wildbluekiss
i suffer from major depression with psychosis
- Jan 22, 2024
- 68
missed you all, really. feels like home logging in again. i've been out of here for like, a week, eh, not really.
3-5 days ago i logged myself out from sasu because my ex wanted to spend 'his month' with me being by his side and enjoy my time. be happy. stay alive. eat a lot. whatever
today is his birthday. february 9th. and after i celebrated this day with him hours ago, i feel hollow again.
it feels like 'mission accomplished' kind of scenarios. a 'now-what?' scene.
and i went spiral again after we're done talking. i feel real tired right now. well, today is what i've been looking forward to days before. now that it's done, i—again—have nothing left to look forward to. but i can't ruin the mood, the atmosphere too early, so i need to keep my composure before i fleet away just as always from his sight.
i just feel kind of bitter. i held myself up even just for 3-5 days. to be 'normal' in society perspective. having a 'healthy' relationship (yeah he's my ex, but actually we've been friends and still 'love' each other genuinely). and now i'm back.
after all, this is something you couldn't just turn on and off, right. my naivety thought i could get better instantly. not the first time. been like this for years. of course i'd be back sooner or later. haha
3-5 days ago i logged myself out from sasu because my ex wanted to spend 'his month' with me being by his side and enjoy my time. be happy. stay alive. eat a lot. whatever
today is his birthday. february 9th. and after i celebrated this day with him hours ago, i feel hollow again.
it feels like 'mission accomplished' kind of scenarios. a 'now-what?' scene.
and i went spiral again after we're done talking. i feel real tired right now. well, today is what i've been looking forward to days before. now that it's done, i—again—have nothing left to look forward to. but i can't ruin the mood, the atmosphere too early, so i need to keep my composure before i fleet away just as always from his sight.
i just feel kind of bitter. i held myself up even just for 3-5 days. to be 'normal' in society perspective. having a 'healthy' relationship (yeah he's my ex, but actually we've been friends and still 'love' each other genuinely). and now i'm back.
after all, this is something you couldn't just turn on and off, right. my naivety thought i could get better instantly. not the first time. been like this for years. of course i'd be back sooner or later. haha
