chain reaction

[iDesireDeath]

i could absolutely die if i have/want/need to but i am afraid it would start a chain reaction in my family.

i am currently at my hostel room which is thousands of kilometers away from my hometown. if i die, it would take my mother more than three days to reach my place. but, it is very likely that she might also commit suicide if she got to know that i killed myself, if my mother commits suicide, it is very likely that my grandparents would do it too. this is hell.

 

[savory]

That does sounds utterly frightening and paralyzing to consider I have no helpful words however I sympathize with having to grapple with the fact suicide will have some negative impact on those you leave behind. Its why I kind of do hope my suicide is done impulsively, I won't be ruminating on the consequences.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

Yeah. My dad is such a good guy. He worked his life away providing for his family. Mom divorced him after 25 years. 2/4 sons are opioid addicts. Another one occasionally blacks out on fent when the others share. Then there's me, suicidally depressed. He's tired. He only still works because we need him to. My death would make any kind of "golden years" impossible.