Story Childhood abuse study

[Buddyluv19]

Such a good question! :-)

Usually I go with my instincts. And past performance! If someone has done something particularly spiteful and they've had it pointed out to them over and over and they carry on doing it you know they don't much care to change. It's like apologising - I think saying 'sorry' should mean you acknowledge you have done something that has hurt someone and you will reflect and amend your behaviour.

I think this is where boundaries come into play as you have to protect yourself from people who behave badly. I believe in trusting people as much as possible and giving people as many chances as possible but there HAS to be a point when you set a boundary and say there has to be a change or a consequence.

Yes. I understand. And that presumes that you are able to confront someone who is repeatedly offending you. Now, they may not mean to offend you, but at least if you ask them to stop it there is a chance. They may not stop, and that is the boundary.

I have to say, it works A LOT better when you're an adult and not dependent on the offender for survival. The problem for me is that I put up with a lot of crap under the guise that it was 'family'. Bad idea. Boundaries, it seems now, are even MORE important with family members who tend to be more difficult to simply avoid.

Now, back to forgiveness. It sounds like you've really got a handle on that. For me, it's more difficult to forgive in the case where I have an expectation of that person. That's a problem, I admit. I have no pat answer for that one.

 

[JustAboutDone]

I have to say, it works A LOT better when you're an adult and not dependent on the offender for survival.

The problem for me is that I put up with a lot of crap under the guise that it was 'family'. Bad idea. Boundaries, it seems now, are even MORE important with family members who tend to be more difficult to simply avoid.

Now, back to forgiveness. It sounds like you've really got a handle on that. For me, it's more difficult to forgive in the case where I have an expectation of that person. That's a problem, I admit. I have no pat answer for that one.

The one particular thing my psychiatrist said that did interested me was that it's very difficult to recover from ptsd from childhood if you are still in touch with the perpetrators.

I couldn't agree more; it's taken me a long time to learn to clearly define what I consider to be acceptable treatment of me by my family and to not allow the same childhood bullying to continue. If they want to see me they must treat me kindly - or not see me.

 

[JustAboutDone]

Now, back to forgiveness. It sounds like you've really got a handle on that. For me, it's more difficult to forgive in the case where I have an expectation of that person. That's a problem, I admit. I have no pat answer for that one.

I don't know that I have a handle on it! I think I'm very very lucky in that part of my personality is forgiving. I have so many flaws that sometimes I think thank goodness I don't hold grudges or feel anger for long as it would probably destroy me given my nature.

Having said that, sometimes the people who are fired up and do feel bitter and aggrieved can use that positively to move forward and make great changes for themselves and others so it's such a personal thing.

 

[Final Escape]

This is the thing, isn't it. Childhood abuse affects your whole life and every decision you make and you don't know it until you are much older. You also, often, grow up not knowing how to have a future or make a plan because your whole childhood is centred round pure survival. You simply exist on a day to day basis with no help or support and you grow up with a completely different set of responses to situations to other people.

Yes this is what happens. The complications just grow over time as u make stupid life decisions still carrying the baggage from your childhood, unless u get help. Good luck with that though lol! You have to find self therapy techniques these days. The past authoring program by Jordan Peterson is one way you can revisit to process the past. Basically u keep rewriting out the difficult parts of your history until u no longer feel triggered. When you write it out it helps process and make sense of the past but be prepared for discomfort and short period of crying afterwards.