Venting Can’t spell Recovery without over

[Hellis]

Made a goodbye thread a couple years back, took SN but survived and never wrote about it. Life got better, I recovered but now I'm back and I'm too ashamed to even admit who I was back in 2023.

I replay to hospital stay in my mind everyday. I think it changed me or broke me in some way. The days following too. I think I was somewhat scared into a recovery.

Whatever, I'm still tired. Kinda just want a place to vent when I'm sad since I have no outlet, but too traumatized to actually try dying again.

 

[Paizen]

Made a goodbye thread a couple years back, took SN but survived and never wrote about it. Life got better, I recovered but now I'm back and I'm too ashamed to even admit who I was back in 2023.

I replay to hospital stay in my mind everyday. I think it changed me or broke me in some way. The days following too. I think I was somewhat scared into a recovery.

Whatever, I'm still tired. Kinda just want a place to vent when I'm sad since I have no outlet, but too traumatized to actually try dying again.

What changed? How did it get better?

 

[Hellis]

What changed? How did it get better?

What "got better" was the way my brain works I guess. Became too scared of the feeling of dying, which is odd because I don't recall the sensation anymore. I did for a bit, but the memories somewhat wiped themselves early on. I'm referring to my time in the hospital by the way, I don't recall the attempt itself.

I think the staff fucked me up mentally, but maybe my body recalls the attempt at some level. Certain foods made me nauseated afterwards, which I assume was the attempt itself. Maybe I'm making stuff up though.
Lost track of the question

TLDR: Trauma doesn't make it easy to consider suicide viable anymore

 

[Hotsackage]

Made a goodbye thread a couple years back, took SN but survived and never wrote about it. Life got better, I recovered but now I'm back and I'm too ashamed to even admit who I was back in 2023.

I replay to hospital stay in my mind everyday. I think it changed me or broke me in some way. The days following too. I think I was somewhat scared into a recovery.

Whatever, I'm still tired. Kinda just want a place to vent when I'm sad since I have no outlet, but too traumatized to actually try dying again.

I vaguely share that sentiment, life altering event forced me to do the right things, exercise, meditate, w.e else. Now its not bad, but you dont forget the past, when you've been through the grinder.

 

[TBONTB]

Made a goodbye thread a couple years back, took SN but survived and never wrote about it. Life got better, I recovered but now I'm back and I'm too ashamed to even admit who I was back in 2023.

I replay to hospital stay in my mind everyday. I think it changed me or broke me in some way. The days following too. I think I was somewhat scared into a recovery.

Whatever, I'm still tired. Kinda just want a place to vent when I'm sad since I have no outlet, but too traumatized to actually try dying again.

Glad you are feeling better...at least I think that is what you are saying.

Is it okay if I ask why you survived your attempt?!

 

[Hellis]

I vaguely share that sentiment, life altering event forced me to do the right things, exercise, meditate, w.e else. Now its not bad, but you dont forget the past, when you've been through the grinder.

I think it's part of me. I'll always have some suicidal ideation even when I won't act on it.

Glad you are feeling better...at least I think that is what you are saying.

Is it okay if I ask why you survived your attempt?!

Reached out to my only friend at the time right after I drank SN. Friend contacted neighbor who called ambulance even though it was in driving distance. Surviving aside, I'm still pissed for my wallet. I never asked specifics of the who treatment process, I was afraid I'd be in trouble even though I am a grown adult. Hospital is close and frankly I didn't starve myself 24 hours in advance either.

Rookie mistake I know. Lesson learned

 

[Saponification]

That seems quite torturous and scary. Being unable to kill oneself due to severe trauma from a previous attempt. It's definitely one of my biggest fears, attempting, failing and not being able to try again due to ending up as a vegetable or because of the trauma of the near death experience. Sorry you were this unlucky.

 

[Hotsackage]

I think it's part of me. I'll always have some suicidal ideation even when I won't act on it.

Reached out to my only friend at the time right after I drank SN. Friend contacted neighbor who called ambulance even though it was in driving distance. Surviving aside, I'm still pissed for my wallet. I never asked specifics of the who treatment process, I was afraid I'd be in trouble even though I am a grown adult. Hospital is close and frankly I didn't starve myself 24 hours in advance either.

Rookie mistake I know. Lesson learned

Ya me to, I live in canada tho, so I'll have the ace in the hole if I need it, I don't plan to, but if I can't provide for myself sufficiently, or in general, euthanasia, is a wild card. I can't really get a job, for obvious reasons, but while I've been ill, I've learned poker, so that might be able to sustain me. Anyway all the best my friend

 

[Bootleg Astolfo]

Oh hey, hello fellow Astolfo pfp haver.

 

[Hellis]

Oh hey, hello fellow Astolfo pfp haver.

Peak and based brother, peak and based.