Children

[GreenTree]

I have 3 children aged 10- 19. I want to catch the bus but worry how they will react. I've weighed it up as I'm going to be a useless father if I stay alive and need lots of care. I dont want too burden them. Is it selfish to catch the bus even though I know it's for the greater good. Any support too catch the bus much appreciated.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

fuck , another parenting thread, I hope you are not lynced for this!
I am a parent,
Selfishness is relative, what you may see as selfish another may not, its a hard situation, Only you can decide the final answer no one else.
What is your situation can I ask? What brings you to this point?

 

[pete_x]

Try as you might you can't protect your kids from that knowledge. Leaving them a explaination would bring ease/understanding at some point I would think as your intention seems noble and selfless with respect to your kids.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

I wouldn´t call it selfish since you didn´t ask to be born to you have the right to die but very hypocritical to want to kill yourself after putting life into the world so they most likely will end up sufering after your suicide. Cold hard truth I am not gonna censor myself to please everyone else it´s just a fact what I am saying look up antinatalism and you know what I am talking about.

 

[AcornUnderground]

I have 3 children aged 10- 19. I want to catch the bus but worry how they will react. I've weighed it up as I'm going to be a useless father if I stay alive and need lots of care. I dont want too burden them. Is it selfish to catch the bus even though I know it's for the greater good. Any support too catch the bus much appreciated.

I 100-% feel your pain and torment. A terrible corner to feel backed into. I wish I had good answers. It will crush our children. I think it has to come down to if it is POSSIBLE to remain here or not. If it is not possible, we must let go.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

You will need to decide whether you will most likely harm them more by staying or by leaving. I realize this is not an easy decision. As someone who grew up with an emotionally absent and incompetent father, I can say that having just any father is not enough.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Try as you might you can't protect your kids from that knowledge. Leaving them a explaination would bring ease/understanding at some point I would think as your intention seems noble and selfless with respect to your kids.

I second this, I never really thought about parents who become suicidal after having kids untill I talked to a girl on here who had kids. It´s a dilemma because prior you were probably fine and after having kids i.e. the point of no return you get suicidal that is a big dilemma I am glad I am a misonthropist and unattractive to females so I won´t procreate.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I'm sorry to hear you are in this difficult position and share my compassion, along with sincere wishes for your well-being and that of your children. There are other parents on the forum faced with the same difficult decision, my heart goes out to all of you.

In response to your post, here's some reading material that may help you with sorting out your perspective and goals:

Practice makes deadly perfection, FSU suicide researcher says

(relates to feeling like a burden)

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/a-stoic-perspective-on-impulse-and-courage-in-ctb.32674/post-603462 (the whole thread is good, but I linked to the most relevant comment)

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/a-shift-in-perspective-that-may-help-to-accomplish-ctb-or-anything-else-one-seeks-to-attain.40371/ (see also comments by another parent, @AcornUnderground, who has health issues that have led her to the choice of assisted suicide. I see posted on your thread here while I writing this post.)

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...urvival-instinct-whats-your-take-on-it.40204/

Not trying to pump up my own threads here! They're just things I've considered that you also consider, and it's easier to link what I've already said than to state it all in a comment here (and it also shows what others have said as well, whether in agreement or disagreement, so it's not just my perspective). You and I have different reasons for considering and pursuing ctb, but they relate when considered from the philosophical stance in the second link. We both have goals of being able to accomplish what we seek once we determine that is indeed the choice we've made.

If I remember any other resources, I'll be sure to share them. You may find some in the pinned Resources Compilation thread, which is about more than just methods, including links to considerations of perspectives that support one's right to a self-determined exit.

 

[Darksektori]

fuck , another parenting thread, I hope you are not lynced for this!
I am a parent,
Selfishness is relative, what you may see as selfish another may not, its a hard situation, Only you can decide the final answer no one else.
What is your situation can I ask? What brings you to this point?

I don't know but I'd feel guilty bringing a child into this world and then destroy their lives. But I have no children of my own, so that's just my opinion

 

[SpottedPanda]

I had an absent father, so no father at all. It wouldn't have made a blind bit of difference to me if he'd have died. I depends it all matters depending on how present you are, either emotionally or physically.

If I had kids, I like to think I'd stick around until they were 18, but that's just me. If I was absent, I wouldn't think twice.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I have 3 children aged 10- 19. I want to catch the bus but worry how they will react. I've weighed it up as I'm going to be a useless father if I stay alive and need lots of care. I dont want too burden them. Is it selfish to catch the bus even though I know it's for the greater good. Any support too catch the bus much appreciated.

fuck , another parenting thread, I hope you are not lynced for this!
I am a parent,
Selfishness is relative, what you may see as selfish another may not, its a hard situation, Only you can decide the final answer no one else.
What is your situation can I ask? What brings you to this point?

As a parent I can relate to this sort of thread. It's a very tough subject and I'm not going to delve too deeply into it. My only opinion on this thread is that if you don't have kids you probably shouldn't be weighing in on this thread.

I feel like only a parent knows how difficult it is to be in this situation. But again this is just my opinion.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Hey OP, it might be helpful if you gave us more context, like why you feel you'll be a burden. Otherwise, one may fill in the blanks and come at this with having made a judgement based on emotional charge or personal experience rather than addressing your experience.

Kids + selfish can inadvertently and unintentionally invite getting beaten up when readers don't know enough of the story. Kinda like wearing a colored bandana through a neighborhood you didn't know was controlled by a gang who ain't into that color! Not that we're thugs here, so maybe not the best analogy... Ima shut up now!

