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sick of sleep issues. Guess I'll just force myself to read another book... 
I feel this on so many levels. My lack of sleep issue has hit a new level. Multiple days with zero sleep and having to not work.Finished a book earlier. Fell asleep for I dunno an hour or so and now awake again
Sick of living
Sleep paralysis is a freaky thing to be sure. I suffered from this big time in my teens. My mind would be awake, yet my body paralysed.
It's brutal, especially when no one is around to move you or wake you. I hope you never deal with false awakenings. Talk about absolute terror and craziness. I had no idea wtf was happening to me until I finally did some research. If I had a choice to remove 1 thing from all of my sleep issues, I would choose to never deal with false awakenings ever again.
The whole situation sucks, I agree. All you can do is force a routine for the day, like you said. Look for distractions and try again.All my issues are just feeding off eachother.
The CPTSD adds to my sleep issues. The sleep issues add to the CPTSD & Eating issues. The eating issues add to anxiety & probs sleep issues. and so forth. Its so fun when u have health issues that just exasperate one another.
I really am hoping to buy some nitrogen and SN by next week.
I won't dare make the same mistake of trying to engage in life.
the women that was going to give me a ride and called to check in. That was nice of her. I just ended up sobbing. My worker messaged me and wants to meet in person tmrw.
I just feel like a broken record but she's fine with meeting so why not I guess.. meeting or not meeting isn't gonna impact anything.
The women asked what she can do to help.. only thing anyone can do to help is helping me end my life & no one is gonna help with that. So... there's nothing else anyone can really do tbh.
I'm usually dissociated when experiencing this level of pain but I've done enough healing to now be present but it's just as painful. I used to live my days so dissociated I couldn't really go out bc it was dangerous. Like not being able to notice cars going by kinda thing. That was 2-3 yrs ago. I'm not in that place anymore & tbh I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing anymore.
Anyway. I'm... just gonna get back to tryna read and Youtube videos. Might take some CBD and try to eat. /ima have to eat bc I'm already hungry. I'm actually kinda angry at my body for being this fucking hungry. Like.... wtf?
Stupid fucking tears... kinda helpful in a sense of making me tired but otherwise just an annoying reminder of how much im hurting.
Well whatever. I have nothing left in me today to do anything anyway
