Discussion Choosing inefficient methods to feel close to death?

[chlorine]

Okay, so, I just made a post about my two attempts with aspirin OD and exsanguination. When I did it, I think I did want to die, but now I think that maybe I wasn't sure because of how that would actually feel like and all the implications. I don't think I did it for attention, especially since I hate attention and I didn't even want my family to know what had happened. So, my conclusion is that maybe some people who or plan to ctb using uncertain or impulsive methods in terms of success rate, they do that because they want to feel closer to dying and want to understand how that feels both physically and emotionally, so maybe after one or a few failed attempts, they can actually make up their minds to take their lives with more successful methods such as hanging, N, gunshots, ecc, even if they are not always very accessible (I was thinking heroin od or hanging). Any thoughts on this?

 

[BandAddict]

I can definitely agree with the fact that some people have to ease themselves into it before they know they're ready or if it's really what they want. It's testing the waters, that's how I put it. I've personally been doing it for years, and it becomes more dangerous every time.

 

[chlorine]

I can definitely agree with the fact that some people have to ease themselves into it before they know they're ready or if it's really what they want. It's testing the waters, that's how I put it. I've personally been doing it for years, and it becomes more dangerous every time.

Yes, exactly. If I can ask, how many attempts did you make, and how do they get more dangerous, speaking of the methods?

 

[BandAddict]

Yes, exactly. If I can ask, how many attempts did you make, and how do they get more dangerous, speaking of the methods?

I started out by wrapping ribbons around my throat when I was between the ages of 9 and 11. Self-harm began after that and lasted about 7-8 years, which were little scratches at the beginning, but ended up very messy later on. My first and second attempt was when I was 16 (OD on prescription medication.) The result was constant shaking, dizziness, nausea, and an overall shitty week. Third attempt was right before I turned 18, when I mixed a bunch of meds, but the morning after I was just throwing up. Fourth and most recent attempt was another OD, but I made sure that I took MANY pills. My face looked yellowish, I was trembling, and I could barely talk. It really fucked me up for a few weeks. All throughout these attempts, I would occasionally practice partial suspension, and I've been in and out of psych hospitals left and right. Sorry this message is so long, thanks if you finished reading!

I started out by wrapping ribbons around my throat when I was between the ages of 9 and 11. Self-harm began after that and lasted about 7-8 years, which were little scratches at the beginning, but ended up very messy later on. My first and second attempt was when I was 16 (OD on prescription medication.) The result was constant shaking, dizziness, nausea, and an overall shitty week. Third attempt was right before I turned 18, when I mixed a bunch of meds, but the morning after I was just throwing up. Fourth and most recent attempt was another OD, but I made sure that I took MANY pills. My face looked yellowish, I was trembling, and I could barely talk. It really fucked me up for a few weeks. All throughout these attempts, I would occasionally practice partial suspension, and I've been in and out of psych hospitals left and right. Sorry this message is so long, thanks if you finished reading!

Oh, to make things a little more clear (a lot of details to keep track of haha) my mom forced me to go to the ER after my last attempt to ctb.

 

[chlorine]

I started out by wrapping ribbons around my throat when I was between the ages of 9 and 11. Self-harm began after that and lasted about 7-8 years, which were little scratches at the beginning, but ended up very messy later on. My first and second attempt was when I was 16 (OD on prescription medication.) The result was constant shaking, dizziness, nausea, and an overall shitty week. Third attempt was right before I turned 18, when I mixed a bunch of meds, but the morning after I was just throwing up. Fourth and most recent attempt was another OD, but I made sure that I took MANY pills. My face looked yellowish, I was trembling, and I could barely talk. It really fucked me up for a few weeks. All throughout these attempts, I would occasionally practice partial suspension, and I've been in and out of psych hospitals left and right. Sorry this message is so long, thanks if you finished reading!


Oh, to make things a little more clear (a lot of details to keep track of haha) my mom forced me to go to the ER after my last attempt to ctb.

Thanks to you for sharing your story, you must have really been through a lot to have to feel that way. I can relate to the 'mom forcing you to the ER' since that's just happened to me, and also to the self harm. Hope you'll find your way out, whatever that is. Good luck and wish you the best :)

 

[Davy]

Lots people who have survived suicide attempts by jumping off the Golden Gate bridge often regret their decision in midair, if not before.

I've had that near death experience as well and still went ahead with my attempt but was caught by the police and sent to hospital.
I guess that being close to death really makes you introspect and in that moment your brain tries to convince you that life is fixable and worth living, and you think about all the things you will leave behind. Maybe it's just your survival instinct or flight-or-fight response kicking in and trying it's hardest to make you survive.
Of course afterwards you slip back into a depression and realise killing yourself is the only way out of the cycle.

 

[chlorine]

Lots people who have survived suicide attempts by jumping off the Golden Gate bridge often regret their decision in midair, if not before.

I've had that near death experience as well and still went ahead with my attempt but was caught by the police and sent to hospital.
I guess that being close to death really makes you introspect and in that moment your brain tries to convince you that life is fixable and worth living, and you think about all the things you will leave behind. Maybe it's just your survival instinct or flight-or-fight response kicking in and trying it's hardest to make you survive.
Of course afterwards you slip back into a depression and realise killing yourself is the only way out of the cycle.

Couldn't agree more. Attempting suicide really makes you think a lot about a lot of things. For a moment I saw life in a different way, just before spiraling back to my usual depression and pessimism. Wish you the best.

 

[Davy]

Couldn't agree more. Attempting suicide really makes you think a lot about a lot of things. For a moment I saw life in a different way, just before spiraling back to my usual depression and pessimism. Wish you the best.

Perhaps there is a way to replicate this hopeful feeling without trying to ctb again?
Meditation and self introspection is good and can make us see things in a different perspective. Therapy could also help to deal with thoughts and develop helpful beliefs about life. I don't endorse it but maybe drugs and medication could be of use, don't know much about it though.