Children being abused in home/family

[Efilismislife]

Just wondering if i can get an unbias opinion here trying, to collect datas.
because IRL cant really ask about this and also cant get unbias opinion.

if theres a child in a family being abused by family member, growing up in abusive environment, feeling scared, threatened, constantly insecure(mentally&physically hurt&harm) and life is ruined because of that
in short, being taken as a human sacrifice which not allowed to obtain happiness, a good life/future and only to suffer

arent parents who took the child into the abusive environment supposed to be responsible? Isnt it the parents role to maintain a safety environment in the home?

instead the parents supporting the abuse and blaming the child instead and saying the child should understand and take it and be happy because religion also said to sacrifice

The parents is feeding the child, giving shelter, clothes, etc basic needs, spend money for that. so even though the child is suffering/tormented because of the abuse, the parents not wrong, its the rule that children should obey the parents(isnt it like a farm animal though....)

Is the parents morally right? Is that how good parents supposed to treat their child?
Is that a good family environment that most child would want/a good environment for children to grow up?

Is the child supposed to be thankful/ will you be thankfully happy ?

or is it normal for the child to be angry and depressed?

The reason i ask because sometimes i feel somewhat conflicted. What i think is right is constantly being condemn. So sometimed im confused whats right and whats wrong anymore

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Parents are responsible for their children. Abusing and manipulating children is morally wrong. Children should grow up in a good environment. A child should not be guilt-tripped into being thankful if they were abused. If normal means what is expected outcome, then I would expect the child to be angry and/or depressed about the situation.

Toxic families suck, the answer is always to get away from the family, sadly.

"Just wondering if i can get an unbias opinion here trying, to collect datas.
because IRL cant really ask about this and also cant get unbias opinion."
"The reason i ask because sometimes i feel somewhat conflicted. What i think is right is constantly being condemn. So sometimed im confused whats right and whats wrong anymore."

This is relatable, so don't worry, your family making you feel confused is how they control you. Hopefully nobody questions why you're asking all this, because this is what is 'normal' for someone to feel in your situation, it's 'normal' to feel confused and try to question the insane situation pressed on you by asking why things aren't as they should be. The truth is, your thoughts are about how things should be are sane, rational and correct, but your family will try to make you feel like you're the crazy one to keep you under control and not questioning the situation whether its religious abuse or any other kind of abuse.

I have a toxic family too. Get away from them if you can, at least don't let them affect and interfere with your life. It's your life, not theirs.

 

[Efilismislife]

Thank you for your opinion and sharing your thoughts

unfortunately im trapped, im weak& alone, they have the power and i have to deal with all of the sufferings. some unfortunate people dont really have a choice arent they...

But some people condemn saying its our own fault for not being able to save ourselves...

thats why wanting to quit this "curse/hell" seems to be rational but its also hard to escape this world

i also still cant accept if i ctb after being taken since a child to become a human sacrifice
its like its my fault and i have to kms
and those perpetrator dancing happily on my grave

but still i wonder if quitting is better than enduring

Parents are responsible for their children. Abusing and manipulating children is morally wrong. Children should grow up in a good environment. A child should not be guilt-tripped into being thankful if they were abused. If normal means what is expected outcome, then I would expect the child to be angry and/or depressed about the situation.

Toxic families suck, the answer is always to get away from the family, sadly.


This is relatable, so don't worry, your family making you feel confused is how they control you. Hopefully nobody questions why you're asking all this, because this is what is 'normal' for someone to feel in your situation, it's 'normal' to feel confused and try to question the insane situation pressed on you by asking why things aren't as they should be. The truth is, your thoughts are about how things should be are sane, rational and correct, but your family will try to make you feel like you're the crazy one to keep you under control and not questioning the situation whether its religious abuse or any other kind of abuse.

I have a toxic family too. Get away from them if you can, at least don't let them affect and interfere with your life. It's your life, not theirs.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

But some people condemn saying its our own fault for not being able to save ourselves...

