Venting cbt date got forcefully delayed and I am fucking desperate

[ecmnesia]

this is hell. i want to runaway and just do it anyway. i had everything ready. i felt in such peace and now I will once again have to wait.

i hate this. i hate being here. i just want to go. why is it that everything is constantly stopping me? why can't I leave?

 

[StateOfMind]

I believe Salvador Dalí once said "Artists are not allowed to die".
Are you an artist?

Edit: Found it " When you are a genius, you do not have the right to die, because we are necessary for the progress of humanity. "

 

[Symbiote]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain and you want to leave badly. I thought I had to delay mine yesterday because my truck wouldn't start up, but got it working thanks to Autozone. Just hope it can make the trip without dying out on the highway.

 

[grungeCat]

I feel exactly the same! I want to leave but something is stopping me constantly. My life is shit, I don't have friends, I don't have girlfriend, I'm dumb & poor, I'm addicted to alcohol and drugs yet I can't ctb. I have means to go away peacefully but I cannot make that final step. It's so fucking annoying.

 

[botanormal]

That's such a painful situation to be in, I'm so sorry. Is there any way you can ctb anyways? Nothing else should be able to influence your date but you, so it being forced back is the worst thing, I really feel for you. I hope you can find your peace soon, it's so terrible things like this can happen.

 

[ecmnesia]

I believe Salvador Dalí once said "Artists are not allowed to die".
Are you an artist?

Edit: Found it " When you are a genius, you do not have the right to die, because we are necessary for the progress of humanity. "

i wouldn't say so. unfortunately i am nothing but a waste of space and resources.

although, pain seems to be always accompanied by some degree of art, even if you are not an artist yourself.

That's such a painful situation to be in, I'm so sorry. Is there any way you can ctb anyways? Nothing else should be able to influence your date but you, so it being forced back is the worst thing, I really feel for you. I hope you can find your peace soon, it's so terrible things like this can happen.

only if I runaway from home and disappear, that would be hard and a more painful way to say goodbye, but honestly, i am so tired and frustrated and desperate that i might do it anyway.

 

[StuFin]

Salvador Dali: Intelligence without ambition is like a bird without wings.

I guess I'm a Moa.

 

[sadworld]

I hope you'll be able to find peace soon Good luck

 

[Ghost2211]

Sorry to hear your plans got disrupted. I can imagine how frustrating that is. I hope things get sorted out for you soon.

 

[Ulisses]

we're in the same boat. Whenever I think I'll make it, an obstacle appears. this pandemic does not help at all unfortunately

 

[ecmnesia]

the hardest thing now it's managing my impulses in order to not fuck this chance up.

as much as I hate to, i have to suck it up and wait for the right time. pretty ironic that i am having such difficulty when i keep saying to everyone around here how they should not rush things.

thanks for the heartwarming replies guys. this forum is the only thing that still gives me strength to hold on.

 

[StateOfMind]

thanks for the heartwarming replies guys. this forum is the only thing that still gives me strength to hold on.

If you know you want to die and have a plan (not impulsive etc) that might not be good thing..
Humans like most animals need real life contacts.
Sometimes it feels SS is prolonging my life in the form of a distraction from ctb.
But only I'm to blame for making more posts instead of just ending it lol

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

If you know you want to die and have a plan (not impulsive etc) that might not be good thing..
Humans like most animals need real life contacts.
Sometimes it feels SS is prolonging my life in the form of a distraction from ctb.
But only I'm to blame for making more posts instead of just ending it lol

This site is literally the only thing in my life that puts a smile on my face, at least sometimes.

 

[Time to fly]

the hardest thing now it's managing my impulses in order to not fuck this chance up.

as much as I hate to, i have to suck it up and wait for the right time. pretty ironic that i am having such difficulty when i keep saying to everyone around here how they should not rush things.

thanks for the heartwarming replies guys. this forum is the only thing that still gives me strength to hold on.

Really sorry to hear this as I have been following your journey, from a selfish point of view and I'm sure a lot who speak to you on here feel the same, I'm kind of glad you are still here...at the same time I would like you to get the peace you desire...maybe its just postponing the bus ride for a little longer...stay safe brother...your SS family are here...

 

[ecmnesia]

Sometimes it feels SS is prolonging my life in the form of a distraction from ctb.

sometimes I feel that too. but i don't think that's a bad thing.

I've been by myself since always and it's so good to finally belong somewhere, even if we all don't know each other. It's not that I will give up on cbt, but it's a relief to know that I can count on a community to support while I am still here. We all deserve to feel embraced, even if it's only temporary.

Personally, i will miss this place and you guys a lot when its all over, and it pains me to see so many kind people leaving and struggling, but at the same time I am glad that you will achieve peace.