Dont read if you are easily disgusted.
I woke up at 3.30am, my stomach was rumbling all the time. And when i wnet to lie and pushed my sphincter a tiny bit, its like a flood of shit came out. I suppose something inside me broke would be a reasonable guess. I went to a hospital and they basically told me to come back if my stomach hurts so much its unbearable. Surprisingly it doesnt hurt that much now but it feels funky and rumbly and i feel like my sphincters are barely holding together. Nausea etc. sometimes pain in my back. I spent months chasing diagnoses for my endless health problems and this is where it got me, nowhere. They are bullshitting again and guesssing some kind of infection, it could be a combination or any of the gastrological, urological or neurological reasons, since i had those problems first. I have a drawer with 50 different medicine from endless doctor visitsand i dont even know what to do. Im tired, so tired. I barely eat or drink. Since its the may holidays its literally impossible to try getting a hang of doctors. I could write about it endlessly, but ill just say i often had dreams which seemed to come true. And i still remember 3 dreams: having some kind of catherer in my dick, some doctor shouting why i came so late, and the worst one where i was in a wheelchair like some kind of vegetable. Looks like im going to hell and future came for me. I dont know how to kill myself under these circumstances. I cant think and im going to get a mental breakdown soon, but ill probably die first.
Beware of what the future holds for you. I could have avoided all this i had years of time. Everything is falling apart and its the end of days for me. If i disappear it probably means im gone or worse things than death happened. So consider this my goodbye while i can still say it.
I woke up at 3.30am, my stomach was rumbling all the time. And when i wnet to lie and pushed my sphincter a tiny bit, its like a flood of shit came out. I suppose something inside me broke would be a reasonable guess. I went to a hospital and they basically told me to come back if my stomach hurts so much its unbearable. Surprisingly it doesnt hurt that much now but it feels funky and rumbly and i feel like my sphincters are barely holding together. Nausea etc. sometimes pain in my back. I spent months chasing diagnoses for my endless health problems and this is where it got me, nowhere. They are bullshitting again and guesssing some kind of infection, it could be a combination or any of the gastrological, urological or neurological reasons, since i had those problems first. I have a drawer with 50 different medicine from endless doctor visitsand i dont even know what to do. Im tired, so tired. I barely eat or drink. Since its the may holidays its literally impossible to try getting a hang of doctors. I could write about it endlessly, but ill just say i often had dreams which seemed to come true. And i still remember 3 dreams: having some kind of catherer in my dick, some doctor shouting why i came so late, and the worst one where i was in a wheelchair like some kind of vegetable. Looks like im going to hell and future came for me. I dont know how to kill myself under these circumstances. I cant think and im going to get a mental breakdown soon, but ill probably die first.
Beware of what the future holds for you. I could have avoided all this i had years of time. Everything is falling apart and its the end of days for me. If i disappear it probably means im gone or worse things than death happened. So consider this my goodbye while i can still say it.
