Venting Chicken out

[MediaRiley]

I was planning and fully on board with ctb this weekend for WEEKS now. So I've gone no contact with family and friends, stopped caring about college, my future in general, spent all my money. And now I'm having second thoughts. Maybe not necessarily second thoughts, I still want to, but I'm definitely scared. I still want to go through with it but I don't know if I should wait until I'm not scared? Should I just wait until I feel numb again? I'll be drunk so I probably won't be scared when it actually happens but I don't know.

 

[chuerdhmproton]

That's normal, I've gone through exact same scenario myself more than once

 

[Jealous Blackheart]

What's going to be your method?

 

[Chronicoverwhelm]

Some events have come about in my life that I was waiting for to happen before CTB. Now that the time to CTB is in the very near future and it seems more real.... I'm terrified. I'm just going to focus on getting into the same mindset that I was in when I attempted CTB years ago.

 

[carnivalforone]

depending on the method it can be more passive so much that its painless and even peaceful do more research or weigh your thoughts in a different way. either way good luck

 

[dogemn]

I was planning and fully on board with ctb this weekend for WEEKS now. So I've gone no contact with family and friends, stopped caring about college, my future in general, spent all my money. And now I'm having second thoughts. Maybe not necessarily second thoughts, I still want to, but I'm definitely scared. I still want to go through with it but I don't know if I should wait until I'm not scared? Should I just wait until I feel numb again? I'll be drunk so I probably won't be scared when it actually happens but I don't know.

I understand how you feel, being afraid of death is obviously very common. You don't have to do it if you don't truly want to, because that feeling of regret and wishing you hadn't done it when it's too late to go back must be the worst.

 

[FuneralCry]

After all I believe that only you know when the time is right for you to leave, suicide just isn't straightforward after all even if one has the option of a method all planned out. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[d3j3ct3dl0s3r05]

Yeah I sorta had the same thing happen too. I was ready to go and had all of my materials and room reservation in place but got somewhat freaked out by the permanency of death and decided to give myself "one last chance" at life or something. Still don't know if that was a good idea or not honestly

 

[IWishToDie]

don't know if that was a good idea or not honestly

Well, how are your thoughts these days? Any changes?

 

[ScubaCTB]

I was planning and fully on board with ctb this weekend for WEEKS now. So I've gone no contact with family and friends, stopped caring about college, my future in general, spent all my money. And now I'm having second thoughts. Maybe not necessarily second thoughts, I still want to, but I'm definitely scared. I still want to go through with it but I don't know if I should wait until I'm not scared? Should I just wait until I feel numb again? I'll be drunk so I probably won't be scared when it actually happens but I don't know.

There's no way to NOT be scared. CTB = death = the unknown. I just want anything except this world. Hell can't even be this bad.

Just my two cents: you sound very unsure and should wait at least a year, especially if you're young. I can tell you with my chest out that I hate this world, I hate myself, I'm a loser, and I will be dead in a few weeks. You should set a date a year from now, January 4, 2025. If you still feel there is no hope at that point, then maybe I'll see you on the other side around that time.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

There's no way to NOT be scared. CTB = death = the unknown. I just want anything except this world. Hell can't even be this bad.

Just my two cents: you sound very unsure and should wait at least a year, especially if you're young. I can tell you with my chest out that I hate this world, I hate myself, I'm a loser, and I will be dead in a few weeks. You should set a date a year from now, January 4, 2025. If you still feel there is no hope at that point, then maybe I'll see you on the other side around that time.

Same. Being scared is natural. Also agree with the giving yourself time part as well.
Would suggest to learn how to be self-aware so you can accurately gauge if CTB is really what you want or not. The self-awareness bit is, for me, important, because it will help you decide if things you feel may be temporary or you're certain of the fact.

 

[trappedmamma]

This just happened to me. I made the plan two days ago for tomorrow morning. Was going to go to the woods and partially hang. Now I'm having second thoughts. Even though I know it's best that I go. I've hurt too many people and things will just get worse the longer I'm here. I'm just so tired.