Childhood Sexual Abuse

[motel rooms]

I'm thinking about leaving this forum, so I might as well finally talk about it. I was sexually abused by my "father" as a boy. My "mother" knew about it & she chose to do nothing. Anybody else in the same boat? Any guys familiar with this forum - https://malesurvivor.org/ ?

 

[Bat 17]

I haven't but can I say how much I admire your bravery and integrity in opening this discussion given how many suicidal people have been affected by this

 

[motel rooms]

Most people don't wanna talk about it, especially men. It's too late for me, but maybe someone can profit from this - https://malesurvivor.org/

 

[Bat 17]

Most people don't wanna talk about it, especially men. It's too late for me, but maybe someone can profit from this - https://malesurvivor.org/

I really hope it isn't too late as I love having you here on the forum and I know I speak for many here

 

[motel rooms]

I really hope it isn't too late as I love having you here on the forum and I know I speak for many here

It's too late, the physical pain I'm dealing with is bound to get worse. Nothing but sexual release helps me manage it & that's not enough

 

[BlankUser]

I wanted to reply to this thread yesterday, but I was very triggered by my stupid OCD and I couldn't do it. Today I'm drunk and I feel like: "Fuck you, OCD".
Your "parents" should be jailed. They should stay there and they should rot in there! I am so sorry that these people ruined your life. Do you think there's anything that could ease your pain and make you to move on with your life?
I was sexually abused, assaulted and molested in my teens by the boys in my school almost daily. It went on for several years. I try to block these memories in my head. But I think it's one of the reasons for developing my mental illnesses.

 

[Bat 17]

I was sexually abused, assaulted and molested in my teens by the boys in my school almost daily. It went on for several years. I try to block these memories in my head. But I think it's one of the reasons for developing my mental illnesses.

Ffs, I am so sorry Blank. I hope the pigs that did that to you rot in hell for eternity. I don't doubt it played a massive part in your troubles and that's so unfair.

 

[motel rooms]

I was sexually abused, assaulted and molested in my teens by the boys in my school almost daily. It went on for several years. I try to block these memories in my head. But I think it's one of the reasons for developing my mental illnesses.

I'm so sorry for the hell you went through... It's probably the main reason you developed your illnesses. I'll try & write more about my life in a couple of hours or tomorrow

 

[idkanymore365]

I'm thinking about leaving this forum, so I might as well finally talk about it. I was sexually abused by my "father" as a boy. My "mother" knew about it & she chose to do nothing. Anybody else in the same boat? Any guys familiar with this forum - https://malesurvivor.org/ ?

I was sexually abused by my "father" when I was younger. Turned out he did it to a lot of other kids too. He got out of prison last year and honestly that broke me, that he can just live his happy free life now. He left me with so much guilt that if I'd said something other kids wouldn't have been hurt. He now leaves me in fear everyday that he will show up again in my life. I'm so sorry you went through that, it's truly a horrendous thing to experience :( good on you for speaking about it though - ik how hard that can be too. Sending you hugs

 

[motel rooms]

I was sexually abused by my "father" when I was younger. Turned out he did it to a lot of other kids too. He got out of prison last year and honestly that broke me, that he can just live his happy free life now. He left me with so much guilt that if I'd said something other kids wouldn't have been hurt. He now leaves me in fear everyday that he will show up again in my life.

I'm so sorry... Can't you get a restraining order against him? I'd tell all his neighbors about his past.
At least my abuser is dead & I got to beat the shit out of him many times as an older teenager. He was a big, tall bastard, but he was drunk all the time

 

[scarletohara]

i was sexually abused by 6 members of my family, passed around like a blunt, i went from one bad situation to another through life blocking it all out. i never had a childhood, i never stood a chance. my parents are dead and my brother killed himself, none of them plus others were ever held accountable, infact my mother blamed me. ive wanted to die since before i started school, tbh i dont even know how im still here, unfortunate.

 

[idkanymore365]

I'm so sorry... Can't you get a restraining order against him? I'd tell all his neighbors about his past.
At least my abuser is dead & I got to beat the shit out of him many times as an older teenager. He was a big, tall bastard, but he was drunk all the time

Thank you, I'm sorry for everything you went through too. Yeah, I am working on trying to get a restraining order now he's out, it's just taking ages for anything to go through with covid :/.
I'm so glad you got to beat the shit out of your abuser, - he deserved every hit (and way more)

 

[MaybeSoon]

I was but not by parents, it left me with a pretty reckless attitude towards love and sex overall. I hate it. I seem to put the two too closely together.