Relatable. Those people come from normal families and aren't specialised in the dynamics of family psychiatry. It's very easy for others to judge people on a situation they've never been in themselves. I'm not sure what the reason is, but I suspect its related to learned helplessness, especially because these abuses tend to occur throughout childhood and beyond when you literally have little agency or control over the events. There's also literally no way to control what family you have, if you are born into an abusive family that's what you get stuck with, sadly.

thats why wanting to quit this "curse/hell" seems to be rational but its also hard to escape this world

I know exactly where you're coming from.

It's not your fault. I don't know if quitting or enduring is better, in a way, I wish I had died a long time ago. Unfortunately for me survival instinct is very high, I don't know if its the same for you. It might be the same pattern for many people with toxic family.

 

[rainwillneverstop]

are they responsible? yes.
but holding on to that grudge is both a waste of energy and time.
The best is to get out of such household, the sooner the better. Reach out before you become numb and silent, it will happen.

 

[Efilismislife]

are they responsible? yes.
but holding on to that grudge is both a waste of energy and time.
The best is to get out of such household, the sooner the better. Reach out before you become numb and silent, it will happen.

If i have that option to save myself i wouldnt have come to this place in the first place to find a way to ctb nor posting here

Not so many people are lucky enough to have that option, let alone a solution

 

[waitingforrest]

if theres a child in a family being abused by family member, growing up in abusive environment, feeling scared, threatened, constantly insecure(mentally&physically hurt&harm) and life is ruined because of that
in short, being taken as a human sacrifice which not allowed to obtain happiness, a good life/future and only to suffer

arent parents who took the child into the abusive environment supposed to be responsible? Isnt it the parents role to maintain a safety environment in the home?

instead the parents supporting the abuse and blaming the child instead and saying the child should understand and take it and be happy because religion also said to sacrifice

The parents is feeding the child, giving shelter, clothes, etc basic needs, spend money for that. so even though the child is suffering/tormented because of the abuse, the parents not wrong, its the rule that children should obey the parents(isnt it like a farm animal though....)

Is the parents morally right? Is that how good parents supposed to treat their child?
Is that a good family environment that most child would want/a good environment for children to grow up?

Is the child supposed to be thankful/ will you be thankfully happy ?

or is it normal for the child to be angry and depressed?

Being a good parent means much more than just food, water, and shelter.

It's loving the child that grows up, even if they were to deviate and live in their own way, because will children grow up and change. And that the child has actual feelings, dreams, and thoughts, and that those are not to be crushed.

Providing the basic needs is the bare minnium by law, yet there are some parents that act like they are the best parents ever for that. A heartless parent feeds and provides, but kills the child inside.

I'd be hurt if I was that child, and extremely sad that I won't ever get my childhood back.

 

[Efilismislife]

Being a good parent means much more than just food, water, and shelter.

It's loving the child that grows up, even if they were to deviate and live in their own way, because will children grow up and change. And that the child has actual feelings, dreams, and thoughts, and that those are not to be crushed.

Providing the basic needs is the bare minnium by law, yet there are some parents that act like they are the best parents ever for that. A heartless parent feeds and provides, but kills the child inside.

I'd be hurt if I was that child, and extremely sad that I won't ever get my childhood back.

I read the law when its too late
(And mistaken/confused when i posted that)
Turns out it says children safety from harm is the basic need too


But then again who could be happy being tortured/beat up just for a shelter

 

[makethepainstop]

People who hurt children or people more vulnerable than themselves are the most evil cowards in the known universe.Karm will catch up to these cretin punks.

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

ufortunately im trapped, im weak& alone, they have the power and i have to deal with all of the sufferings. some unfortunate people dont really have a choice arent they...

But some people condemn saying its our own fault for not being able to save ourselves...

Those people are probably ignorant about learned helplessness, everyone has heard of the 'fight or flight' response which is why some people will question why you didn't just fight back or run away. But during child abuse, the 'freeze' response often keeps us safe by keeping us still. It prevents something worse from happening, by ensuring that we don't invite retribution through fighting or fleeing. It allows us to survive in the moment, but it manifests in the long term as learned helplessness - a sense of powerlessness that follows you into adulthood.

Another reason why you're likely to get callous responses is because people underestimate the long term physical impact that child abuse has on the developing brain, nervous system and endocrine system.

