Can’t stop thinking of the end

[Humdinger2023]

I've been actively planning how to end my life for two weeks now, after two years of intense depression. I'm unable to get out of bed today and have been focused on going through the steps to commit suicide. I plan on jumping from a bridge near my home. It's the only means I have to die, I don't see any other way. Something keeps holding me back and I've been lying here unable to go through with it. But my life is over and I have no reason to see my condition improving. Does anyone feel this type of paralysis and if so, what holds you back? How can I find the courage to get to that bridge?

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I think that describes a lot of us. Reasoning out that suicide is the best course of action while being unable to summon the necessary resolve. Violent methods like jumping off a bridge pose a particular challenge. On that note I would advise you to make sure the height is enough. Is it a "popular" suicide spot? Is there any security patrolling the area?

 

[Humdinger2023]

Thank you for your response. I didn't expect anyone to write back and it helps me to hear there are others in similar situations. I keep thinking I'll read something on this site that will give me the courage to go through with it. As for the bridge… I think it's a heavily trafficked bridge so I need to be there during off-peak hours. They are trying to build suicide barriers on the bridge because of previous deaths.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just think the reality is that after all suicide isn't straightforward to go through with, as even know we wish to die as humans we are all programmed to survive. Jumping sounds like a terrifying method to me, and I think that those who managed to succeed were so incredibly brave and courageous. There are just no easy answers as to the question, I just think that after all only the individual knows when the time is right to leave, maybe many who succeeded just got so desperate.

 

[GreenTree]

I can't get out of bed either. It's a terrible way too live. I want to hang myself but am so scared of failing. This planet and why we're here doesn't make sense.

 

[brood]

I too am contemplating falling from a bridge. I believe that I might struggle to jump so I've come up with the idea of sitting on the parapet and rocking to and fro with my back to the drop until I over ballance.

 

[Unattainable666]

I've been actively planning how to end my life for two weeks now, after two years of intense depression. I'm unable to get out of bed today and have been focused on going through the steps to commit suicide. I plan on jumping from a bridge near my home. It's the only means I have to die, I don't see any other way. Something keeps holding me back and I've been lying here unable to go through with it. But my life is over and I have no reason to see my condition improving. Does anyone feel this type of paralysis and if so, what holds you back? How can I find the courage to get to that bridge?

I understand. I've done the same thing. Since I found out my cat is dying I really have no reason to keep going. Senseless. I've been in bed all weekend, don't give a shit. Hate my life, my job, hate waking up. I've been suicidal most of my life (since I was about 15). Tried once. Obviously didn't work. I'll be going out via charcoal. Plans made have to drive 9 hours to get to my destination. I've been reading old diaries from years ago and that's all I talk about is dying. It's time. Just waiting for my cat to go first. I just want you to know you are not alone.

 

[Humdinger2023]

I just think the reality is that after all suicide isn't straightforward to go through with, as even know we wish to die as humans we are all programmed to survive. Jumping sounds like a terrifying method to me, and I think that those who managed to succeed were so incredibly brave and courageous. There are just no easy answers as to the question, I just think that after all only the individual knows when the time is right to leave, maybe many who succeeded just got so desperate.

I don't understand how I can fixate on my plan, but then I'm unable to go through with it. I keep putting it off and will read this site daily, looking for answers and the courage to make it to the bridge. I can't think of any other methods that I'd be able to pull off successfully. I no longer recognize myself in this state of depression, I'm completely lost and feel unable to return to a normal life. It seems like the right time, yet something has held me back.

I can't get out of bed either. It's a terrible way too live. I want to hang myself but am so scared of failing. This planet and why we're here doesn't make sense.

I feel your pain and understand what it's like to be in that lifeless state. I remain terrified and that's one of the reasons I'm still here. I can't figure out my existence either. Take care of yourself.

I understand. I've done the same thing. Since I found out my cat is dying I really have no reason to keep going. Senseless. I've been in bed all weekend, don't give a shit. Hate my life, my job, hate waking up. I've been suicidal most of my life (since I was about 15). Tried once. Obviously didn't work. I'll be going out via charcoal. Plans made have to drive 9 hours to get to my destination. I've been reading old diaries from years ago and that's all I talk about is dying. It's time. Just waiting for my cat to go first. I just want you to know you are not alone.

Thank you for writing back. I do feel so alone and isolated, it's painful. I'm sorry your cat is sick and near the end. I can relate to hating your life and admit that the cruelest parts of my existence are when I wake from bed, unexpectedly in the night or due to the morning noises of birds and those stirring in my household. I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up.

I too am contemplating falling from a bridge. I believe that I might struggle to jump so I've come up with the idea of sitting on the parapet and rocking to and fro with my back to the drop until I over ballance.

I've not thought of that way to make it down. I keep thinking I'll have to act fast and hurl myself towards the ledge, worried that someone will stop me. In my mind it will all happen so fast and be a quick, last moment. I can't think of any other method that will be successful.