 

[TheAmazingCriswell]

Isn't it odd?
Everything in modern society is heavily regulated: You need a permission to build a house or to drive a car, there are noise regulations that prohibit you from doing what you want on your own property, yet every goon can (and does) procreate. If you timidly propose that some regulation, however slight, might be in order, you will be branded an eugenicist in an outcry of outrage.
Somehow, demanding that something as serious as creating a new human being is held to a certain standard seems to cross a line.
Apparently everyone is entitled to offspring, but not to housing, food, health service or other vital resources that are essential for every human being once it exists.
Why?
Housing, food, health service etc. require money, whereas everyone can make a child for free. Hence, many people don't oppose mindless procreation, since it doesn't cost them; only when the child thus conceived begins to make demands does it becomes a nuisance.
Luckily, most people in modern society have erected a wall of ignorance which prevents them from being bothered by other people's problems, even if these might have negative consequences for themselves in the future.
What about abusive and mentally ill parents?
"Well, that's not my problem!" they say, until it is and the child becomes a criminal, a homeless or simply a society dropout.
Luckily, these aren't real problems:
Criminals will rot in prison, irrespective of the circumstances getting them there; what's the point of investing in people early in life if you can simply punish them once things take a wrong turn later on?
As long as the homeless don't hang out in your favourite park, they are of no bother, and if the society dropout doesn't use up too many resources, he can be easily ignored as well.
Either way, if people don't like the life they have been gifted, they can simply kill themselves; it's that simple!
It is far more important to preserve the essential right of procreation; God forbid that the human race might go extinct!
Von Linné revealed a delicious sense of humour in branding humans "homo sapiens sapiens".

[I apologise for this diatribe, but any kind of child abuse makes me extremely angry.]

 

[FireFox]

I'm thinking about leaving this forum, so I might as well finally talk about it. I was sexually abused by my "father" as a boy. My "mother" knew about it & she chose to do nothing. Anybody else in the same boat? Any guys familiar with this forum - https://malesurvivor.org/ ?

Childhood sexual abuse( CSA) is the worst crime a human being can commit. I dont believe in the death penalty .I strongly believe people who commit CSA should never be free. Pedophiles should be jailed for life because the victims have to live with the abuse forever. People who cover for up CSA I believe also should be in jail for life because they are actually putting other peoples children's in the community at risk.

You deserved so much better your parents failed you. Your parents are actually evil. I hope they burn in hell. I am so sorry to say . A mother is supposed to protect her children. I am feminist . Feminists go on about holding men accountable for violence . We need to discuss as a society about women being complicit in male violence and holding these women accountable too because they are just as evil.

Actually In families it is well known mothers have covered up sexual abuse if they're child has experienced this. CSA is a still a taboo in 2021 and this has ruined the lives of millions of children like yourself. Too many children lives have been ruined by CSA. This has got to stop.

I hope you find peace and happiness because you deserve to be happy.
If you do leave I am so sorry about my whiny posts and threads you have come across. I do feel bad about the posts I have made.

I do come across sometimes whiny pathetic 24 year old woman who needs to grow up i dont know how

Anyway please take care

Love FireFox

 

[MaybeSoon]

As a victim of CSA. It really isn't a sex or feminist issue. Women are more likely to abuse girls/daughters than men, and men are more likely to abuse boys/sons for example. (I am parroting this from a podcast I listened to from someone who is a professional in CSA)

I'm a victim so have looked at this at multiple angles, and read up on multiple professional opinions. I've come to the conclusion that what is to blame is that there is no help for the people that commit these crimes. Sure label me as a "sympathiser" if you want but that isn't the case. I would murder the person who abused me if they were in the same room, no regrets, but that would purely be an emotional reaction. However, was there any help for this person? did they choose to be born that way? was there anyone they could confide to? any help to curb the interests and urges? the answer is probably not. They were fucked up and I was there to be taken advantage of. Wasn't my fault and it was definitely theirs. But why was it their fault? I think the answer is due to societal attitudes. If the freak that forced me to do what I did had help to understand what he did was wrong would it have prevented it? Probably, there's European countrys that have this attitude and their rate of abuse is lower than the UK's. For example in Germany there's a anonymous helpline for these people.

