FUCK IT ALL, THIS IS REALLY JUST SOMETHING ELSE. I PERSONALLY FIND THE FACT THAT WE ALL ARE CONCEIVED IN THE MANNER OF A LOTTERY TICKET TO BE REALLY UPSETTING. IS IT NOT DISTURBING THAT A GAME OF CHANCE DETERMINES IF WE WILL BE TORTURED IN HORROR OR LIVE LIFE AS HAPPY OPTIMISTS WHO DON'T SUFFER ANYWHERE NEAR AS MUCH AS OTHERS? I MEAN REALLY, WE ARE GIVEN CERTAIN CIRCUMSTANCES AND CAN DO OUR BEST TO WORK FOR THE BETTER OUTCOME BUT SOMETIMES, LIFE JUST INHIBITS OUR POSSIBILITIES AND GIVES US MUCH LESS, OR NOTHING, TO WORK WITH.
FOR SOME PEOPLE, THERE REALLY IS NO GOOD REASON TO HOLD THEM TO A HIGH STANDARD SINCE IT COULD VERY WELL JUST HURT THEM MORE. I THINK MOST DAYS, EXCEPT FOR THOSE DAYS THAT I'M SUFFICIENTLY DISTRACTED, ABOUT THE FACT THAT I'VE TRIED WITH EVERYTHING I GOT TO GET BETTER BUT HAVE ONLY GOTTEN WORSE. IT IS ALL JUST TOO MUCH AND FOR THIS, I RESENT THE NOTION THAT I COULD JUST TRY HARDER OR THAT THERE IS SOMETHING I SHOULD'VE DONE THAT COULD HAVE TIPPED THE ODDS IN MY FAVOR.
NO ONE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND QUITE EXACTLY HOW IT IS THAT MY LIFE EXPERIENCE HAS FELT AND THERE ARE NOT SUFFICIENT WORDS FOR MY VIEW TOWARDS THESE ABHORRENT AFFLICTIONS I'VE BEEN DEALT.
AS ANYONE WHO READS MY POSTS MAY KNOW, I AM NOT PLANNING ON LEAVING THIS WORLD QUITE YET BECAUSE OF CIRCUMSTANCES WHICH MAKE IT TOO DIFFICULT TO ACHIEVE, BUT I AM DEFINITELY HAVING A VERY PAINFUL LIFE AND MOST THOUGHTS THAT CROSS MY MIND ARE ON THE TOPIC OF DEATH. I STILL LOVE MUSIC, PHILOSOPHY, VIDEO GAMES, AND ART BUT I WORRY I MAY BE APPROACHING THE MORE CATATONIC PHASE OF MY DEPRESSION SINCE THE WARNING SIGNS ARE THERE. I'M NOT SURE IF ANYONE ELSE HERE CAN RELATE, BUT I WOULD DESCRIBE MYSELF AS A DEPRESSIVE PERSON RATHER THAN A PERSON WHO HAS DEPRESSION, AND I HAVE COME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT MY DEPRESSION HAS VARIOUS CYCLING PHASES, SOME OF WHICH ARE EASIER TO ENDURE BUT ULTIMATELY, ALL OF THEM HAVE THEIR MAJOR DETRIMENTS.
END OF RANT