Tazmaniac
Member
- Aug 6, 2019
- 53
I need to clear a few things up for some of you. You found me rude and insulting...without knowing a single thing about me, you judged me, called me names (under a different name) and didn't like my bluntness.
When you have walked a mile in my shoes...then you have the absolute right to judge me. When you get out of your selfish bubble, and look at someone else's pain, besides your own, then you have the right to decide who I am.
I came here to find someone to talk to that even came close to understanding, I ended up in a group of people, who by my estimate, where the average age doesn't even meet the legal age to be in here. You know how to live all of 10-20 years (not all of you, but most of you) the majority of you live at home with mommy and daddy who pay for everything you eat, wear and sleep on. They pay for all your electronics...they pay all the bills.
When you have experienced life in ways you don't even have a clue about...come back and judge.
A few of you have decided that I don't act or speak the way YOU want me too. You come in here and want everyone else to accept YOU for who YOU are...but by god...let another person experience their pain in the way they want to...you want to attack and judge, call names.
I was really hoping that when I posted my countdown, that you would get creative and ask all the questions you have about someone who has made the final decision, your in here asking thousands of questions...I was offering you the opportunity to ask. You go through the same cycle of wishing the person well...get pissed! say what you want to, ask questions...your never going to know if you don't ask.
You missed the chance to pick the mind of someone who has lived the pain you live, someone who found a way to survive 54 years with that pain...you couldn't get out of your own head for 10 minutes for someone else. You prove my point. Maybe some of you should try getting angry, start saying what you feel, hit back at the people who impose this shitty existence on you...having friends is overrated.
Circumstances have changed for me and I will be accelerating my time frame. I had chosen betweenness 10 and midnight on the 9th, but i won't make it that long.
I'm going to self ban in the morning, spend the day finishing up final details, short notes and eating my favorite foods. I hope some of you will ask any questions that you want to know, except for explicit details on method.
If I've offended you, I hope you understand that given the situation...and these are my last few hours, with all due respect...get over it for a few minutes.
What you don't know about me:
I had 2 parents, 4 brothers and a deceased sister. I had a 30 yr old daughter. I lost all of them last September to a CO accident, that's why I've chosen it as my method, besides it seems the most peaceful and least violent.
I've lost two life long best friends. I had to euthanize my cat a few months ago, I lost my job in January and now everyone wants what I owe them.
Very few of you understand the concept of "alone", if you did you wouldn't judge someone else.
I fell in love after I thought it was impossible, I was lied to and used in the meanest ways.
The one person, who I consider a brother, that I did not ever question would offer me a hand up...told me he didn't care if I lived or died...if he doesn't care, I SURE don't care!
I don't care about shit anymore, or anyone...one of the great side effects of dying. Probably where you see attitude, very liberating in ways that I cannot explain...to not care at all. Say anything you want to.
From what I read, most of you still have people who love and care about you, what happens to you. Most of you are intelligent, excellent writers, and so full of hope and love...grab hold of that, make it your life. Find something you love to do and immerse yourselves, share your dreams with anyone who will listen. Stand up for what you believe in, no matter what other people think.
Be compassionate, kind and giving..even when you don't want to be. If there is ONE person in this shitty world that you love...tell them today, you don't know the power of your words, and you might change someone else's life.
Stop believing that you have to be a fucked up mess, to justify dying. I'm not a fucked up mess, I've done selfless acts for other people, I've changed other people's lives. I've donated more time and money to causes I believe in than I've donated to my own bank account.
No, you don't get to judge me based on a few posts in my final days. You don't have the right to judge anything about me.
I understand the need for this forum, the need for people to unite and talk about what no one else will let you talk about, feel whatever you need to feel. I understand weather your 15 or 51...these rooms, these discussions, need to exist.
You guys are in charge of, have the responsibility of, keeping these rooms safe and a port in the storm for all who seek shelter here.
If someone rubs you the wrong way, try to understand where it's coming from...ask questions, find out what is making that person angry, chances are it's years and years of unheard pain, and sometimes that's the only way we know how to get the attention we need. Be tolerant and compassionate...it equates personal growth.
