I get that question quite a bit on here. "Why are you on here when you don't want to ctb?" I always tell people that I leave it up for them to speculate.
Ok, for a laugh I'll take the bait and speculate.
So, based on the couple of threads of yours that I read recently about you:
- You're not suicidal
- You're content with your life(I think you said you're ~80% content with life)
- You have a partner/family/friends who you get on with
- You're doing well financially.
- This is the only social media site you frequent.
Based on the above, the potential reasons you looked up this suicide website in the first place are:
1) You're lying about not being suicidal
2) You're in denial
3) You have a strange kink about hanging out with people who plan on ctb'ing.
4) You don't really have other friends/a partner, and are just fantasising about that. So you're just lonely and bored.
5) You're either A.I. or an undercover prolifer/journalist