 

[Dead beat dad]

I have 3 children aged 10- 19. I want to catch the bus but worry how they will react. I've weighed it up as I'm going to be a useless father if I stay alive and need lots of care. I dont want too burden them. Is it selfish to catch the bus even though I know it's for the greater good. Any support too catch the bus much appreciated.

Brother I feel your pain. The conundrum you're in is unsolvable.
I'd argue that despite your assessment you're not useless in any way, shape or form.
You care deeply I'm sure for your kids and they for you and I'm sure that one day, they will be able to understand, no matter which way you go.
My thoughts are with you my brother, this situation is impossible, but let no one tell you that you are a bad person for feeling the way you feel...

Love and respect DBD

 

[GreenTree]

Thanks for replies. Lots of kind people on here. When I chose to have kids I didn't know I was going to get mentally ill with pain I cant take. The pain is unimaginable. That's what brings me to this point. I feel like a burden because I cant work. Cant have fun. Feel awkward in social events. That's why I want too die so my kids dont have to look after there miserable Dad. Euthanasia should be legalized for mental disorders. Sorry I didn't know there were lots of threads about children. Not surprising though as were all trying too think what to do for the best for our precious children.

 

[lostangel]

I have 3 children aged 10- 19. I want to catch the bus but worry how they will react. I've weighed it up as I'm going to be a useless father if I stay alive and need lots of care. I dont want too burden them. Is it selfish to catch the bus even though I know it's for the greater good. Any support too catch the bus much appreciated.

I would at least wait until the youngest one turns 18. So at least by that age, the kid will be able to handle the emotional side a little better than at age 10. But it's your choice at the end of the day.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

I don't know but I'd feel guilty bringing a child into this world and then destroy their lives. But I have no children of my own, so that's just my opinion

This view point is one that frustrates me, when i had children life for me, was different it was acceptable, it was calm.
I didnt ask for the emotional abuse that developed, I didn't ask for the mental breakdown that happened, I didn't ask for sexual abuse to happen, i didnt predict the hell i was going to walk in to, if i had, children would not have been on list!!
My children where ok, they are ok now as long as i do not parent them.
Myself as a mother is pointless and hopless, end of

 

[Darksektori]

This view point is one that frustrates me, when i had children life for me, was different it was acceptable, it was calm.
I didnt ask for the emotional abuse that developed, I didn't ask for the mental breakdown that happened, I didn't ask for sexual abuse to happen, i didnt predict the hell i was going to walk in to, if i had, children would not have been on list!!
My children where ok, they are ok now as long as i do not parent them.
Myself as a mother is pointless and hopless, end of

It's your life and your decision

 

[GreenTree]

This view point is one that frustrates me, when i had children life for me, was different it was acceptable, it was calm.
I didnt ask for the emotional abuse that developed, I didn't ask for the mental breakdown that happened, I didn't ask for sexual abuse to happen, i didnt predict the hell i was going to walk in to, if i had, children would not have been on list!!
My children where ok, they are ok now as long as i do not parent them.
Myself as a mother is pointless and hopless, end of

Exactly. When we chose too have children we didn't know we were going too have painfull mental breakdowns. We can't see into the future. Mental illness is devastating and unbearable.

 

[UrDreamz]

Those that dont have children do not know the heartbreak that may befall your children. Any loss is hard on a child. My children were young when their father died and have suffered for it. I had chosen to wait to ctb until I knew my children were old enough to take care of themselves. Now I have adult conversations with them on the subject. It is hard for them and they wish they could fix it all but at the end of the day they understand it is my choice. I am sure this doesnt help you much I can only speak to how I have handled it with my now adult children.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I am conflicted on what to say. I dont want to force you into a mindset where I want you to live. I feel similarly, as a part of why I stay alive in my younger brother. And while I know it'd hurt my brother if I died, I am also and pain and want that pain to end. At the end of the day only you can determine what to do. But, I will say this. It sounds like you love your children, and your children will feel more traumatized with you dead than alive. They will wonder why and it will impact their mental health and create mental trauma for life. I am not trying to convince you to live, but I just want you to know that you have 3 people who need you and care.

 

[lymestolemylife]

I have 3 children aged 10- 19. I want to catch the bus but worry how they will react. I've weighed it up as I'm going to be a useless father if I stay alive and need lots of care. I dont want too burden them. Is it selfish to catch the bus even though I know it's for the greater good. Any support too catch the bus much appreciated.

I'm a parent too and am very sick. I cannot care for myself anymore. We have to hire help around the house, I can't stand for longer than a few minutes so everything has to be done for me. I have a daughter she is 12. She is used to me being sick. Our relationship has eroded, she is very depressed. She is the only thing holding me back. I don't think I can hold out very much longer. I feel like she's already damaged and there's nothing I can do. I can't even care for myself. I'm so fucking depressed because my life is torture. We barely talk she hugs me goodnight. She doesn't come in to talk to me much anymore. She's always playing her video games. Life has stolen everything from me including my relationship with my own daughter. Her sister died at age 6 so if I go, it;'s only going to add to her heartbreak. Really tough decision we are in huh?

fuck , another parenting thread, I hope you are not lynced for this!
I am a parent,
Selfishness is relative, what you may see as selfish another may not, its a hard situation, Only you can decide the final answer no one else.
What is your situation can I ask? What brings you to this point?

None of us had a choice in being born and more importantly had a say in a physical or mental disease. I don't think any of us would be here it it was tolerable. My health was barely tolerable for years and I hung in there happily for my daughter 10 years, It has been torturous the last few and I can't do it anymore. I wish I could go back to just Chronic Lyme Disease symptoms over what I have now. Now its just hellish torture.