It's 11:15 here and I have less than 24 hours. Free at last.
When you have walked a mile in my shoes...then you have the absolute right to judge me. When you get out of your selfish bubble, and look at someone else's pain, besides your own, then you have the right to decide who I am.
I came here to find someone to talk to that even came close to understanding, I ended up in a group of people, who by my estimate, where the average age doesn't even meet the legal age to be in here. You know how to live all of 10-20 years (not all of you, but most of you) the majority of you live at home with mommy and daddy who pay for everything you eat, wear and sleep on. They pay for all your electronics...they pay all the bills.
When you have experienced life in ways you don't even have a clue about...come back and judge.
A few of you have decided that I don't act or speak the way YOU want me too. You come in here and want everyone else to accept YOU for who YOU are...but by god...let another person experience their pain in the way they want to...you want to attack and judge, call names.
I was really hoping that when I posted my countdown, that you would get creative and ask all the questions you have about someone who has made the final decision, your in here asking thousands of questions...I was offering you the opportunity to ask. You go through the same cycle of wishing the person well...get pissed! say what you want to, ask questions...your never going to know if you don't ask.
You missed the chance to pick the mind of someone who has lived the pain you live, someone who found a way to survive 54 years with that pain...you couldn't get out of your own head for 10 minutes for someone else. You prove my point. Maybe some of you should try getting angry, start saying what you feel, hit back at the people who impose this shitty existence on you...having friends is overrated.
Circumstances have changed for me and I will be accelerating my time frame. I had chosen betweenness 10 and midnight on the 9th, but i won't make it that long.
I'm going to self ban in the morning, spend the day finishing up final details, short notes and eating my favorite foods. I hope some of you will ask any questions that you want to know, except for explicit details on method.
If I've offended you, I hope you understand that given the situation...and these are my last few hours, with all due respect...get over it for a few minutes.
What you don't know about me:
I had 2 parents, 4 brothers and a deceased sister. I had a 30 yr old daughter. I lost all of them last September to a CO accident, that's why I've chosen it as my method, besides it seems the most peaceful and least violent.
I've lost two life long best friends. I had to euthanize my cat a few months ago, I lost my job in January and now everyone wants what I owe them.
Very few of you understand the concept of "alone", if you did you wouldn't judge someone else.
I fell in love after I thought it was impossible, I was lied to and used in the meanest ways.
The one person, who I consider a brother, that I did not ever question would offer me a hand up...told me he didn't care if I lived or died...if he doesn't care, I SURE don't care!
I don't care about shit anymore, or anyone...one of the great side effects of dying. Probably where you see attitude, very liberating in ways that I cannot explain...to not care at all. Say anything you want to.
From what I read, most of you still have people who love and care about you, what happens to you. Most of you are intelligent, excellent writers, and so full of hope and love...grab hold of that, make it your life. Find something you love to do and immerse yourselves, share your dreams with anyone who will listen. Stand up for what you believe in, no matter what other people think.
Be compassionate, kind and giving..even when you don't want to be. If there is ONE person in this shitty world that you love...tell them today, you don't know the power of your words, and you might change someone else's life.
Stop believing that you have to be a fucked up mess, to justify dying. I'm not a fucked up mess, I've done selfless acts for other people, I've changed other people's lives. I've donated more time and money to causes I believe in than I've donated to my own bank account.
No, you don't get to judge me based on a few posts in my final days. You don't have the right to judge anything about me.
I understand the need for this forum, the need for people to unite and talk about what no one else will let you talk about, feel whatever you need to feel. I understand weather your 15 or 51...these rooms, these discussions, need to exist.
You guys are in charge of, have the responsibility of, keeping these rooms safe and a port in the storm for all who seek shelter here.
If someone rubs you the wrong way, try to understand where it's coming from...ask questions, find out what is making that person angry, chances are it's years and years of unheard pain, and sometimes that's the only way we know how to get the attention we need. Be tolerant and compassionate...it equates personal growth.
It's 11:15 here and I have less than 24 hours. Free at last.
