Jarring
Member
- Dec 27, 2023
- 10
I used to pride myself on my honesty but after a few traumatic life experiences ive started lying more to save face. A first it began with white lies that could have been resolved if I dedicated time on the resolution, but a combination of anxiety and self destructive behaviour (and of course a growing mountain of lies) I've dug myself a 12 foot hole that I cannot escape.
In the eyes of the people around me my life is almost perfect and I'm doing amazing and althought that may have been partly true just 2 years ago I am now close to all my lies maturing and now there is literally nothing I can do.
I cannot stand the fact that I will dissapoint everyone around me, its overwhelming and it has been eating me for the longest time.
I cant even open up to anyone anymore, when I meet new people I just feel like an actor to prepetuate the lifestyle and person I used to be but because of a mix of events in my personal life, self destruction and refusal to ask and accept help from anyone I;m on the highway to shame.
I am am truly running out of coping mechanisms and the fact that soon I may have to be honest about my true sitiuation is really making me want to dissapear.
In the eyes of the people around me my life is almost perfect and I'm doing amazing and althought that may have been partly true just 2 years ago I am now close to all my lies maturing and now there is literally nothing I can do.
I cannot stand the fact that I will dissapoint everyone around me, its overwhelming and it has been eating me for the longest time.
I cant even open up to anyone anymore, when I meet new people I just feel like an actor to prepetuate the lifestyle and person I used to be but because of a mix of events in my personal life, self destruction and refusal to ask and accept help from anyone I;m on the highway to shame.
I am am truly running out of coping mechanisms and the fact that soon I may have to be honest about my true sitiuation is really making me want to dissapear.
