I am currently reading Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace.
"That certain persons simply will not like you no matter what you do." is a quote.
I think there is so much wisdom and truth in it.
You meet people with some your click instantly. In some instanes it is very one-sided.
Like my (literally) insane obsession with the STEM professor I met. I often make people laugh with irony and witty humor. But for him it was all bullshit. My analyses were superficial to him. Porbably media narratives. He could play me like an instrument.
He was extremely down to earth. I wish I was like that. And I wish I was that intelligent. But if I was that intelligent I would not care as much about intelligence. No matter what I did he did not like me. I could not do anything. He hated my pathology to make predictions all time. My quirk seemingly is to do predictions all the time. And his quirk was to hate this behavior. Maybe he did not hate me this much. I think I tend to ambiguity intolerance. He also alluded to that. (In contrast to my therapists they never saw it lol.) For a long time I self-loathed me for his judgement. I realized I think he really pitied me. If you are that smart you don't judge people in a clinic and it was obvious something very bad happened to me. He asked me what happened and I stayed quiet.
I think I could have gained some sympathy points if I told him my abuse story. But I think this would have been inappropriate.
I cannot think of more examples. I cannot interact with women without getting paranoid. And I get a lot of sympathy points for people who listen to my abuse story. Well I had a crush on a transwoman and became paranoid. She probably considered me insane and I felt extremely ashamed. I had a benzo withdrawal and it made my pain so much worse. It was an extreme nightmare. It was like panick attacks all the time. It was really insane.
"That certain persons simply will not like you no matter what you do." is a quote.
I think there is so much wisdom and truth in it.
You meet people with some your click instantly. In some instanes it is very one-sided.
Like my (literally) insane obsession with the STEM professor I met. I often make people laugh with irony and witty humor. But for him it was all bullshit. My analyses were superficial to him. Porbably media narratives. He could play me like an instrument.
He was extremely down to earth. I wish I was like that. And I wish I was that intelligent. But if I was that intelligent I would not care as much about intelligence. No matter what I did he did not like me. I could not do anything. He hated my pathology to make predictions all time. My quirk seemingly is to do predictions all the time. And his quirk was to hate this behavior. Maybe he did not hate me this much. I think I tend to ambiguity intolerance. He also alluded to that. (In contrast to my therapists they never saw it lol.) For a long time I self-loathed me for his judgement. I realized I think he really pitied me. If you are that smart you don't judge people in a clinic and it was obvious something very bad happened to me. He asked me what happened and I stayed quiet.
I think I could have gained some sympathy points if I told him my abuse story. But I think this would have been inappropriate.
I cannot think of more examples. I cannot interact with women without getting paranoid. And I get a lot of sympathy points for people who listen to my abuse story. Well I had a crush on a transwoman and became paranoid. She probably considered me insane and I felt extremely ashamed. I had a benzo withdrawal and it made my pain so much worse. It was an extreme nightmare. It was like panick attacks all the time. It was really insane.