So even after you leave the abusive environment, the common long term effects such as depression, cPTSD, anxiety, agoraphobia, psychosomatic pain, insomnia, emotional dysregulation etc can follow you wherever you go. And those issues, alongside the learned helplessness, can make it difficult to become financially independent enough to leave in the first place. So comments like 'forget about it' or 'just leave' are misguided and pointless.

The parents is feeding the child, giving shelter, clothes, etc basic needs, spend money for that. so even though the child is suffering/tormented because of the abuse, the parents not wrong, its the rule that children should obey the parents(isnt it like a farm animal though....)

Is the parents morally right? Is that how good parents supposed to treat their child?
Is that a good family environment that most child would want/a good environment for children to grow up?

Is the child supposed to be thankful/ will you be thankfully happy ?

or is it normal for the child to be angry and depressed?

I think this is a common defence that abusive parents use to guilt trip you when you finally try to put a stop to the abuse or neglect, I heard it myself many times. It's definitely normal to feel angry and depressed about this situation.

 

[hamvil]

Really sorry that you are in this situation, it brings to my memory the horrible childhood I had. I was abused by both my mother and my father all the time both verbally and physically. They made me feel like a useless thing and a burden. They showed me only hate and violence and taught me not to believe in other people. The only good thing they did was provide a hose and food. They are responsible and I did not have anyway to leave for a long time. I go so used to the environment that I stay at home also during the university. After I realised that it was too much and I left. The period during primary school was the worse, then my mother killed herself when I was 14 and things improved a bit.

 

[Efilismislife]

Really sorry that you are in this situation, it brings to my memory the horrible childhood I had. I was abused by both my mother and my father all the time both verbally and physically. They made me feel like a useless thing and a burden. They showed me only hate and violence and taught me not to believe in other people. The only good thing they did was provide a hose and food. They are responsible and I did not have anyway to leave for a long time. I go so used to the environment that I stay at home also during the university. After I realised that it was too much and I left. The period during primary school was the worse, then my mother killed herself when I was 14 and things improved a bit.

Im really familiar with it too

unfortunately i developed a chronic rare disease which led me in a worse situation, more helpless/hopeless, trapped
And caught in a vicious cycle

 

[Pluto]

I have been through what you describe, and if I'm honest, I'm still going through it every day, even now in my 40s. By far the hardest part is knowing what is true or false, right or wrong and to what degree. This sense of self-doubt makes navigating life very difficult. The need for extra processing wastes a lot of cognitive energy compared to someone who was raised properly in the first place.

One of the best things I ever did was read an article about family dysfunction on Wikipedia, along with similar articles on topics like narcissistic abuse and manipulation. It suddenly opened the door to exposing the various tricks in their sadistic playbook.

Dysfunctional family - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

The trick is that one has to keep revisiting this research over and over, because the facts of the matter are at odds with our respective lifetimes of conditioning. Also, as you say, it doesn't solve any financial or other problems. It does help to start to get a clear picture about what they have done to you, though, which is an important first step.

 

[Efilismislife]

I have been through what you describe, and if I'm honest, I'm still going through it every day, even now in my 40s. By far the hardest part is knowing what is true or false, right or wrong and to what degree. This sense of self-doubt makes navigating life very difficult. The need for extra processing wastes a lot of cognitive energy compared to someone who was raised properly in the first place.

One of the best things I ever did was read an article about family dysfunction on Wikipedia, along with similar articles on topics like narcissistic abuse and manipulation. It suddenly opened the door to exposing the various tricks in their sadistic playbook.

Dysfunctional family - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

The trick is that one has to keep revisiting this research over and over, because the facts of the matter are at odds with our respective lifetimes of conditioning. Also, as you say, it doesn't solve any financial or other problems. It does help to start to get a clear picture about what they have done to you, though, which is an important first step.

I just found out about it from you and it fits with all the criteria

From what i read everything starts from
parents that incapable but irresponsibly start a family and end up with chaos

Although in my case i have to deal with 3 psychopaths who much bigger&much older than me and im completely alone getting trampled