I'm probably rambling and people will take this the wrong way but I truely believe the solution to this problem is prevention rather than a "cure" which isn't going to happen...

 

[Beachedwhale]

Isn't it odd?
Everything in modern society is heavily regulated: You need a permission to build a house or to drive a car, there are noise regulations that prohibit you from doing what you want on your own property, yet every goon can (and does) procreate. If you timidly propose that some regulation, however slight, might be in order, you will be branded an eugenicist in an outcry of outrage.
Somehow, demanding that something as serious as creating a new human being is held to a certain standard seems to cross a line.
Apparently everyone is entitled to offspring, but not to housing, food, health service or other vital resources that are essential for every human being once it exists.
Why?
Housing, food, health service etc. require money, whereas everyone can make a child for free. Hence, many people don't oppose mindless procreation, since it doesn't cost them; only when the child thus conceived begins to make demands does it becomes a nuisance.
Luckily, most people in modern society have erected a wall of ignorance which prevents them from being bothered by other people's problems, even if these might have negative consequences for themselves in the future.
What about abusive and mentally ill parents?
"Well, that's not my problem!" they say, until it is and the child becomes a criminal, a homeless or simply a society dropout.
Luckily, these aren't real problems:
Criminals will rot in prison, irrespective of the circumstances getting them there; what's the point of investing in people early in life if you can simply punish them once things take a wrong turn later on?
As long as the homeless don't hang out in your favourite park, they are of no bother, and if the society dropout doesn't use up too many resources, he can be easily ignored as well.
Either way, if people don't like the life they have been gifted, they can simply kill themselves; it's that simple!
It is far more important to preserve the essential right of procreation; God forbid that the human race might go extinct!
Von Linné revealed a delicious sense of humour in branding humans "homo sapiens sapiens".

[I apologise for this diatribe, but any kind of child abuse makes me extremely angry.]

Spot on. We need lessons and exams and interviews to drive a car or get a job or grow up but not to bring a human being into the world? What?

I'm also a victim of CSA here but the main issue is that my parents didn't help me deal with the issue even though I told them about it and I ended up hating myself thinking that the CSA made me gay. Nobody in my "family" helped me.

@hotelbeneathground thank you for the link and I hope you'll stick around a bit longer so I get to see more of your funny comments.

 

[Weary Soul]

I am so sorry you experienced this.

I am not male, but I too survived being sexually abused by my father and brother at a very young age, and for years.

My mother was extremely co-dependent or a covert narcissist (not sure).

I do not know if she knew, but without a doubt, had she known, she would have brushed it under the rug. One of her favorite sayings was, "Don't air your dirty laundry in public." Meaning, when bad things went down in the house, I was not to speak of them to anyone.

It has altered my life significantly in terrible ways.

In addition to the sexual abuse, I was also emotionally and physically abused in many other ways. I think these types of abuse go hand in hand, or maybe that was just my experience.

I never knew when I would be assaulted by fists, bodies, or words, so I became hypervigilant by default. And although my father has been dead for many years and I have nothing to do with my family anymore, I still have PTSD, eg., when I hear a garage door open or footsteps on stairs I go straight to panic mode.

One of the worst parts about child abuse for me was that I could never be me. I had to watch every action, every word,.. in essence, I had to be who they wanted me to be to survive. It was exhausting. And sometimes that didn't even work. I will never forget the time my father slapped me across the face so hard I fell to the floor because I walked by him without saying hello (he was a foot taller than me and twice my weight). The other problem, at least for me, was that I was the only one out of all of the kids who was treated this way - I was the stereotypical scapegoat.

I am permanently damaged. Child abuse has far-reaching consequences, terrible ones.

Thank you for posting that link about others who may have experienced this - CSA and child abuse in general are typically crimes of silence, and maybe this link will help so many people who have been abused this way.

 

[FireFox]

As a victim of CSA. It really isn't a sex or feminist issue. Women are more likely to abuse girls/daughters than men, and men are more likely to abuse boys/sons for example. (I am parroting this from a podcast I listened to from someone who is a professional in CSA)

I'm a victim so have looked at this at multiple angles, and read up on multiple professional opinions. I've come to the conclusion that what is to blame is that there is no help for the people that commit these crimes. Sure label me as a "sympathiser" if you want but that isn't the case. I would murder the person who abused me if they were in the same room, no regrets, but that would purely be an emotional reaction. However, was there any help for this person? did they choose to be born that way? was there anyone they could confide to? any help to curb the interests and urges? the answer is probably not. They were fucked up and I was there to be taken advantage of. Wasn't my fault and it was definitely theirs. But why was it their fault? I think the answer is due to societal attitudes. If the freak that forced me to do what I did had help to understand what he did was wrong would it have prevented it? Probably, there's European countrys that have this attitude and their rate of abuse is lower than the UK's. For example in Germany there's a anonymous helpline for these people.

