I'm not suicidal right now but I've definitely had suicidal ideation in the past. I've always dealt with depression/anxiety as long as I can remember, as young as a child. It wasn't until I had a really bad long episode in my early 30s that sent me to the psych ward multiple times in one year and got diagnosed as schizoaffective that things turned for the worst. The things I went through while dealing with psychosis were very traumatizing and I'm thankful I haven't experienced it again after seeming to make a full recovery in the past few years. Though the thought of it happening again makes me want to make sure I have a plan incase something were to happen.
I remember while I was experiencing my psychosis I was determined to die but I had no idea how to do it and was trying to think of everything I could to end it all (everything from burning alive, drowning, slitting my wrists, running in front of a car, getting shot by cops, etc etc all seemed appealing to me during my worst mental state). Now I'm on the other side and can think about it rationally if it were to come down to choosing a way to die I want to have a plan if my mental health declines again. I was not myself during that episode and it was terrifying.
I've browsed around the forum for a bit just trying to find what I would prefer for best way to CTB. I want to limit my anguish while dying as much as possible but I know almost no method is fool proof being 100% without suffering. I also don't want any possible chance of becoming a vegetable or disabled if I were to fail an attempt. I'm willing to deal with a little discomfort while dying if it means 100% success rate without complications if I were to be found and rescued. I'm also opposed to killing myself with a gun. Only reason is I am fearful of guns and what I would do with one while dealing with a mental health episode, I only want to kill myself not others.
Methods I am considering after doing a bit of research:
1. Hanging - It looks like suffering is less than a minute at best and a half hour at worst, plus success rate is pretty reliable if no one finds you quickly. I've also heard you can practice this method without actually doing it? Though that seems risky and want to hear how it's possible to practice without committing.
2. Drowning - I've heard this is a painful way to go, and I'm not confident I can find a large enough body of water to not draw attention to myself, but I'm still considering it an option. Maybe do this at night in a secluded area if I can manage to find such a place. Strap some weights to myself and walk into the water, is it that simple?
3. SN - I've heard it's getting harder to access plus you could vomit and you might fail an attempt? But from what I've heard there's low risk of complications if you fail. I've tried looking for places online that sell it to individuals but can't find anything.
If anyone has other suggestions let me know. I would feel at peace knowing I have a CTB method that is my go to if my mental health ever goes south again. I am thankful I've made a recovery and life doesn't look so terrible right now and having the option to choose when I leave if things go south will make me feel even more at peace. It's such a shame euthanasia for humans is not available otherwise that would be my number one option.
I remember while I was experiencing my psychosis I was determined to die but I had no idea how to do it and was trying to think of everything I could to end it all (everything from burning alive, drowning, slitting my wrists, running in front of a car, getting shot by cops, etc etc all seemed appealing to me during my worst mental state). Now I'm on the other side and can think about it rationally if it were to come down to choosing a way to die I want to have a plan if my mental health declines again. I was not myself during that episode and it was terrifying.
I've browsed around the forum for a bit just trying to find what I would prefer for best way to CTB. I want to limit my anguish while dying as much as possible but I know almost no method is fool proof being 100% without suffering. I also don't want any possible chance of becoming a vegetable or disabled if I were to fail an attempt. I'm willing to deal with a little discomfort while dying if it means 100% success rate without complications if I were to be found and rescued. I'm also opposed to killing myself with a gun. Only reason is I am fearful of guns and what I would do with one while dealing with a mental health episode, I only want to kill myself not others.
Methods I am considering after doing a bit of research:
1. Hanging - It looks like suffering is less than a minute at best and a half hour at worst, plus success rate is pretty reliable if no one finds you quickly. I've also heard you can practice this method without actually doing it? Though that seems risky and want to hear how it's possible to practice without committing.
2. Drowning - I've heard this is a painful way to go, and I'm not confident I can find a large enough body of water to not draw attention to myself, but I'm still considering it an option. Maybe do this at night in a secluded area if I can manage to find such a place. Strap some weights to myself and walk into the water, is it that simple?
3. SN - I've heard it's getting harder to access plus you could vomit and you might fail an attempt? But from what I've heard there's low risk of complications if you fail. I've tried looking for places online that sell it to individuals but can't find anything.
If anyone has other suggestions let me know. I would feel at peace knowing I have a CTB method that is my go to if my mental health ever goes south again. I am thankful I've made a recovery and life doesn't look so terrible right now and having the option to choose when I leave if things go south will make me feel even more at peace. It's such a shame euthanasia for humans is not available otherwise that would be my number one option.
