Thanks, but yeah, I am 100% ready like i said i have been trying this whole year and complete failure each time i need to do full suspension even if it is painfl i just hav enot money and nothing to hold my weight and barely any privacy.
Right, can't control everything. When I was in my teens, living with my folks and very suicidal, I'd sneak out at night looking for a good, secluded place to die. Didn't find a good enough spot, obviously, but you can do that kind of reconnaissance when you're out doing normal things during the day. Look for spots a little bit out of the way, see if there's a tree or an abandoned building or even an alleyway with poor lighting, and make a note. Swing back to check on promising spots when it's getting dark or early in the morning before people are up. If you've got enough privacy and seclusion in any spot to test setting up a rope, that's promising. See if you can stake it out for half an hour one night, and if anyone would see you there.
You can do a lot of that kind of recon without raising suspicion, and even if you don't go through with it, a lot of people find peace in having a good plan, and knowing they can go out any time they want. I'd focus on that, if I were you. Doesn't sound like you can do anything about your shitty situation, but if you do something you can control, like putting together a suicide plan, that might help you feel better. And if it doesn't... well, you have a plan put together, which will help you succeed in going through with it.