I'm probably rambling and people will take this the wrong way but I truely believe the solution to this problem is prevention rather than a "cure" which isn't going to happen...

I am so sorry to hear that you have experienced CSA. Thank you for offering a balanced perspective on what is a difficult topic. I hope you have had help. Please keep safe and take care . I hope you find happiness

I have always believed we should tackle the root causes of social problems in society in this topic I am just sceptical. The same people who believe pedophiles can curb the urges chemically many years ago there were people believed homosexuality was a disorder that can be treated with medicine/ psychology etc.

I am NOT comparing pedophiles with gay people.
An individuals preferences or attraction cant be altered.
I feel bad for saying this but pedophiles can't be helped.

The pedophiles who engage in these rehabilation programmes i am very sceptical. I feel like they use the programme to hide their behaviour and make people believe they are harmless.

This is how they can continue to do the abuse just find new ways to get away with it

The human mind is very complex maybe one day we will understand why people think and behave the way they do.

 

[motel rooms]

i was sexually abused by 6 members of my family, passed around like a blunt, i went from one bad situation to another through life blocking it all out. i never had a childhood, i never stood a chance. my parents are dead and my brother killed himself, none of them plus others were ever held accountable, infact my mother blamed me. ive wanted to die since before i started school, tbh i dont even know how im still here, unfortunate.

I'm so sorry

 

[demuic]

Isn't it odd?
Everything in modern society is heavily regulated: You need a permission to build a house or to drive a car, there are noise regulations that prohibit you from doing what you want on your own property, yet every goon can (and does) procreate. If you timidly propose that some regulation, however slight, might be in order, you will be branded an eugenicist in an outcry of outrage.
Somehow, demanding that something as serious as creating a new human being is held to a certain standard seems to cross a line.
Apparently everyone is entitled to offspring, but not to housing, food, health service or other vital resources that are essential for every human being once it exists.
Why?
Housing, food, health service etc. require money, whereas everyone can make a child for free. Hence, many people don't oppose mindless procreation, since it doesn't cost them; only when the child thus conceived begins to make demands does it becomes a nuisance.
Luckily, most people in modern society have erected a wall of ignorance which prevents them from being bothered by other people's problems, even if these might have negative consequences for themselves in the future.
What about abusive and mentally ill parents?
"Well, that's not my problem!" they say, until it is and the child becomes a criminal, a homeless or simply a society dropout.
Luckily, these aren't real problems:
Criminals will rot in prison, irrespective of the circumstances getting them there; what's the point of investing in people early in life if you can simply punish them once things take a wrong turn later on?
As long as the homeless don't hang out in your favourite park, they are of no bother, and if the society dropout doesn't use up too many resources, he can be easily ignored as well.
Either way, if people don't like the life they have been gifted, they can simply kill themselves; it's that simple!
It is far more important to preserve the essential right of procreation; God forbid that the human race might go extinct!
Von Linné revealed a delicious sense of humour in branding humans "homo sapiens sapiens".

[I apologise for this diatribe, but any kind of child abuse makes me extremely angry.]

I completely agree.

I don't understand why it's considered completely outrageous to suggest the fact that anyone can have a child if they want is responsible for countless amounts of suffering in the world.

It's disgusting how easily abusers get off in our society. The effects of sexual abuse are absolutely crippling and even more so on a child yet our society continually refuses to acknowledge this and brush things under the rug while giving the appearance of being caring. It's the hypocrisy and two faced nature of society i hate the most.

 

[TheAmazingCriswell]

The effects of sexual abuse are absolutely crippling and even more so on a child yet our society continually refuses to acknowledge this and brush things under the rug while giving the appearance of being caring.

Society only begins to care when the damage is done, if at all. Instead of barring barring people who are severely unfit to procreate from doing so and doing everything possible to prevent unwanted childbirths, society only steps in once the child is traumatised.

