Venting Can't stand the sight of happy people - I will never be like them

[YellowCamels2000]

As an ugly, low IQ, socially awkward and worthless being, I've been deprived of happiness the moment I was born. I need to have online lessons because whenever I see people my age living their lives, having cars, going to parties, having gfs, jobs etc. I know that I will never have any of these, because I'm literally worthless in anything that can be worthless, I literally go into a state of total shock and despair, fucked up IK. Lost the genetic lottery with my low IQ, inability to do simple tasks and repulsive face combined with premature balding. Can't even tell this to anyone without them saying bs like "You are talking bs" or "You have low self-esteem". It's not my self-esteem that is low, It's my objective value, which is essentially none.

I know for a fact that the only way to end my suffering is CTB, but I literally can't push myself to do it, I'm still being delusional sometimes that it may be better. It will not.

 

[FuneralCry]

I also hate people with their invalidating toxic positivity, the reality is that existence is too cruel, it's dreadful how people have to suffer all through no fault of their own simply because chance so cruelly determines everything.

 

[YellowCamels2000]

I also hate people with their invalidating toxic positivity, the reality is that existence is too cruel, it's dreadful how people have to suffer all through no fault of their own simply because chance so cruelly determines everything.

Do you have any tips how to mentally push yourself into actually pursuing CTB rather than just wanting it? I'm tired of my constant self-lying reassurance.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Do you have any tips how to mentally push yourself into actually pursuing CTB rather than just wanting it? I'm tired of my constant self-lying reassurance.

For Me personally, it's the full realisation that human existence is nothing but suffering and everything else is a distraction.
Everything is pointless and meaningless, and nothing matters in the end.
We battle through life in the vain hope that things will get better, yet they rarely ever do.
So why bother living a life of pointless struggle ?
Like a hamster going round and round on a wheel, getting nowhere fast.
It's the sheer futility of existence, and knowing that putting myself out of my misery is actually an act of kindness to myself that pushes me forward to ctb.

 

[FuneralCry]

Do you have any tips how to mentally push yourself into actually pursuing CTB rather than just wanting it? I'm tired of my constant self-lying reassurance.

I think that those who manage to ctb have access to a method they feel confident in, they know it's the right time and they just get determined to be free. Sadly suicide just isn't straightforward, especially as in my case all the methods are either risky or inaccessible.

 

[YellowCamels2000]

I think that those who manage to ctb have access to a method they feel confident in, they know it's the right time and they just get determined to be free. Sadly suicide just isn't straightforward, especially as in my case all the methods are either risky or inaccessible.

I also don't have access to "easy" and "confident" methods, I think the closest one would be a blackpowder shotgun with lots of powder, since you can obtain them without a license in where I live. However, I'd need to calculate how much powder and what kind of a projectile I'd need to use, since I don't think it's a well-researched method.