Hey everyone,
I'm new to this site, but I've been determined to off myself for almost a year now, and I think I've done a pretty solid amount of legwork on choosing a method. I've come to the conclusion that carbon monoxide poisoning would be the most efficient, painless method. So I've just gotta decide where to get that carbon monoxide from.
There's a few options:
1) My car's catalytic converter is busted, so I think I could potentially do the classic hose-attached-to-the-exhaust-pipe trick.
2) I work in a research lab, and I could probably swipe some formic acid and sulfuric acid without anyone noticing. (For those unfamiliar with this method, formic acid and sulfuric acid react to produce a lot of carbon monoxide.)
3) I could drive to a secluded location somewhere and burn some charcoal in my car.
I'm leaning towards the third option, personally. The first one seems sort of unreliable since I'm not sure exactly how busted my catalytic converter is, and the second one seems risky because I'd need to set up a reaction vessel, plus if I get caught stealing chemicals, I will likely end up in prison.
My plan so far is this:
1) Spend the next two weeks getting my affairs in order. My planned death date is Friday, July 20th after I'm done with work for the day because that'd maximize the time before anyone notices I'm missing.
2) Buy a charcoal grill, a bag of charcoal briquettes, and a decent lighter. Though lump charcoal is more pure, I'd prefer charcoal briquettes because lump charcoal burns out more quickly and produces more smoke (and I'd rather die from carbon monoxide, not smoke inhalation).
3) Drive to a nearby river or to a random dirt road. I'd kind of prefer the river because I plan to dispose of my laptop and phone there before I do the deed, but since it's summer and people go camping and stuff, I'm worried that there would be a higher chance of discovery. If I go with the dirt road, I'll probably just bury my laptop and phone.
4) Light the charcoal outside of the car and wait until it burns down to glowing embers.
5) Place the charcoal grill in the trunk of the car, get in, shut the trunk, take several deep breaths, fall asleep, and hopefully never wake up. (I want to do it in the trunk because it's a smaller space, plus if someone does pass by, they'll just see an empty car instead of a person lying comatose with a burning grill in the backseat, at which point they would presumably call the cops. I can also lower the backseat from the trunk, so I wouldn't be trapped if I suddenly develop an overwhelming, passionate desire to live, or if something goes wrong, like the charcoal catching something on fire.)
Concerns:
-Finding a location where I won't be interrupted is critical, because if I get interrupted, I could end up alive but with really bad brain damage from hypoxia, and that would make my life 1000% times worse. It'd be preferable to do it in the privacy of my apartment, but my room is much larger than my car, and I don't want to endanger my roommates.
-It's really important that I get rid of my laptop and phone because A) I don't really want people rifling through my search history/documents/photos/etc. after I'm gone and B) I have a friend I've discussed suicide with at length over text, and I don't want him to get fucked over for assisted suicide or something. I'm worried investigators will search the immediate area around the site of my death and find the devices. The easy solution would be to dispose of them in a separate location, but I want this plan to go as quickly as possible so I don't lose my nerve during it.
-I'm worried about timing with the charcoal. Obviously, I don't want to lock myself in my trunk with a literal fire, but I want to make sure I maximize the amount of carbon monoxide I'm inhaling, so I don't want to wait too long.
Does anyone have any feedback on my plan or any advice on how to address the concerns?
I'm new to this site, but I've been determined to off myself for almost a year now, and I think I've done a pretty solid amount of legwork on choosing a method. I've come to the conclusion that carbon monoxide poisoning would be the most efficient, painless method. So I've just gotta decide where to get that carbon monoxide from.
There's a few options:
1) My car's catalytic converter is busted, so I think I could potentially do the classic hose-attached-to-the-exhaust-pipe trick.
2) I work in a research lab, and I could probably swipe some formic acid and sulfuric acid without anyone noticing. (For those unfamiliar with this method, formic acid and sulfuric acid react to produce a lot of carbon monoxide.)
3) I could drive to a secluded location somewhere and burn some charcoal in my car.
I'm leaning towards the third option, personally. The first one seems sort of unreliable since I'm not sure exactly how busted my catalytic converter is, and the second one seems risky because I'd need to set up a reaction vessel, plus if I get caught stealing chemicals, I will likely end up in prison.
My plan so far is this:
1) Spend the next two weeks getting my affairs in order. My planned death date is Friday, July 20th after I'm done with work for the day because that'd maximize the time before anyone notices I'm missing.
2) Buy a charcoal grill, a bag of charcoal briquettes, and a decent lighter. Though lump charcoal is more pure, I'd prefer charcoal briquettes because lump charcoal burns out more quickly and produces more smoke (and I'd rather die from carbon monoxide, not smoke inhalation).
3) Drive to a nearby river or to a random dirt road. I'd kind of prefer the river because I plan to dispose of my laptop and phone there before I do the deed, but since it's summer and people go camping and stuff, I'm worried that there would be a higher chance of discovery. If I go with the dirt road, I'll probably just bury my laptop and phone.
4) Light the charcoal outside of the car and wait until it burns down to glowing embers.
5) Place the charcoal grill in the trunk of the car, get in, shut the trunk, take several deep breaths, fall asleep, and hopefully never wake up. (I want to do it in the trunk because it's a smaller space, plus if someone does pass by, they'll just see an empty car instead of a person lying comatose with a burning grill in the backseat, at which point they would presumably call the cops. I can also lower the backseat from the trunk, so I wouldn't be trapped if I suddenly develop an overwhelming, passionate desire to live, or if something goes wrong, like the charcoal catching something on fire.)
Concerns:
-Finding a location where I won't be interrupted is critical, because if I get interrupted, I could end up alive but with really bad brain damage from hypoxia, and that would make my life 1000% times worse. It'd be preferable to do it in the privacy of my apartment, but my room is much larger than my car, and I don't want to endanger my roommates.
-It's really important that I get rid of my laptop and phone because A) I don't really want people rifling through my search history/documents/photos/etc. after I'm gone and B) I have a friend I've discussed suicide with at length over text, and I don't want him to get fucked over for assisted suicide or something. I'm worried investigators will search the immediate area around the site of my death and find the devices. The easy solution would be to dispose of them in a separate location, but I want this plan to go as quickly as possible so I don't lose my nerve during it.
-I'm worried about timing with the charcoal. Obviously, I don't want to lock myself in my trunk with a literal fire, but I want to make sure I maximize the amount of carbon monoxide I'm inhaling, so I don't want to wait too long.
Does anyone have any feedback on my plan or any advice on how to address the concerns?
