen today.
Anyway didn't get much done and it is now close to 4am...whoosh...that means most of what I have written actually happened yesterday. Pain level is still too high to sleep,, and the morning dishes wait silently for me to clean. Along with the dinner plates...the sweeping...the bathroom...you know....stuff.

I think I hate healthy people. I'm a bad person.

I was completely free of pain once. Four hours I couldn't believe it...no pain. The only time in my life I have been free of pain. I got mad. I was so angry with people. There they were perfectly healthy and they did nothing with the gift they were given...nothing. I got so mad I wanted to scream at them, push them....all my days fighting just to go to school, play outside...they did nothing, nothing...how can you be well and do nothing to make the world a better place? How? Yep I am much nicer when struggling against this body. Far more compassion for the foibles of the human spirit.

CP and relentless physical suffering brings me here:
- connective tissue disease that has degenerated my entire body. Can't support weight of spine or head and spend 95% slumped in a chair or laid down
- Orthoststic issues, severe low b.p, racing heart, tachycardia
- sjogrens - causing horrific full body neuropathy which is now eating through cranial nerves, sinuses and affecting my brain
- ulcerative colitis - colon removed and now just eating inside my bottom causing never ending bleeding torn tissue, infections and never ending agonising feeling of pooing and pissing yourself
- suspected Crohns now can't eat solid food. Just had perforated bowels and sepsis and months in hospital
- Ankylosing Spondylitis- an agonising bone condition
- Repeated blood clots in lungs / pleural effusion
- Pericardial effusion
- Agonising burning crushing lung pain
- vertigo, dizziness, spaced out, sedated, head like a bowling ball on a stick.

The main concern of any med professional is whether I'm depressed and need meds. Despite all the above, numerous attempts to assign problems to depression have been made. I cannot support weight of my body despite looking anorexic so walking is not easy. Suggested by a neurologist that I had body dysmorphia. Unbelievable. I look like a skeleton and that's the latest font of wisdom.

You have ankylosing spondilitis Jolene? It runs in my family. Sorry I do not mean to ignore the rest but so few people even know about this disorder...can you get a wheelchair? Most doctors are idiots, and that neurologist is a prime example. My son has made huge strides since getting his....Oh I am so sorry Jolena. Many of the issues you have listed are directly attributable to the funky gene that we hold. In truth I guess that gene holds us....hugs Jolena.

 

[Kyrok]

I couldn't get anything done today. Pain was in mid-range, but it seemed as if the oxy was sweating me more than usual.

I've been avoiding a lot of tasks lately because of pain, and am about to have to deal with them. In particular, two contracted pieces, both due this month. One (book) I think I'm going to have to abandon or punt some years away. The other is a major update, due every 5 yrs. Maybe I can get it done still with a month or two.

But as always, everything else in life will have to drop away: work then bed, nothing else will be possible.

I feel like I've wandered deep into a labyrinth and am lost.

 

[tgfm]

I think that it is simply wrong that the world tries to compel people with chronic pain and illness to continue to live and suffer by making the options for exit as difficult and horrific as possible. What good comes from dragging out pain and misery? People should be allowed to die, and to do so in a peaceful and humane way. Choosing to die is not immoral. Forcing people to suffer indefinitely is. A good and empathetic society should want to alleviate suffering, not prolong it.