 

[Weary Soul]

I have always thought that people who want to become parents should be required to get a license with extensive training and vetting prior to procreation. I am not one for governmental interference with more rules to confine me or a group of people trying to control my life, but in this case and from my own experience? To me it is more than needed - the damage that CSA/CA causes is life changing in a terrible way. Overt or covert abuse of children is terrible. Period.

I have taken a lot of heat for suggesting this in the past, but it baffles me that we are required to get a license for so many innocuous things, such as driving, hunting, fishing, etc., ad nauseum. So I do not understand why people are not required to get a license to protect the most fragile of us as they are developing into adults. This is a horrific cycle that needs to end IMO.

Life can be hard enough outside the home - why this is allowed to go on in the home without proactive training on the devastating effects caused by this (ie, actions are only taken sometimes when CSA or CA occur after the fact)? (Also please know, I am older so maybe things have changed since my experiences - I do not know).

And I agree @MaybeSoon. Prior research (I am not sure about current research but this used to be well known so I am not going to site sources), has shown that many of those abused as a child cannot break the cycle and will then also become predators of children once they become adults. It is a viscous cycle and heartbreaking. Not only does the cycle continue, they cannot stop. Recidivism among pedophiles is well known. That is why (I believe) that we now have Megan's law which requires sex offenders to carry this label for life. While I think Megan's Law may be a step in the right direction, it is not nearly enough. I am a "sympathizer" in the sense that that both predators (those who were abused themselves and cannot stop) and victims need help. Otherwise, this will not end.

I am so sorry to hear that so many here have faced this kind of abuse. You are not victims or survivors, you are warriors!

<3

 

[motel rooms]

Prior research (I am not sure about current research but this used to be well known so I am not going to site sources), has shown that many of those abused as a child cannot break the cycle and will then also become predators of children once they become adults

Even more sexually abused boys will continue to suffer as victims of all kinds of abuse as adults

 

[Weary Soul]

Even more sexually abused boys will continue to suffer as victims of all kinds of abuse as adults

Yup - totally agree.

I can only speak for myself and my own experiences, but I totally agree with what you wrote and it is heartbreaking. That is why there MUST be change IMO.

Even though I knew as an adult that I had suffered as a child in horrific ways and also knew to watch for the "red flags" in others to make sure I did not repeat history. I still fell into that trap of marrying someone like those in my abusive family.

I was so sure I knew better - huge mistake. My ex is the one who almost killed me via assaults and why I am now permanently damaged.

IME, the damage done by CSA/CA can be so insidious that it can set people up for a lifetime of more abuse just like you wrote above, even when people realize what was done and try not to allow it to impact their life further (at least in my experience).

-.-

That is one of the reasons I am grateful that you posted that link. The silence and taboo around this must be stopped.

 

[motel rooms]

IME, the damage done by CSA/CA can be so insidious that it can set people up for a lifetime of more abuse just like you wrote above, even when people realize what was done and try not to allow it to impact their life further (at least in my experience).

The problem is that the "rational part" of the mind is tiny & feeble compared to the ocean that is our unconscious. Trauma poisons that ocean, affecting our emotions & behaviors in all kinds of unexpected toxic ways...

 

[Weary Soul]

The problem is that the "rational part" of the mind is tiny & feeble compared to the ocean that is our unconscious. Trauma poisons that ocean, affecting our emotions & behaviors in all kinds of unexpected toxic ways...

That is the most excellent way I have ever heard of describing the power of the unconscious. Oceans are such powerful entities, with those quiet riptides taking many away. Trauma IS poison, one of the most toxic there is IMO.

 

[noname223]

I was physically abused by my parents. Destroyed my life and brain utterly. I will just force me to ctb.
I had never a chance in life. Everything is ruined.
Why do you want to leave this forum? Ctb or recovery?

 

[motel rooms]

Why do you want to leave this forum?

I've found my method. I don't want to get too attached to anyone on here

 

[motel rooms]

Spot on. We need lessons and exams and interviews to drive a car or get a job or grow up but not to bring a human being into the world? What?

I'm also a victim of CSA here but the main issue is that my parents didn't help me deal with the issue even though I told them about it and I ended up hating myself thinking that the CSA made me gay. Nobody in my "family" helped me.

I'm sorry for what happened to you & that I forgot to reply to many of the posts on this thread
You might find this article helpful -

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...al-disorientation-male-sexual-abuse-survivors