Best of luck, and thank you for keeping us updated! I'm planning on ordering from A within in the next month, so it's definitely reassuring to know of recent, successful orders. Hope everything goes well in your case.
I spoke to another member who bought from A and they said if they remember correctly it took a couple weeks to ship. I am hoping it doesn't take that long as I said I have a date in mind but all I can do it's wait now. To be honest as long as it gets here I will be happy. I spent everything I have to get it, and the thought of being able to CBT how I want to is very reassuring. A sleep without nightmares, that alone is such an amazing hope.
I can't afford it now but I could afford it after I get paid at the end of the month.
I live at home so I don't have that many expenses.
The offers still up if Ark wants it.
I'm willing to risk a manslaughter case.
I for some reason was not notified there was a response to this thread. @Boy1234 that is a very generous offer. I am grateful that you would be that willing to help me. But, my anxiety and suspicious side would push me to have to ask, why choose me to help? There are many people on this site that are in need. I am just wondering.
I am praying and hoping constantly that my order from A comes in. I am weary of it for a few reasons I have already mentioned in previous posts though so would love to have a backup plan of course.
The problem is I am on a deadline. I have not had any decent sleep in 4 months, and am in a state of constant misery that is becoming unbearable. If the order from A takes to long I am going to lose it and CTB a way I don't want to.
My mind doesn't work like others, when I decide on something 100% I need it to work that specific way. Every other way terrifies me. I even have SN and just looking at it makes me nervous. Please don't judge me, my mind works differently than most, I already know that.
I need the deal with A to be real, I need it to come in, soon. If there is a God, this is the most important thing I have ever begged of him.
Sorry for the rant, every day and night is getting worse and worse and I needed to rant a bit. Boy1234, please do not misunderstand, because I am thankful and grateful, I am asking out of curiosity, why me?
I am praying and hoping constantly that my order from A comes in. I am weary of it for a few reasons I have already mentioned in previous posts though so would love to have a backup plan of course.
The problem is I am on a deadline. I have not had any decent sleep in 4 months, and am in a state of constant misery that is becoming unbearable. If the order from A takes to long I am going to lose it and CTB a way I don't want to.
My mind doesn't work like others, when I decide on something 100% I need it to work that specific way. Every other way terrifies me. I even have SN and just looking at it makes me nervous. Please don't judge me, my mind works differently than most, I already know that.
I need the deal with A to be real, I need it to come in, soon. If there is a God, this is the most important thing I have ever begged of him.
Sorry for the rant, every day and night is getting worse and worse and I needed to rant a bit. Boy1234, please do not misunderstand, because I am thankful and grateful, I am asking out of curiosity, why me?
reapandsow918
Let the waves take me
- Nov 6, 2019
- 191
Thank you @reapandsow918 All I want is one nice dream, and if I am really lucky it will include a specific person, then eternal sleep. I can not continue the constant painful dreams and waking up in tears all night much longer. If I won the Powerball I would pay every penny of it for my dream CTB to come true.
reapandsow918
Let the waves take me
- Nov 6, 2019
- 191
@Ark I recommend trying astral projection. It's real and I've been having very vivid dreams to break out of this reality. I usually set an alarm six hours ahead of when I go to sleep and when you wake up you have to stay up for a little, pee then drink water then go back to bed. Just an idea to help cope as it has helped me.
*Hugs*
Also there was a time when I dreaded going to sleep because I felt like I was being murdered in my sleep/having terrible dreams. It was mostly the result of psychosis/paranoia. Then I was put on a medication called Zyprexa. Basically an antipsychotic, all those bad experiences went away. Of course, you have to see a psychiatrist for it which I know can be pricey but maybe a free insurance plan can help.
*Hugs*
Also there was a time when I dreaded going to sleep because I felt like I was being murdered in my sleep/having terrible dreams. It was mostly the result of psychosis/paranoia. Then I was put on a medication called Zyprexa. Basically an antipsychotic, all those bad experiences went away. Of course, you have to see a psychiatrist for it which I know can be pricey but maybe a free insurance plan can help.
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LMLN
Paragon
- Aug 10, 2019
- 929
My dreams are of people that I lost in my life, to death, and other ways. Then I have dreams that the people I truly love decide to love me also. Then in the dreams I realize that it is not true which makes me realize it is a dream and I wake up to the painful truth in reality. This happens several times each night.
LMLN
Paragon
- Aug 10, 2019
- 929
Sorry if I misread your post. I frequently have nightmares and vivid dreams. My husband ctb earlier this year. I often dream of him and then am awakened and distressed.
Lastnight I dreamt that he was driving and I was with him in his truck. It's strange because he drove to his chosen location in his truck to ctb irl. He was telling me how he was sorry he had to ctb. I said it was was ok that I understood but was very sad. I understood he had to do it and was not angry with him. And I kissed him on the cheek and I could feel his midnight shadow on my lips. So real feeling. Needless to say I woke up and could not fall asleep again. 3am ugg.
Lastnight I dreamt that he was driving and I was with him in his truck. It's strange because he drove to his chosen location in his truck to ctb irl. He was telling me how he was sorry he had to ctb. I said it was was ok that I understood but was very sad. I understood he had to do it and was not angry with him. And I kissed him on the cheek and I could feel his midnight shadow on my lips. So real feeling. Needless to say I woke up and could not fall asleep again. 3am ugg.
That sounds like a pleasant dream though, I am so sorry you lost your loved one. I have lost many loved ones to death, and other ways. I also lost my one true soulmate. I know the pain and sadness that entails. I am so sorry.
Hunter100
Lost...
- Oct 12, 2019
- 157
I am so sorry this happened to both of you. Did you have any clue irl he was planning anything or did he seem normal? I couldn't imagine what that must have been like for you.
LMLN
Paragon
- Aug 10, 2019
- 929
Thank you! I'm sorry, dont want to hijack this post.
I knew he had many health problems. But never really believed it would happen. So it was a shock.
No worries @Hunter100 For me it is a bit different. We were about to be married, we knew about my health issues, but didn't know the extent at that point. She ordered a wedding dress, then cheated on me a couple days later. She lives in another state now. It is actually a much longer story cut very short, but that is the end result.
I am still not sure where all I am allowed to do updates concerning N but I promised I would update.
I got my package today from A. Both bottles. My only slight concern is that it is 2 un marked plastic bottles. I thought they would be glass but, that could be nothing.
I am now going to take a little time to figure out what day to start my Meto regime and everything else. I will post a good bye thread also when it's time.
I have to say I instantly felt a sense of relief and calm the second I had them in my hand.
I got my package today from A. Both bottles. My only slight concern is that it is 2 un marked plastic bottles. I thought they would be glass but, that could be nothing.
I am now going to take a little time to figure out what day to start my Meto regime and everything else. I will post a good bye thread also when it's time.
I have to say I instantly felt a sense of relief and calm the second I had them in my hand.
pthnrdnojvsc
Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
- Aug 12, 2019
- 2,615
Congratulations! I hope everything goes the way you want it to from now on after such horrible problems you've had in your life,to finally achieve such a stunning victory and peace!.It's inspiring how you achieved that victory , getting the holy grail of ctb after all the horrible troubles you've had. It's amazing that you are also willing to help others in this forum with all that you are going through.
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Thank you so much @peacefullpainless I am still in an odd state of shock I think. Just the reality that everything came together for me to have peace, I am still having a hard time believing it even with it in my hands.
It must be very comforting that now you can end all the suffering and the bad things happened to you.im glad for you:)
